New Relations...
Ok, so I KNOW that I tend to Surround Myself w/ GUYS & get Complicated up w/ Each & every one of them...& I always say, "This'll be Different, or that Situation isn't the same, or maybe he's Different..." *shrugs*, but Usually...it All turns out the same way. I have been Slowly Degrading, Slowly dwindling Away at My Self-worth and Continually telling Myself that It's OK, because it's just the girl that I am. "I'm NOT that Girl", I say over & over again...but the Fact of the Matter is, that it's NOT OK & I Am THAT Girl! A Realization that I've come to SLOWLY Learn & am Attempting to Deal with, because I'm Not Overly Thrilled...but at the same time, NOT Entirely Surprised about.
In My Opinion, I TRY to do things differently in My Life to change...even though it's all generally relative in the Whole picture.
It seems as though, There Will ALWAYS be...
- a Guy that I LOVE Forever.
- a Guy that I LOVE at the Moment.
- a Guy that I let Slip Away.
- a Guy that Passed me By.
- Guys that Flirt, Attract, & Mess w/ My Head.
...but as the Years pass on, & I Continue My Weary Ways. I am becoming quite Cynical that I will Ever be able to Settle down w/ He whom so Many have dubbed "The ONE".
I'm almost Positive that I've already Met & gotten to Know the Following:
- the ONE that I Wanted to Marry, but NEVER will. (Lenny)
- the ONE that Will ALWAYS Love me, but that I would rather Not Marry. (Jeremy)
- the ONE that was My Best Friend / Lover, but barely we speak, nor hang out anymore. (Nick)
- the ONE that is My Soul Mate, which I'm Still Struggling a Friendship Maitenance. (Bo)
I was Working on a Relationship w/ Brandon, but he seemingly made it Clear (I thought) that he did NOT want a Relationship (at this time)...and yet, I still Pushed (a little).
See, at this point in My Life...I have been Single for Over a Year (since Sept. 2009) & although it's been Good for me to get My Life somewhat back on Balance (or at least MORE Work-related Topsy Turvy), I feel as though I am Ready to get back Involved w/ Somebody on a More Solitary / Exclusive Level.
Of course, this does NOT mean that I'm going to Say YES to the Guy whom asked me to be "HIS" at the Bar, after 3 hrs. of Football. *rolls eyes*, I want something "Meaningful"...Not just a Manly Body to Curl up next to. :P
On the Flip Side, I'm Tired of the ongoing Dates w/ Random "Cuties" that have been Leading to Nothing beyond a Make out session & a "Maybe we'll hang out later" (if I'm Not too busy). :\
So, that has led me into the Arms of Chris (Air Force Boy)...whom I have Known for like 3 years now. We've been "Friends", although barely hanging out...we didn't really get to start knowing each other until this past 5-6 months. Again, I tell myself that I don't want to JUMP into anything Too quickly...but I don't tend to WAIT around Too Long either when I know that I'm Deffinetly Interested in Persuing (sp) something.
New Year's Eve rolled around (mind you, Chris & I had been talking "loosely" of Relationship-ness) & at Midnight, I called him up & asked him to be My Boyfriend. *blush*
His response (about 12 hrs. later): "Although, Not a bad idea...I think that we should take some time (like a Month w/ our schedules) to Actually GO OUT on some REAL DATES. Let me get to know your Personality, who You really are...when we're Not just Cuddling at your place." "Then we can decided how we Feel about it."...*gasp* Did a Guy just say that to me?! I am Astounded & Thrilled w/ his Thoughts! :)
However, this also meant that I Needed to Stop, Think a Moment, & handle another Situation (Brandon) that I'd Not been wanting to face...Mostly, because I didn't know how to talk about My Feelings w/o. damaging anything that we'd built thus far.
Finally I just kind of came out w/ it...Trying to Explain how I Thought that it was Really just Bad Timing w/ us. That, I Still wanted to be able to Call him My Bestie & Rely on him...as well as, let him Rely on me. I DO STILL LOVE BRANDON, & he Will ALWAYS Remain a Special "Soul Mate" part of My Life...but I just think it's Better to Distance the Romantic aspect of our Relationship for now.
I've known Brandon for 8 yrs. & although Most of that we were Apart...we still managed to Re-establish something from the Past...who's to say that we can't do it again?! I can't say what will happen Later in Life, Nobody can Predict the Future...but I also need to do what Feels Right during the Present.
He Understands this, but also feels Hurt (More so than I thought he would). It's Tough to know his Emotions, when he isn't even Fully aware of them. Now I'm left Feeling as though I just "Broke up" w/ him...when I was pretty sure that we weren't at that Stage in life. *sigh*
Sometimes, a girl just can't win...& No matter how Delicately You try to handle Somebody's Emotions, People Will Ineviteably get Hurt if they Care about You. I guess I'm just Glad to know that I have Such Wonderful People in My Life...& Wouldn't Honestly Trade them in for Anything in the World. I do Hope that BRANDON does NOT decide to Hate me, that would be an Emotional Blow to the Heart & Mental Discourse!
Anywho, guess that's about it for now.
~Didi~
P.S.
