Hugs O Doom
So I haven't updated in forever.
Has anyone noticed that I never really update my Journal and if I do it's dedicated to the purpose of posting pictures or an event happening (ie rave)?
I've been reading everyone's LJ diligently for a while, espically since I'm in college and really don't have much to do -.-'' But it seems like everyone is just pouring out their feelings and I'm just sitting here reading about it thinking about how I feel. So how do I feel? Lol, I don't know. So why the heck am I posting what I feel if I don't even know what I feel in the first place?
I don't know.. maybe I just want people to know that I still exist and yes, I have my ups and downs too. I've been having some extreme mood swings but they seem to be subsiding a little bit because I've been trying as hard as I can not to tweak on people. A special appology goes out to Tim who's had to deal with it and I know he doesn't deserve it and I really can't help it because I don't know I'm not acting like myself until the damage has been done.
It's stressful because I'm trying to control my own feelings and still offer advice to other people. Most people still don't know about my house life and they'll say they have crazy parents and most of my friends know I have a crazy mother but it's HOW crazy she gets that most people don't understand.
Not only that.. but there are people I'm still having problems with and I can't really do anything about it.. I'm trying to do what I can to be friends and be there for them but history won't let anyone forget what's happened.. and it hurts.
For that matter.. a couple friends I had here at college had to leave for their own reasons and I talk to them often still. I talk to Molly, my one roommate who had to leave due to family issues about crazy stuff and I talk to my friend Ben who had to leave for some fucked up situation almost every night. Ben and I talk about more weird things though like government and such since he's ex army and we had a good talk about Socrates last night. I don't really get to talk to a lot of people about philosopical things and he knows more than anyone I've seen (he's a philosophy major so I guess that's to be expected) and Molly is a fabulous artist so we talk about art and how crazy people are and such and I miss them both. I don't miss them as terribly as I did before.. but it still reminds me that there aren't a lot of people here I click with every time I talk to them.
I could really use a hug...
Has anyone noticed that I never really update my Journal and if I do it's dedicated to the purpose of posting pictures or an event happening (ie rave)?
I've been reading everyone's LJ diligently for a while, espically since I'm in college and really don't have much to do -.-'' But it seems like everyone is just pouring out their feelings and I'm just sitting here reading about it thinking about how I feel. So how do I feel? Lol, I don't know. So why the heck am I posting what I feel if I don't even know what I feel in the first place?
I don't know.. maybe I just want people to know that I still exist and yes, I have my ups and downs too. I've been having some extreme mood swings but they seem to be subsiding a little bit because I've been trying as hard as I can not to tweak on people. A special appology goes out to Tim who's had to deal with it and I know he doesn't deserve it and I really can't help it because I don't know I'm not acting like myself until the damage has been done.
It's stressful because I'm trying to control my own feelings and still offer advice to other people. Most people still don't know about my house life and they'll say they have crazy parents and most of my friends know I have a crazy mother but it's HOW crazy she gets that most people don't understand.
Not only that.. but there are people I'm still having problems with and I can't really do anything about it.. I'm trying to do what I can to be friends and be there for them but history won't let anyone forget what's happened.. and it hurts.
For that matter.. a couple friends I had here at college had to leave for their own reasons and I talk to them often still. I talk to Molly, my one roommate who had to leave due to family issues about crazy stuff and I talk to my friend Ben who had to leave for some fucked up situation almost every night. Ben and I talk about more weird things though like government and such since he's ex army and we had a good talk about Socrates last night. I don't really get to talk to a lot of people about philosopical things and he knows more than anyone I've seen (he's a philosophy major so I guess that's to be expected) and Molly is a fabulous artist so we talk about art and how crazy people are and such and I miss them both. I don't miss them as terribly as I did before.. but it still reminds me that there aren't a lot of people here I click with every time I talk to them.
I could really use a hug...