fic: As If It Were Undone
Title: As If It Were Undone
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Pairing: 8059 / 5980, Bianchi (not yet tyl!verse but they're legal enough to fuck drink lol)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine
Note: Beta by theotherdenise who's awesome beyond words <3. Written for Gokudera's birthday
Summary: As if it could be undone, but it’s too late because Hayato’s already falling.
The first time was horrifyingly cliché.
It was only a kiss (it was only a kiss) and there was a slight mishap when Hayato lifted his head from his book and looked up to Takeshi who was standing a little too close above him.
Hayato might or might not have initiated the kiss (it was only a kiss anyway, so) but he blamed it all on puberty.
-
Hayato’s first time, first time was between some of the rundown buildings along the harbor way; and the other boy, two years older and a head taller, had one of his dirty hands on Hayato’s cock while another palmed Hayato’s balls. A few movements later and Hayato came messily on his pants and afterwards he got on his knees breathing-suffocating-breathing and sucked a cock like he meant it.
-
Halfway through No Man’s Land, Takeshi scoots over, closing the entire five inches gap between them and places his hand on Hayato’s thigh.
What could have happened next:
They finish watching the movie. Takeshi goes home.
What had happened next:
On the television screen Chiki is talking to Nino. On the couch Hayato’s fingers dig into the skin above Takeshi’s hips. Takeshi’s knee slides between Hayato’s thighs. There are soft chuckles and exasperated grunts and noises, but it doesn’t end there.
-
“Are you in love with him?”
“No, I’m not in love with him.”
“But you’re fucking him.”
“He’s convenient.”
Bianchi doesn’t sigh but she narrows her eyes slightly. What a strange boy her brother is, because Hayato hates to love, loves to hate, but to Bianchi love is like breaking your heart into small parts and putting it all back together by a single touch, love is waking up in the morning and knowing you’re not alone, love is putting your pride aside and shamelessly, selfishly wanting, love is-
“Love is convenient.”
“Only if you’re looking for heartache.”
What a strange boy her brother is.
-
Fourteen years ago; it seems like a lifetime. Back at the mansion when home was still a home to Hayato (fourteen years later he has yet to find a new home) when everyone was deep in their slumber Bianchi would drag him to the kitchen for late-night cooking lessons, perfection, she would say seriously while wearing a pink-flower-patterned apron with too many frills, cook with your soul Hayato, she would say and Hayato would always end up with stomach cramp for the rest of the night.
Five years later, while hopping from one home to another (because home is where the heart is, so they say and he has yet to find a new home); living on the streets was an option but was not a comfortable option so Hayato ended up living with a bunch of kids from the streets in an abandoned warehouse. Once there was a period where even the Termini Station wasn’t a safe ground for the pick-pocketers, and when the money was too tight, they ceased to steal from the market and that was when Hayato put his culinary skill into exercise and experimented with zucchinis and bell peppers. They had a feast that day and it was the first time he thought of home.
-
“A torque bangle, Yamamoto? Really.”
“Yes. You always seem to be wearing that sort of stuff. Hey, put it on, Gokudera.”
“It looks exactly like the one you’re wearing now.”
“It’s cheaper to buy in a pair.”
“Somehow your logic escapes me.” Hayato says, but puts the bangle on his left wrist. It is made of surgical stainless steel, solid with seamless tubing and hollow balls. It fits him flawlessly, but still, “Well, shit. People will start to think I have tacky taste like yours.”
“So you don’t like it?”
“Of course I don’t.”
Except he does. But he isn’t going to dwell on that.
-
Hayato likes to be fucked from behind and Takeshi knows this, indulges him with sharp, rough thrusts and the flick of his wrist where he strokes Hayato’s cock with his free hand. Damn fucking bastard, Hayato says and what he means is, come on, come on, don’t fucking stop, idiot, just let me-
(Sometimes it was Hayato who flipped Takeshi around, flat on his back, spread him open and fucked him, undo him, and he indulged himself by watching Takeshi’s mask-less, smile-less, flushed face)
Hayato comes rigid on the bedspread; he will regret this later when he spots the stain on the navy 500 thread-count cotton sheet. He turns around and Takeshi is still hard. He lets Takeshi fuck his mouth and when Hayato slides two of his fingers inside Takeshi’s hole, it is all Takeshi can do but to groan and thrash and come hard inside Hayato’s mouth.
