knowing many, loving none
after spending four weeks in environments that in no way reflect reality, returning to the real world can be disappointing. it's reassuring that you can leave and when you come back your whole world hasn't been turned upside down. but, in other ways, the complete lack of change is depressing; it makes you realize why you left in the first place. you come back, and you're the only thing that's changed, you've been turned upside down, flipped like a fraction, and everything that was once solid isn't any more, everything looks different through your eyes. it's all too easy to be left longing for what you had, unhappy with what you now have. you suppose that it's all better in the long run, that it really will help you figure everything out, but it doesn't change how painful it is in the short term or how hard the things are that you know you have to do but never had the courage to do before. this is when "living in the moment" seems like it's not quite worth it, because there's very little going for you right in the moment. this is when you just have to hold on for the ride and
never look back
