what would be a good title for this sitcom - my life that is...
ok - here's proof that i have a lot of single years left in me and that my *love* life is here for purely entertainment purposes.
previous entries will tell the brief tale of Jeff - a friend of Meryl's who she set me up with for a blind date. the date was ok - no chemistry or anything, and really i thought he was kind of... simple. but what the heck. come to find out, he has a girlfriend. odd... do you normally go on blind dates and pay for everything, strange simple man from iowa?
he's about to move to miluakee, and wants me to meet his roomate, ernie/brett (ps - the only person who calls brett by his nickname is jeff... a point of interest later in this story...) now - i don't want to meet his roomate. i've met the requirements for this part of the cycle - get bored being single, go on date that turns into disaster, remind myself of exactly who/what i'm waiting for, and resume contended singleness. but i somehow had agreed to brunch with these two country bumpkins.
brunch was ok - i made them come into the city (they live in the burbs) and it was like a whole new world to them. i found the country mouse/city mouse dynamic a little annoying. by the by, brett asks me to go to a *party* for Jeff. he's getting two masters degrees from Ga Tech. (proof that what i want is not just a smart man, but an intelligent man.) i say ok and arrange for a friend to go with me to this *party*. a couple hours before the event, i am called and told this will be a small, family gathering, and don't bring any friends. GREAT. why do i go? only because i want brett ot fix my computer the next day, as he's computer guy or something. (which he couldn't do...) i get there, and what do i have, but about 15 family members and friends watching NASCAR. several of jeff's army buddies are telling stories abuot shitting themselves and what not. most stories are coming from a man called Shitbreak. I am introduced as Brett's date, whom he "met through jeff." i said outloud, "i don't really know jeff either." my thinly vieled contempt gave me away, i'm sure. so i am invited to this party under false pretenses, and don't even get the reward for my labor because brett was useless in fixing the computer.
fast forward to last weekend. my friends and i are at the mall, and brett calls. do i answer? heck no. i am screening all calls from him and jeff. brett's message says "we're having a party tongiht at the apartment. was hoping you and your friends could come. we've got some beer left from jeff's party last weekend. call me." i laugh. I'm not falling for brett's definition of party again. but low and behold, later, my friends and i are looking for laughs. I call both jeff and brett to see about this alleged party. niether answer, so i figure the party must be pretty loud. we drive to BFE to their apartment and find it completely dark. it's about 11:30. i leave a message on brett's phone that says "we came to your party but the lights are out. i guess you guys are in bed." the next day, brett calls to say that they must have "just left" when we got there. yeah. right.
fast forward to tonight. jeff calls. again, screened him. voice mail says "i'm so sorry i didn't call you last week. (i DON"T need a weekly check in from you. he calls at least twice a week just to chat! we're not friends! we're not dating! call your girlfriend!) i saw that you called last weekend. i was in savannah all weekend with some friends. i was hoping we could hang out, maybe get dinner this week before we go our seperate ways." now, in the words of my sister, we have always had seperate ways. we never had SAME ways. and if you were in savannah, why is your lame-o roomate saying you guys are throwing a party? again, i think what that meant was if you bring your friends to my apartment, we'll have a party. ahhhhh.
the big kick in all this is that i am sure brett is gay and in love with jeff from the closet. he's moved twice across the country to live with jeff - even ON the army base while jeff was stationed in iraq. brett is totally sad that jeff is leaving atlanta, and is trying to date me to convince others he's not gay. the only time i saw him light up at the nascar party was when he was trying to convince jeff he had the time to travel with him this summer. now jeff, he is strange too in his own way. you really don't need to take me to dinner any more, dude. you. have. a. girlfriend. i am not her. i know she looks like a fraggle and talks with a lisp because i met her at your graduation *party*. but honestly. i ain't playin it.
ok - mostly i just wanted to get these details down because i KNOW the beginnings of a great short story are in there somewhere. if you actually read all this, i hope you found it all as funny as i do. if you are brett - sorry, the truth hurts. but gay is ok. just be yourself. stop dreaming in private about what might be and just tell him how you feel. rent chasing amy. start up some conversations. just don't involve me in your sexual denial games any more.