I am cutting back on My Drinking this year (2011),
a lot because I realize that I've gotten Drunk the last couple times Chris has come up to Denver from CO Springs.
As well as cutting back on Sexual relations for 2011.
I'm already weening Myself off of B.C. to make it easier to say No.
- These Decisions May or May Not effect the way that Chris Feels about me,
but I'm Hoping for them to be a Positive effort in My Life...
Regardless of what others think. ;)
In My Opinion, I TRY to do things differently in My Life to change...even though it's all generally relative in the Whole picture.
It seems as though, There Will ALWAYS be...
- a Guy that I LOVE Forever.
- a Guy that I LOVE at the Moment.
- a Guy that I let Slip Away.
- a Guy that Passed me By.
- Guys that Flirt, Attract, & Mess w/ My Head.
...but as the Years pass on, & I Continue My Weary Ways. I am becoming quite Cynical that I will Ever be able to Settle down w/ He whom so Many have dubbed "The ONE".
I'm almost Positive that I've already Met & gotten to Know the Following:
- the ONE that I Wanted to Marry, but NEVER will. (Lenny)
- the ONE that Will ALWAYS Love me, but that I would rather Not Marry. (Jeremy)
- the ONE that was My Best Friend / Lover, but barely we speak, nor hang out anymore. (Nick)
- the ONE that is My Soul Mate, which I'm Still Struggling a Friendship Maitenance. (Bo)
I was Working on a Relationship w/ Brandon, but he seemingly made it Clear (I thought) that he did NOT want a Relationship (at this time)...and yet, I still Pushed (a little).
See, at this point in My Life...I have been Single for Over a Year (since Sept. 2009) & although it's been Good for me to get My Life somewhat back on Balance (or at least MORE Work-related Topsy Turvy), I feel as though I am Ready to get back Involved w/ Somebody on a More Solitary / Exclusive Level.
Of course, this does NOT mean that I'm going to Say YES to the Guy whom asked me to be "HIS" at the Bar, after 3 hrs. of Football. *rolls eyes*, I want something "Meaningful"...Not just a Manly Body to Curl up next to. :P
On the Flip Side, I'm Tired of the ongoing Dates w/ Random "Cuties" that have been Leading to Nothing beyond a Make out session & a "Maybe we'll hang out later" (if I'm Not too busy). :\
So, that has led me into the Arms of Chris (Air Force Boy)...whom I have Known for like 3 years now. We've been "Friends", although barely hanging out...we didn't really get to start knowing each other until this past 5-6 months. Again, I tell myself that I don't want to JUMP into anything Too quickly...but I don't tend to WAIT around Too Long either when I know that I'm Deffinetly Interested in Persuing (sp) something.
New Year's Eve rolled around (mind you, Chris & I had been talking "loosely" of Relationship-ness) & at Midnight, I called him up & asked him to be My Boyfriend. *blush*
His response (about 12 hrs. later): "Although, Not a bad idea...I think that we should take some time (like a Month w/ our schedules) to Actually GO OUT on some REAL DATES. Let me get to know your Personality, who You really are...when we're Not just Cuddling at your place." "Then we can decided how we Feel about it."...*gasp* Did a Guy just say that to me?! I am Astounded & Thrilled w/ his Thoughts! :)
However, this also meant that I Needed to Stop, Think a Moment, & handle another Situation (Brandon) that I'd Not been wanting to face...Mostly, because I didn't know how to talk about My Feelings w/o. damaging anything that we'd built thus far.
Finally I just kind of came out w/ it...Trying to Explain how I Thought that it was Really just Bad Timing w/ us. That, I Still wanted to be able to Call him My Bestie & Rely on him...as well as, let him Rely on me. I DO STILL LOVE BRANDON, & he Will ALWAYS Remain a Special "Soul Mate" part of My Life...but I just think it's Better to Distance the Romantic aspect of our Relationship for now.
I've known Brandon for 8 yrs. & although Most of that we were Apart...we still managed to Re-establish something from the Past...who's to say that we can't do it again?! I can't say what will happen Later in Life, Nobody can Predict the Future...but I also need to do what Feels Right during the Present.
He Understands this, but also feels Hurt (More so than I thought he would). It's Tough to know his Emotions, when he isn't even Fully aware of them. Now I'm left Feeling as though I just "Broke up" w/ him...when I was pretty sure that we weren't at that Stage in life. *sigh*
Sometimes, a girl just can't win...& No matter how Delicately You try to handle Somebody's Emotions, People Will Ineviteably get Hurt if they Care about You. I guess I'm just Glad to know that I have Such Wonderful People in My Life...& Wouldn't Honestly Trade them in for Anything in the World. I do Hope that BRANDON does NOT decide to Hate me, that would be an Emotional Blow to the Heart & Mental Discourse!
Anywho, guess that's about it for now.
~Didi~
P.S.
I am cutting back on My Drinking this year (2011),
a lot because I realize that I've gotten Drunk the last couple times Chris has come up to Denver from CO Springs.
As well as cutting back on Sexual relations for 2011.
I'm already weening Myself off of B.C. to make it easier to say No.
- These Decisions May or May Not effect the way that Chris Feels about me,
but I'm Hoping for them to be a Positive effort in My Life...
Regardless of what others think. ;)