Too busy...
"Scuse me; too busy writing your tragedy.."
"Theres beauty in the breakdown"
Strong words for a song, don't you think? I watched Garden State tonight for the first time. I found myself watching these.. hopeless people.. who seemed to have nothing in their lives worth living for but as the story unfolded.. you couldn't help but feel that you ARE them.. You just left wondering why and then.. you know that things are going to be okay. So there I was.. eating a bag of potatoe chips and watching some strange romance like movie.. exhausted.
I couldn't sleep last night.. I couldn't bear the thought of laying my head down and dying yet another night, so I kept my eyes open, and placed my laptop on the coffee table.. black coffee in my hand and turned on the television.
It seems as if the black sky was just tar that was sticking and moving so slowly..
I saw a framiliar screenname online at about 1am so I decided.. "What the fuck" and went ahead, messaging this framiliar stranger.
The conversation went well. For once I thought I could almost cry, and tears aren't something I like to have.. they actually put a burning feeling in my eyes so I seriously don't like to cry, but tonight just seemed so different from any other one.
We realized, remembered, and regretted things together. And finally, forgave each other.. for all those wasted times that we thought to talk about it, but never did. Its an empty forgiveness though.. just a bandaid to hide this gushing artery of blood.. just to keep it down for a while until it shoots forth again like Ol' Faithful.
Memories are something we can do without sometimes. I read and hear about people who wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what it would be like if they could go to sleep and just die. I'd like to tell them what its like.. since my heart condition allows me to die for just a few moments when I fall asleep... Tell them that they aren't missing anything.. and that they should be happy they can wake up..
I just don't.. no, I can't.. I can't sleep. I'm not depressed or upset; I'm suprised I guess. The rush of guilt and aniexty is all over for a moment, and I don't know what to do with my peace since I'm hundreds of miles away from any close friends... and a thousand some miles from my dad.
Yeah theres the phone.. but.. technology.. You read my last post..
Anyways.. if you got through all of this, give yourself a good pat on the back, and thanks for reading. Cheers to insomnia.
"Theres beauty in the breakdown"
Strong words for a song, don't you think? I watched Garden State tonight for the first time. I found myself watching these.. hopeless people.. who seemed to have nothing in their lives worth living for but as the story unfolded.. you couldn't help but feel that you ARE them.. You just left wondering why and then.. you know that things are going to be okay. So there I was.. eating a bag of potatoe chips and watching some strange romance like movie.. exhausted.
I couldn't sleep last night.. I couldn't bear the thought of laying my head down and dying yet another night, so I kept my eyes open, and placed my laptop on the coffee table.. black coffee in my hand and turned on the television.
It seems as if the black sky was just tar that was sticking and moving so slowly..
I saw a framiliar screenname online at about 1am so I decided.. "What the fuck" and went ahead, messaging this framiliar stranger.
The conversation went well. For once I thought I could almost cry, and tears aren't something I like to have.. they actually put a burning feeling in my eyes so I seriously don't like to cry, but tonight just seemed so different from any other one.
We realized, remembered, and regretted things together. And finally, forgave each other.. for all those wasted times that we thought to talk about it, but never did. Its an empty forgiveness though.. just a bandaid to hide this gushing artery of blood.. just to keep it down for a while until it shoots forth again like Ol' Faithful.
Memories are something we can do without sometimes. I read and hear about people who wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what it would be like if they could go to sleep and just die. I'd like to tell them what its like.. since my heart condition allows me to die for just a few moments when I fall asleep... Tell them that they aren't missing anything.. and that they should be happy they can wake up..
I just don't.. no, I can't.. I can't sleep. I'm not depressed or upset; I'm suprised I guess. The rush of guilt and aniexty is all over for a moment, and I don't know what to do with my peace since I'm hundreds of miles away from any close friends... and a thousand some miles from my dad.
Yeah theres the phone.. but.. technology.. You read my last post..
Anyways.. if you got through all of this, give yourself a good pat on the back, and thanks for reading. Cheers to insomnia.