(no subject)
I feel better than I did when last I posted. Lots of shit and stress and such. Suffice it to say I am starting to accomplish a bit of normality here in Arizona through the constant struggle between self and outside influence. I am so tired I can't sleep and I am so stressed out I can't relax. Makes me wish I partook in the 'bookie' as some call it. I should try to get some sleep tonight so I can be fully rested for my last day of official vacation. This summer has flown by like a spontaneously combusted Peregrine falcon. I feel like I got no rest and have 'grown up' too much. I hate bills and 'grown up' responsibilities like life and health insurance and interest rates. I had an English teacher when I was growing up who had the uncanny ability to teach you things that you never knew you needed to know until much later in life. When I graduated from high school he gave my Advanced Composition class a bunch of papers about how to approach life as you grow up and among those papers was a piece of prose/poetry about being six again. I list it below:
I want to be six again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think
it's the best place in the world to eat.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make waves with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money
because you can eat them.
I want to play kickball during recess
and stay up on Christmas Eve
waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.
I long for the days when life was simple.
When all you knew were your colors,
the addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes,
but it didn't bother you because
you didn't know what you didn't know,
and you didn't care.
I want to go to school and have snack time,
recess, gym, and field trips.
I want to be happy
because I don't know what should make me upset.
I want to think the world is fair,
and everyone in it is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
Sometime, while I was maturing,
I learned too much.
I learned of nuclear weapons,
starving and abused kids, and unhappy marriages.
I want to be six again.
I want to think that everyone, including myself,
will live forever because
I don't know the concept of death.
I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life,
and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want television to be something I watch for fun,
not something I use for escape from the things I should be doing.
I want to live knowing
the little things I find exciting,
will always make me as happy as when I first learned them.
I want to be six again.
I remember not seeing the world as a whole,
but rather being aware of only
the things that directly concerned me.
I want to be naive enough to think that if
I'm happy, so is everyone else.
I want to walk down the beach and think
only of the sand beneath my feet,
and the possibility of finding
that blue piece of sea glass I'm looking for.
I want to spend my afternoons
climbing trees and riding my bike,
letting the grownups worry about time,
the dentist, and how to find the money to fix the car.
I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up,
not worry what I'll do if this doesn't work out.
I want that time back.
I want to use it now as an escape,
so that when my computer crashes,
or I have a mountain of paperwork,
or two depressed friends,
or second thoughts about so many things,
I can travel back and build snowmen
without thinking about anything
except whether the snow sticks together
and what I can possibly use for the snowman's mouth.
I want to be six again.
I would add that when I was six, Legos were the best toys EVER because you could build so many things with them and when you were bored with that shape you could destroy it and build something else. Life was good then, for most. Six was not a good age for some, I am sure, but this hefty 24 year old wouldn't mind going back to a chubby six years old for a day or so.
Stig,
Drew
I want to be six again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think
it's the best place in the world to eat.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make waves with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money
because you can eat them.
I want to play kickball during recess
and stay up on Christmas Eve
waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.
I long for the days when life was simple.
When all you knew were your colors,
the addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes,
but it didn't bother you because
you didn't know what you didn't know,
and you didn't care.
I want to go to school and have snack time,
recess, gym, and field trips.
I want to be happy
because I don't know what should make me upset.
I want to think the world is fair,
and everyone in it is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
Sometime, while I was maturing,
I learned too much.
I learned of nuclear weapons,
starving and abused kids, and unhappy marriages.
I want to be six again.
I want to think that everyone, including myself,
will live forever because
I don't know the concept of death.
I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life,
and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want television to be something I watch for fun,
not something I use for escape from the things I should be doing.
I want to live knowing
the little things I find exciting,
will always make me as happy as when I first learned them.
I want to be six again.
I remember not seeing the world as a whole,
but rather being aware of only
the things that directly concerned me.
I want to be naive enough to think that if
I'm happy, so is everyone else.
I want to walk down the beach and think
only of the sand beneath my feet,
and the possibility of finding
that blue piece of sea glass I'm looking for.
I want to spend my afternoons
climbing trees and riding my bike,
letting the grownups worry about time,
the dentist, and how to find the money to fix the car.
I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up,
not worry what I'll do if this doesn't work out.
I want that time back.
I want to use it now as an escape,
so that when my computer crashes,
or I have a mountain of paperwork,
or two depressed friends,
or second thoughts about so many things,
I can travel back and build snowmen
without thinking about anything
except whether the snow sticks together
and what I can possibly use for the snowman's mouth.
I want to be six again.
I would add that when I was six, Legos were the best toys EVER because you could build so many things with them and when you were bored with that shape you could destroy it and build something else. Life was good then, for most. Six was not a good age for some, I am sure, but this hefty 24 year old wouldn't mind going back to a chubby six years old for a day or so.
Stig,
Drew