Takeshi may or may not say the goddamned ‘L’ word but Hayato can’t be too sure (and Hayato can live without the certainty, thank you very much) and he blames it all on orgasm bliss.
-
“Hayato-”
“Damnit sis. I’m not fucking in love with him!”
-
One and a half weeks before Japan, there was a night where Hayato found himself gripping onto the plastic receiver too tight, dialing the number he had memorized by heart (though he had never thought he would be calling again, ever, so) and curling and uncurling his free hand in his pocket until there was a faint breath on the other line, static and familiar and, “Bianchi.”
“Hayato! Where are you-”
“Shhhhh, listen, listen. I just-” I’m tired, he would say, I’m so unbelievably tired, he would say, and I can’t seem to find a solid ground to stand because I’d never belong, he would say, but all he said was, “I’m leaving Italy.”
“Where the hell are you going? Hayato! Do you need money-”
“Sis.”
“Yes, brother?”
“I’m okay,” he said, a well crafted lie, colors and rainbows. “I’ll be okay. Okay.”
-
Hayato dislikes people in general; dislikes the drama, dislikes the instability because despite of their intelligence and ability to produce logic, people are subconsciously emotional-masochistic. People complicated things, complicated life or to put it simply: people are fucked up.
(Once he had a stray and he named her Schrödinger. She kept him warm by sleeping on his ankle almost every night at the train station. Not long after Hayato concluded that perhaps animals are more human than people, but, well that was before Tsuna, before Uri)
-
“Ahh Gokudera-kun. Are you here to pick up Takeshi’s wallet?”
“Yes.”
“He was such in a hurry when he left for practice this morning.”
“Umm Yes. Yamamoto-san, the wallet?”
“That boy, sometimes he just-”
“Sure, sure but I need the-”
“-making his old man proud, that Takeshi, my son-”
“With all due respect sir, your son is an idiot.”
“Ahh yes of course. But he has you, Gokudera-kun. So I’m not worried.”
“The wallet Yamamoto-san, the wallet, please.”
-
Hayato dislikes people because people are fucked up, meaning: Hayato is fucked up, meaning: Hayato is people. Hayato’s unable accept a simple solution to an equation without identifying every set of possibilities, without analyzing every divergence, mainly because Hayato is analytically fucked up and can’t grasp the concept of straightforward justification.
(So the day when Takeshi smiled bashfully and said I like you a lot Gokudera under the bright kitchen light at Takesushi, Hayato blinked madly at the wall but couldn’t came up with any sensible explanations for why his heart skipped a beat, for why his mouth went dry or for why he had the sudden urge to melt into a puddle of goo on restaurant the floor. He said fuck off and left.)
Hayato dislikes people and in return people are supposed to dislike him.
-
Unfortunately, not even three days after Operation Evade the Idiot and Stop Fucking the Idiot, Takeshi announces his arrival, uninvited and unwelcome in front of Hayato’s doorstep wearing his infuriatingly smug shit-eating grin. It isn’t fair, Hayato thinks, because Takeshi’s flushed and smells of soap mingled with sweat and because they’d soon end up fucking on the rug near the couch; but at least Hayato makes a point not to cuddle afterwards.
And it isn’t fair, Hayato thinks while glaring furiously at Takeshi, who’s abusing the remote by clicking channel after channel because of Hayato’s newfound incapability to say ‘no’ to the idiot and really mean it.
-
“This is so fuck up.”
“No shit. Look at this place. Why am I sitting at a bar surrounded by cocks? Where are all the estrogens?”
“You are the fuck up. I didn’t invite you to come along.”
“Details, details, whatever.” Shamal flicks some ashes from the bar counter, and pours them each another shot of whiskey. “And you know what they say?”
“Who the hell are they?”
“Misery loves company.”
“Gurrhhh?”
“Though in your case the feeling is mutual, because you love misery.”
“I do fucking not.”
“Yes you fucking do.”
“Well, in that case, screw you old fart.”
“No thanks but hey, isn’t this a gay bar?”
