Niece
So for the past two weeks I've been going to pick up my niece (in law) to come over and just hang out with me and Phil. She has needed the opportunity to get out of the house and just talk about what is going on in her house. She's so stressed out and is just not surrounded by any positive influence whatsoever. It just makes me sad that she is treated the way she is. She could be so much better off if she was given the right encouragement and direction.
Lee really likes coming here. She knows what to expect. She knows Phil and I get along and aren't bitching every second. The atmosphere is calm. She knows that if she has homework or projects to do that she should do them and I will help if she needs it. I won't do her work, but I'll help put it together and check it for her. I mean the girl is failing 2 classes. And there is JUST no excuse for that. Part of it is her fault, and part of it's not. When you have someone telling you that you are stupid or that you won't amount to anything, what would you do? Would you slack off? Start to believe what your "parental figure" is telling? I just wish I could do more for her. I wish I could just take her and have her live with us, but that is just not an option. So after talking to Philly, it's a good idea to have her come here at least once a week.
The other thing that stinks is her mom is in Montreal for 3 months. Lee has her mom to talk to and confide in. She was really upset to learn that her mom was going to be leaving for so long. Her mom knew she would be upset and really waited till the last second to talk to her about it. I think sometimes she is just confused on how to be a mom. I mean, I'm not a mom yet but after years of counseling teens and working with parents, I know what works and doesn't work with kids this age. I know it's always more difficult with your own kid, but really, it's not that hard. All you have to do is listen, support, and guide (by setting boundaries). Teens look for expectations. If you make them clear then it's easy. But if there is chaos in the house, you are going to have a chaotic child. Pretty simple!
I just feel better knowing that Phil and I can see her once a week and make sure that she's doing ok. When summer vacation comes I'm going to try and get her a little more when she's not in school. Just to get a break from being in the stress loaded environment, and fill up that time that she'd typically spend with her mom. I'm hoping just a small amount of influence will help. I think it already is.
Lee really likes coming here. She knows what to expect. She knows Phil and I get along and aren't bitching every second. The atmosphere is calm. She knows that if she has homework or projects to do that she should do them and I will help if she needs it. I won't do her work, but I'll help put it together and check it for her. I mean the girl is failing 2 classes. And there is JUST no excuse for that. Part of it is her fault, and part of it's not. When you have someone telling you that you are stupid or that you won't amount to anything, what would you do? Would you slack off? Start to believe what your "parental figure" is telling? I just wish I could do more for her. I wish I could just take her and have her live with us, but that is just not an option. So after talking to Philly, it's a good idea to have her come here at least once a week.
The other thing that stinks is her mom is in Montreal for 3 months. Lee has her mom to talk to and confide in. She was really upset to learn that her mom was going to be leaving for so long. Her mom knew she would be upset and really waited till the last second to talk to her about it. I think sometimes she is just confused on how to be a mom. I mean, I'm not a mom yet but after years of counseling teens and working with parents, I know what works and doesn't work with kids this age. I know it's always more difficult with your own kid, but really, it's not that hard. All you have to do is listen, support, and guide (by setting boundaries). Teens look for expectations. If you make them clear then it's easy. But if there is chaos in the house, you are going to have a chaotic child. Pretty simple!
I just feel better knowing that Phil and I can see her once a week and make sure that she's doing ok. When summer vacation comes I'm going to try and get her a little more when she's not in school. Just to get a break from being in the stress loaded environment, and fill up that time that she'd typically spend with her mom. I'm hoping just a small amount of influence will help. I think it already is.