away

[didmybest]

i daydreamed something shocking all through politics. some reminiscing also happened. i remembered the night i knew that the summer 0f 2004 was well and truly over. Some occasion was being celebrated at Linda's, they had planned to cook but ended up ordering pizza's and pushing the two big tables together in the living room. we were drinking carlton draught. jake showed up; it was the first time i had seen him since we had actually decided to call it a day. he had taken his piercings out. nothing shocking in that, we all grow out of them eventually. but he had cut his hair. it seemed that our break up had to manifest itself physically for him to comprehend. it scared the hell out of me; there was the first person i told i loved and meant it actively moving on. i mean, at this point i was seventeen fucking years old but forsight is such a luxurious thing. everybody was behaving awkwardly; i felt like everybody knew how sad all of this made me. however, we did our best to act like normal. i sat outside, sharing a jay with francis, him trying to teach me some song on Kathy's guitar. some people who didnt generally hang out with us made an appearance, i dont remember who. but that was the night i realised it was over; that the chances of our little clique ever being the same was slim. things never were the same. the ineveitable factionalism and intrusion of other parties split things further. the huge group of people that jake and mines relationship had inadvertently united was watching the destruction of something i truly believed was unshakable. that was eighteen months ago. it seems like years. i still feel sorrow at knowing that only my intrinsic qualities remain the same as they were then. it was a summer of feet dangling out car windows, warm beers in tents, loud music and even louder voices; and undeniably the comfort of thinking that happiness like that could last forever. it all sounds so painfully cliche now but we actually believed in all this shit. krispy cremes on the way home from much anticipated all-ages shows in sydney. sneaking in to overage ones. schooners. endless afternoons of coffee and cigarettes. time to waste. not hurrying for anyone or anywhere. all of this started exactly two years ago. heck, you folk probably didnt even make it the whole way though this but writing about it seemed better than staring out the library window contemplating my impending tut presentation. remember that new years at brisk house?
that was the life, didnt know at the time.