-
Once Hayato had a stray and he named her Schrödinger. She kept him warm by sleeping on his ankle almost every night at the train station. But that was until three weeks later when he found her mangled remains on the railway.
-
“I love you.”
“Gurghh what’s that-?”
So this was how they came to this. Between both of them, they had polished off a whole bottle of wine. Operation Do Not Get Drunk with the Idiot had totally slipped from Hayato’s mind (of course later he blames it on his alcohol-impaired mind). No Man’s Land was on the screen again because they never finished watching it the first time. Hayato lit a cigarette and Takeshi accidentally knocked down the astray. Hayato said oh what the fuck have you done, you fucktard none-too-politely and Takeshi laughed none-too-politely in return and they both squatted down to clean up the mess. It was a nice rug, really, a light tan with simple oriental design that had cost him only $189.99 during the Labor Day bargains. Hayato cursed again just because and Takeshi laughed again in return and it’s like a whole new world of jolly drunken madness but the said world somehow seemed to shrink because when Takeshi laughed, Hayato could feel the vibration underneath his skin; and that was when Takeshi whispered against Hayato’s neck.
But here’s the trick; he can pretend like shit didn’t happen, as if it were undone and fuck off idiot and thank you very much for messing up with my head but no, really-, and then avoid eye contact at all cost because Takeshi said it like he actually meant it, because of the goddamned range theory of probability, because there’s a possibility that if he were, he might not be able to stop himself from doing something irreparable and utterly stupid like falling.
“The thing is, Gokudera, I can be stubborn too. I’m sorry but I don’t know how to stop myself from being yours.”
What could have happened next:
They finish watching the movie. Hayato makes Takeshi promise to pay for the dry-cleaning of the rug. Takeshi goes home.
What had happened next:
Hayato snorts and then smacks the back of Takeshi’s head before fisting his hair and pulls him for a kiss (he says the three little words, shut up dumbass-) but it doesn’t end there, of course.
As if it could be undone, but it’s too late because Hayato’s already falling.
-
“It’s such a stunning emotion, Hayato, like a band of colors or ribbon of flowers sprouting deep in your-”
“Shut the fuck up, sis. God.”
-
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Pairing: 8059 / 5980, Bianchi (not yet tyl!verse but they're legal enough to fuck drink lol)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine
Note: Beta by theotherdenise who's awesome beyond words <3. Written for Gokudera's birthday
Summary: As if it could be undone, but it’s too late because Hayato’s already falling.
The first time was horrifyingly cliché.
It was only a kiss (it was only a kiss) and there was a slight mishap when Hayato lifted his head from his book and looked up to Takeshi who was standing a little too close above him.
Hayato might or might not have initiated the kiss (it was only a kiss anyway, so) but he blamed it all on puberty.
-
Hayato’s first time, first time was between some of the rundown buildings along the harbor way; and the other boy, two years older and a head taller, had one of his dirty hands on Hayato’s cock while another palmed Hayato’s balls. A few movements later and Hayato came messily on his pants and afterwards he got on his knees breathing-suffocating-breathing and sucked a cock like he meant it.
-
Halfway through No Man’s Land, Takeshi scoots over, closing the entire five inches gap between them and places his hand on Hayato’s thigh.
What could have happened next:
They finish watching the movie. Takeshi goes home.
What had happened next:
On the television screen Chiki is talking to Nino. On the couch Hayato’s fingers dig into the skin above Takeshi’s hips. Takeshi’s knee slides between Hayato’s thighs. There are soft chuckles and exasperated grunts and noises, but it doesn’t end there.
-
“Are you in love with him?”
“No, I’m not in love with him.”
“But you’re fucking him.”
“He’s convenient.”
Bianchi doesn’t sigh but she narrows her eyes slightly. What a strange boy her brother is, because Hayato hates to love, loves to hate, but to Bianchi love is like breaking your heart into small parts and putting it all back together by a single touch, love is waking up in the morning and knowing you’re not alone, love is putting your pride aside and shamelessly, selfishly wanting, love is-
“Love is convenient.”
“Only if you’re looking for heartache.”
What a strange boy her brother is.