previous entries will tell the brief tale of Jeff - a friend of Meryl's who she set me up with for a blind date. the date was ok - no chemistry or anything, and really i thought he was kind of... simple. but what the heck. come to find out, he has a girlfriend. odd... do you normally go on blind dates and pay for everything, strange simple man from iowa?
he's about to move to miluakee, and wants me to meet his roomate, ernie/brett (ps - the only person who calls brett by his nickname is jeff... a point of interest later in this story...) now - i don't want to meet his roomate. i've met the requirements for this part of the cycle - get bored being single, go on date that turns into disaster, remind myself of exactly who/what i'm waiting for, and resume contended singleness. but i somehow had agreed to brunch with these two country bumpkins.
brunch was ok - i made them come into the city (they live in the burbs) and it was like a whole new world to them. i found the country mouse/city mouse dynamic a little annoying. by the by, brett asks me to go to a *party* for Jeff. he's getting two masters degrees from Ga Tech. (proof that what i want is not just a smart man, but an intelligent man.) i say ok and arrange for a friend to go with me to this *party*. a couple hours before the event, i am called and told this will be a small, family gathering, and don't bring any friends. GREAT. why do i go? only because i want brett ot fix my computer the next day, as he's computer guy or something. (which he couldn't do...) i get there, and what do i have, but about 15 family members and friends watching NASCAR. several of jeff's army buddies are telling stories abuot shitting themselves and what not. most stories are coming from a man called Shitbreak. I am introduced as Brett's date, whom he "met through jeff." i said outloud, "i don't really know jeff either." my thinly vieled contempt gave me away, i'm sure. so i am invited to this party under false pretenses, and don't even get the reward for my labor because brett was useless in fixing the computer.
fast forward to last weekend. my friends and i are at the mall, and brett calls. do i answer? heck no. i am screening all calls from him and jeff. brett's message says "we're having a party tongiht at the apartment. was hoping you and your friends could come. we've got some beer left from jeff's party last weekend. call me." i laugh. I'm not falling for brett's definition of party again. but low and behold, later, my friends and i are looking for laughs. I call both jeff and brett to see about this alleged party. niether answer, so i figure the party must be pretty loud. we drive to BFE to their apartment and find it completely dark. it's about 11:30. i leave a message on brett's phone that says "we came to your party but the lights are out. i guess you guys are in bed." the next day, brett calls to say that they must have "just left" when we got there. yeah. right.
fast forward to tonight. jeff calls. again, screened him. voice mail says "i'm so sorry i didn't call you last week. (i DON"T need a weekly check in from you. he calls at least twice a week just to chat! we're not friends! we're not dating! call your girlfriend!) i saw that you called last weekend. i was in savannah all weekend with some friends. i was hoping we could hang out, maybe get dinner this week before we go our seperate ways." now, in the words of my sister, we have always had seperate ways. we never had SAME ways. and if you were in savannah, why is your lame-o roomate saying you guys are throwing a party? again, i think what that meant was if you bring your friends to my apartment, we'll have a party. ahhhhh.
the big kick in all this is that i am sure brett is gay and in love with jeff from the closet. he's moved twice across the country to live with jeff - even ON the army base while jeff was stationed in iraq. brett is totally sad that jeff is leaving atlanta, and is trying to date me to convince others he's not gay. the only time i saw him light up at the nascar party was when he was trying to convince jeff he had the time to travel with him this summer. now jeff, he is strange too in his own way. you really don't need to take me to dinner any more, dude. you. have. a. girlfriend. i am not her. i know she looks like a fraggle and talks with a lisp because i met her at your graduation *party*. but honestly. i ain't playin it.
ok - mostly i just wanted to get these details down because i KNOW the beginnings of a great short story are in there somewhere. if you actually read all this, i hope you found it all as funny as i do. if you are brett - sorry, the truth hurts. but gay is ok. just be yourself. stop dreaming in private about what might be and just tell him how you feel. rent chasing amy. start up some conversations. just don't involve me in your sexual denial games any more.