How to create a clingy girlfriend
At lunch today the unmarried lads were discussing how to bring up babies (yes i know!). A colleague of ours had successfully implemented the 'Save Our Sleep' technique of raising babies, which (i haven't read the book), he summarised as giving the baby a strict routine and not comforting the babies when they are crying so as not to reward bad behaviour. So far, his baby was responding well and sleeping well.
I think I discussed this topic before in a previous post. I used to subscribe to this philosophy of childrearing, until i was given a book (written by a child psychologist) that told me otherwise. The book basically said that babies who were ignored when they were young grow up to have an 'avoidant attachment' with their parents, hence they get used to idea that their parents are not around and sort of not trust their parents or tell them anything when they grow up (in a nutshell! haha).
I tried to explain the theory to the boys - mind you, it was a theory since i have no idea what a *real* baby is like.
Boys: But won't you get an ultra clingy baby who keeps on yelling for attention and crying when you leave the room?
Z: Ah, that is when you *sometimes* attend to the baby when it cries. The inconsistency drives them nuts so they cling on to you anytime they can so that you can't run away.
Boys: duh?
Z: OK, it's like when you've got a girlfriend, and you sometimes return her calls, and sometimes ignore her. This hot and cold behaviour creates a psycho clingy girlfriend who thinks that you hate her and never lets you out of her sight because she thinks that you are cheating!
Boys: I GET IT!!!!
So yeah, taking this analogy further, if you return all your girlfriend's calls, reassure her when she is upset, and let her know constantly that you love her, then she is less likely to freak out and think that you are up to no good when on the odd occasion, you don't call back, or you take a long weekend away with the boys, or go drinking. Constant love and attention builds trust, not destroys it.
And alternatively, if you constantly and consistently ignore your girlfriend for work, or any other reason, she might trust you and love you from afar, but after a while you won't be her close confidant, because she can't find the time to speak to you, and she puts her love and affection elsewhere, and you break up.
Which girlfriend do you want?
Which baby do you want?
I think I discussed this topic before in a previous post. I used to subscribe to this philosophy of childrearing, until i was given a book (written by a child psychologist) that told me otherwise. The book basically said that babies who were ignored when they were young grow up to have an 'avoidant attachment' with their parents, hence they get used to idea that their parents are not around and sort of not trust their parents or tell them anything when they grow up (in a nutshell! haha).
I tried to explain the theory to the boys - mind you, it was a theory since i have no idea what a *real* baby is like.
Boys: But won't you get an ultra clingy baby who keeps on yelling for attention and crying when you leave the room?
Z: Ah, that is when you *sometimes* attend to the baby when it cries. The inconsistency drives them nuts so they cling on to you anytime they can so that you can't run away.
Boys: duh?
Z: OK, it's like when you've got a girlfriend, and you sometimes return her calls, and sometimes ignore her. This hot and cold behaviour creates a psycho clingy girlfriend who thinks that you hate her and never lets you out of her sight because she thinks that you are cheating!
Boys: I GET IT!!!!
So yeah, taking this analogy further, if you return all your girlfriend's calls, reassure her when she is upset, and let her know constantly that you love her, then she is less likely to freak out and think that you are up to no good when on the odd occasion, you don't call back, or you take a long weekend away with the boys, or go drinking. Constant love and attention builds trust, not destroys it.
And alternatively, if you constantly and consistently ignore your girlfriend for work, or any other reason, she might trust you and love you from afar, but after a while you won't be her close confidant, because she can't find the time to speak to you, and she puts her love and affection elsewhere, and you break up.
Which girlfriend do you want?
Which baby do you want?