-
Fourteen years ago; it seems like a lifetime. Back at the mansion when home was still a home to Hayato (fourteen years later he has yet to find a new home) when everyone was deep in their slumber Bianchi would drag him to the kitchen for late-night cooking lessons, perfection, she would say seriously while wearing a pink-flower-patterned apron with too many frills, cook with your soul Hayato, she would say and Hayato would always end up with stomach cramp for the rest of the night.
Five years later, while hopping from one home to another (because home is where the heart is, so they say and he has yet to find a new home); living on the streets was an option but was not a comfortable option so Hayato ended up living with a bunch of kids from the streets in an abandoned warehouse. Once there was a period where even the Termini Station wasn’t a safe ground for the pick-pocketers, and when the money was too tight, they ceased to steal from the market and that was when Hayato put his culinary skill into exercise and experimented with zucchinis and bell peppers. They had a feast that day and it was the first time he thought of home.
-
“A torque bangle, Yamamoto? Really.”
“Yes. You always seem to be wearing that sort of stuff. Hey, put it on, Gokudera.”
“It looks exactly like the one you’re wearing now.”
“It’s cheaper to buy in a pair.”
“Somehow your logic escapes me.” Hayato says, but puts the bangle on his left wrist. It is made of surgical stainless steel, solid with seamless tubing and hollow balls. It fits him flawlessly, but still, “Well, shit. People will start to think I have tacky taste like yours.”
“So you don’t like it?”
“Of course I don’t.”
Except he does. But he isn’t going to dwell on that.
-
Hayato likes to be fucked from behind and Takeshi knows this, indulges him with sharp, rough thrusts and the flick of his wrist where he strokes Hayato’s cock with his free hand. Damn fucking bastard, Hayato says and what he means is, come on, come on, don’t fucking stop, idiot, just let me-
(Sometimes it was Hayato who flipped Takeshi around, flat on his back, spread him open and fucked him, undo him, and he indulged himself by watching Takeshi’s mask-less, smile-less, flushed face)
Hayato comes rigid on the bedspread; he will regret this later when he spots the stain on the navy 500 thread-count cotton sheet. He turns around and Takeshi is still hard. He lets Takeshi fuck his mouth and when Hayato slides two of his fingers inside Takeshi’s hole, it is all Takeshi can do but to groan and thrash and come hard inside Hayato’s mouth.
Takeshi may or may not say the goddamned ‘L’ word but Hayato can’t be too sure (and Hayato can live without the certainty, thank you very much) and he blames it all on orgasm bliss.
-
“Hayato-”
“Damnit sis. I’m not fucking in love with him!”
-
One and a half weeks before Japan, there was a night where Hayato found himself gripping onto the plastic receiver too tight, dialing the number he had memorized by heart (though he had never thought he would be calling again, ever, so) and curling and uncurling his free hand in his pocket until there was a faint breath on the other line, static and familiar and, “Bianchi.”
“Hayato! Where are you-”
“Shhhhh, listen, listen. I just-” I’m tired, he would say, I’m so unbelievably tired, he would say, and I can’t seem to find a solid ground to stand because I’d never belong, he would say, but all he said was, “I’m leaving Italy.”
“Where the hell are you going? Hayato! Do you need money-”
“Sis.”
“Yes, brother?”
“I’m okay,” he said, a well crafted lie, colors and rainbows. “I’ll be okay. Okay.”
-
Hayato dislikes people in general; dislikes the drama, dislikes the instability because despite of their intelligence and ability to produce logic, people are subconsciously emotional-masochistic. People complicated things, complicated life or to put it simply: people are fucked up.
(Once he had a stray and he named her Schrödinger. She kept him warm by sleeping on his ankle almost every night at the train station. Not long after Hayato concluded that perhaps animals are more human than people, but, well that was before Tsuna, before Uri)
-
“Ahh Gokudera-kun. Are you here to pick up Takeshi’s wallet?”
“Yes.”
“He was such in a hurry when he left for practice this morning.”
“Umm Yes. Yamamoto-san, the wallet?”
“That boy, sometimes he just-”
“Sure, sure but I need the-”
“-making his old man proud, that Takeshi, my son-”
“With all due respect sir, your son is an idiot.”
“Ahh yes of course. But he has you, Gokudera-kun. So I’m not worried.”
