(no subject)
When I feel sad for no reason I feel guilty for being sad. It's knowing what I'm capable of doing and never reaching that point. Inadequate and ungrateful, in a couple of words, could describe how I feel. How most of what I do isn't satisfactory to other people. I'm too masculine, I'm not masculine enough, I'm too direct, I'm too passive, I'm too everything and not enough of the other. I'm a flawed individual. I have issues that refuse to be ignored, I have quirks some folks don't find so charming. Sometimes my overwhelming instinct to please and nurture stands in the way of self-preservation, something I've had to learn (and relearn), and I end up here. This place of feeling so distant from love and so close to judgment. And I know, by the end of this beer I will be okay, start tomorrow, and end up here again. I know that in a week I'll be happier, or at least in a different head space. I just fucking hate this shit. Bottom line: I'm just me, and I'd like for someone to love me for that. Thank you.