why cant people live every day like its thier last...
December 30, 2003
3:56am
"I did so many drugs today, im surprised im still alive. i never want to see the light of day again. i dont care what happens to anyone. and i dont care about myself. i can never care about myself. that is selfish. i was born to care about others. how my friend feeling. how are YOU. hows YOUR life... never stop to ask myself what is wronge with me. ive started drinking again. and im drinking more than ever. ive started a routine where i drink 1/4 a bottle of vodka every day. im getting drugs ever minute as of now. im getting really heavy on heroin again, and im begining to become dependant on speed. i want my life to be over now, and i dont want to ever have to hurt inside again. people dont know. people dont understand. when everything feels like its fake. you bleed just to know your alive. you stop before entering school to put a smile on your face. nobody can see inside you. they judge by whats on your face. as long as you "look" okay, you must be just fine. im going to go die now. forever for me will be over in a short ammount of time..."
February 13, 2005
9:45pm
"Im begining to turn into the old ashley... i cant stop it. i feel parted from everyone and pulled from reality. im invensable. nothing can hurt me. i could get shot right now and still be writing this passage. feelings are something that can be faked out easily. you stop in front of the school, with tears in your eyes, knowing that when you walk in that door, everyone will smile at you and overwelm you with thier problems. i never thought about myself. if someone hurt wile i was dying, i would listen to them instead of call an ambulence for me. i never cared about myself. im not selfish. i rather fix other peoples problems because i know, deep down, nobody, not even god, could fix mine. i find im in the wronge situations more often than being in the right. throw on a smile and sit back for the ride. your choices are to get off and die, or just pretend like your having fun and suffer. im suffering..."
2 entrys, 1 journal, 2 different years...
de-ja-voo or coinsidence?
Eaden
3:56am
"I did so many drugs today, im surprised im still alive. i never want to see the light of day again. i dont care what happens to anyone. and i dont care about myself. i can never care about myself. that is selfish. i was born to care about others. how my friend feeling. how are YOU. hows YOUR life... never stop to ask myself what is wronge with me. ive started drinking again. and im drinking more than ever. ive started a routine where i drink 1/4 a bottle of vodka every day. im getting drugs ever minute as of now. im getting really heavy on heroin again, and im begining to become dependant on speed. i want my life to be over now, and i dont want to ever have to hurt inside again. people dont know. people dont understand. when everything feels like its fake. you bleed just to know your alive. you stop before entering school to put a smile on your face. nobody can see inside you. they judge by whats on your face. as long as you "look" okay, you must be just fine. im going to go die now. forever for me will be over in a short ammount of time..."
February 13, 2005
9:45pm
"Im begining to turn into the old ashley... i cant stop it. i feel parted from everyone and pulled from reality. im invensable. nothing can hurt me. i could get shot right now and still be writing this passage. feelings are something that can be faked out easily. you stop in front of the school, with tears in your eyes, knowing that when you walk in that door, everyone will smile at you and overwelm you with thier problems. i never thought about myself. if someone hurt wile i was dying, i would listen to them instead of call an ambulence for me. i never cared about myself. im not selfish. i rather fix other peoples problems because i know, deep down, nobody, not even god, could fix mine. i find im in the wronge situations more often than being in the right. throw on a smile and sit back for the ride. your choices are to get off and die, or just pretend like your having fun and suffer. im suffering..."
2 entrys, 1 journal, 2 different years...
de-ja-voo or coinsidence?
Eaden