My fear of Life.
I'll admit it:Life scares me.
The idea that one day it will end. The fact that it is run by time. The fact that I've only got one and I have to try not to fuck it up. These things scare the shit out of me. I have a tendency to make mistakes. Life is not a care free thing. What if I fuck it up. What if I end up ruining my life?
It only took a second for mine to begin (if you count conception) hours if you count birth. How long will it take for it to end? I am sure that I can ruin things at about that length of time.
It will end and what if I never truly live? What if I live my life in a little bubble and never do anything to feel alive? I am alive but do I ever actually feel alive? How does one feel alive?
And time. It goes by so fast. I am young, that I know. But I feel so old. These children I've seen grow up. My sister that I held as a baby is now dating. My brother is driving! My baby cousins are having kids. My aunts are grandparents. Everyone is growing up and time keeps moving on. Life is ruled by time, and I am not sure I like this whole time thing. Why can life just move and not have seconds, minutes, or hours to tell us how long it's been? Maybe life would feel a lot longer or maybe shorter than it does.
I just went on to another topic, but damn, this life thing is scary.
The idea that one day it will end. The fact that it is run by time. The fact that I've only got one and I have to try not to fuck it up. These things scare the shit out of me. I have a tendency to make mistakes. Life is not a care free thing. What if I fuck it up. What if I end up ruining my life?
It only took a second for mine to begin (if you count conception) hours if you count birth. How long will it take for it to end? I am sure that I can ruin things at about that length of time.
It will end and what if I never truly live? What if I live my life in a little bubble and never do anything to feel alive? I am alive but do I ever actually feel alive? How does one feel alive?
And time. It goes by so fast. I am young, that I know. But I feel so old. These children I've seen grow up. My sister that I held as a baby is now dating. My brother is driving! My baby cousins are having kids. My aunts are grandparents. Everyone is growing up and time keeps moving on. Life is ruled by time, and I am not sure I like this whole time thing. Why can life just move and not have seconds, minutes, or hours to tell us how long it's been? Maybe life would feel a lot longer or maybe shorter than it does.
I just went on to another topic, but damn, this life thing is scary.