“The wallet Yamamoto-san, the wallet, please.”
-
Hayato dislikes people because people are fucked up, meaning: Hayato is fucked up, meaning: Hayato is people. Hayato’s unable accept a simple solution to an equation without identifying every set of possibilities, without analyzing every divergence, mainly because Hayato is analytically fucked up and can’t grasp the concept of straightforward justification.
(So the day when Takeshi smiled bashfully and said I like you a lot Gokudera under the bright kitchen light at Takesushi, Hayato blinked madly at the wall but couldn’t came up with any sensible explanations for why his heart skipped a beat, for why his mouth went dry or for why he had the sudden urge to melt into a puddle of goo on restaurant the floor. He said fuck off and left.)
Hayato dislikes people and in return people are supposed to dislike him.
-
Unfortunately, not even three days after Operation Evade the Idiot and Stop Fucking the Idiot, Takeshi announces his arrival, uninvited and unwelcome in front of Hayato’s doorstep wearing his infuriatingly smug shit-eating grin. It isn’t fair, Hayato thinks, because Takeshi’s flushed and smells of soap mingled with sweat and because they’d soon end up fucking on the rug near the couch; but at least Hayato makes a point not to cuddle afterwards.
And it isn’t fair, Hayato thinks while glaring furiously at Takeshi, who’s abusing the remote by clicking channel after channel because of Hayato’s newfound incapability to say ‘no’ to the idiot and really mean it.
-
“This is so fuck up.”
“No shit. Look at this place. Why am I sitting at a bar surrounded by cocks? Where are all the estrogens?”
“You are the fuck up. I didn’t invite you to come along.”
“Details, details, whatever.” Shamal flicks some ashes from the bar counter, and pours them each another shot of whiskey. “And you know what they say?”
“Who the hell are they?”
“Misery loves company.”
“Gurrhhh?”
“Though in your case the feeling is mutual, because you love misery.”
“I do fucking not.”
“Yes you fucking do.”
“Well, in that case, screw you old fart.”
“No thanks but hey, isn’t this a gay bar?”
-
Once Hayato had a stray and he named her Schrödinger. She kept him warm by sleeping on his ankle almost every night at the train station. But that was until three weeks later when he found her mangled remains on the railway.
-
“I love you.”
“Gurghh what’s that-?”
So this was how they came to this. Between both of them, they had polished off a whole bottle of wine. Operation Do Not Get Drunk with the Idiot had totally slipped from Hayato’s mind (of course later he blames it on his alcohol-impaired mind). No Man’s Land was on the screen again because they never finished watching it the first time. Hayato lit a cigarette and Takeshi accidentally knocked down the astray. Hayato said oh what the fuck have you done, you fucktard none-too-politely and Takeshi laughed none-too-politely in return and they both squatted down to clean up the mess. It was a nice rug, really, a light tan with simple oriental design that had cost him only $189.99 during the Labor Day bargains. Hayato cursed again just because and Takeshi laughed again in return and it’s like a whole new world of jolly drunken madness but the said world somehow seemed to shrink because when Takeshi laughed, Hayato could feel the vibration underneath his skin; and that was when Takeshi whispered against Hayato’s neck.
But here’s the trick; he can pretend like shit didn’t happen, as if it were undone and fuck off idiot and thank you very much for messing up with my head but no, really-, and then avoid eye contact at all cost because Takeshi said it like he actually meant it, because of the goddamned range theory of probability, because there’s a possibility that if he were, he might not be able to stop himself from doing something irreparable and utterly stupid like falling.
“The thing is, Gokudera, I can be stubborn too. I’m sorry but I don’t know how to stop myself from being yours.”
What could have happened next:
They finish watching the movie. Hayato makes Takeshi promise to pay for the dry-cleaning of the rug. Takeshi goes home.
What had happened next:
Hayato snorts and then smacks the back of Takeshi’s head before fisting his hair and pulls him for a kiss (he says the three little words, shut up dumbass-) but it doesn’t end there, of course.
As if it could be undone, but it’s too late because Hayato’s already falling.
-
“It’s such a stunning emotion, Hayato, like a band of colors or ribbon of flowers sprouting deep in your-”
“Shut the fuck up, sis. God.”
-