[fanfiction] Soundless Wings

[didgeridoodle]

Title: Soundless Wings

Author: didgeridoodle 
Rating: T
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: America, England and some civilians.
Pairings: America/England
Word Count: 3,346
Warnings: Some swearing on England's part.

Summary: To somewhat assuage England's stress from work, America presents him the most unusual of treats - a ride in a hot air balloon.

Notes: Written for strawberryburst

Comments

[didgeridoodle]

Sorry for the extremely late reply! I had a lot of things on my plate and it all just went downhill from there. ||OTL

I hope it's okay to post my notes here, since you posted it at the workshop comm. Generally, this is excellent aside from a few spelling/grammar mistakes. Also, there are couple of places with awkward syntax. (I can go through these in detail if you like.)

No problem at all! :) Thanks for saying so! If you have time, can you please point them out? Perhaps there are noticeable mistakes that I've failed to gloss over. It'll be great if someone covered up for my lack of foresight. :) I'd appreciate it very much if you pointed out the ones which had the wonky syntax, too. I'll do my best to revise them. Aaand, I do apologize if I'm asking too much or if you're against spoon-feeding. Just say the word! :)

One very important thing, never use the word "chortled." A "real" editor would throw your work in the bin *had a very stern dressing down from her advanced fiction workshop prof*

/looks at that line. What would you suggest as a proper alternative? Would "said America, chortling." sound more appropriate?

This is on the whole an excellent piece of writing. You picked your characterizations and stuck to them very well. Although I have to say, I personally think time-zone oblivious America is a little over done. I see how it works for the story here though. In any case, while I might disagree with your characterizations on a personal level, they are most certainly well executed.

Ahaha, yes, that time-zone ruckus was treated as a plot device, just to aggravate England's stress and fatigue even further. But we can't put that past America, right? :) Even if he does do that a lot, we still love him, anyway.

And thanks for the compliments! ♥

Please don't worry about the disagreements, though. We all have our respective headcanon for the characters, and just you saying that my characterizations somehow work is definitely good enough for me! :)

The story is cute, but not cutesy and very well-told. Your prose is tight, which is good, not too many unnecessary words and your vocabulary is very well displayed ;)

I guess a bit more exposition is in order, right? It's the end, isn't it? But thank you, still!

As I said, another read through would probably fix the instances of misspellings and awkward syntax, but other than that, I think you're definitely ready to post this to the main comm.

Thank you for posting it to the workshop comm and thank you for your patience :D

It's certainly my pleasure! Thank you for this much constructive criticism! Srsly, I'd pay good money for such an asset. I truly appreciate it! :)

Re: Grammar & Syntax notes

[didgeridoodle]

All corrections are duly noted and taken into account. :) Though I must respectfully disagree with one bit.

Please do forgive me if I've made a real grammatical faux pas here, but I believe 'pouring' is mostly used in conjunction with liquids, right? :) 'Poring' is more of a synonym for 'perusing' more than anything, I believe.

Aside from that, everything is nothing short of awesome and is extremely helpful. Thank youuu! I do appreciate it. ♥

Re: Grammar & Syntax notes

[didgeridoodle]

It happens to the best of us. No worries! :)

♥♥♥

Re: Some more notes

[didgeridoodle]

I'll do a slight rewrite to integrate these aspects later. Thanks so much for the input! :)