last update?
anyways, after experimenting with how to make other people feel good about themselves by letting them know how fucked i am i'd like to make an actual update.
Why did they put How is the list of 6 primary questions? Where's the alliteration?
fuck that. Anyways, if anybody feels like i do when i'm stoned it's something along the lines of "how can all this possibly exist? Is this shit really happening? Where the fuck did i just come from?" I have to admit, ever since vacation ended this new reality has been a bit overwhelming. I've been staring into space a lot recently and i've been trying to come to terms with the fact that we're all involved in this terminal chaos and we all play it off like we aren't. A change in scenery and lifestyle will do that to you. I mean, it'd make more sense to think about how i'm going to get laid next or how cory is going to do at bootcamp, but i can't help but think that that doesn't matter until i find some kind of guideline to judge what really does matter by.
It's that tsunami too. It kills off 100,000 people like THAT and it hardly affected anyone and it makes me think i'm in some kind of story but i'm not a part of it and so it doesn't really matter how many people have been killed because i can't do anything so fuck it. i don't even care that they died to be honest.
think about it. Fuck it! so what? i don't know those people. it's as if those 100,000 people died 100,000 years ago and it's just another number in a history text book. "Oh" is all i really have to say about it. BUT ISN'T THAT WRONG? it's not guilt. it's a yearning to know what really fucking matters in this world. maybe life doesn't matter. maybe life matters only based upon how much it affected other lives; mainly your own. Which leads me to believe that a connection is the only thing that is missing here, hence my "fuck it" outlook.
So no. it doesn't matter. i don't know these people and therefore they don't matter because i'm in no way connected to them. but then here comes the guilt! because i think that's how the rich get rid of their guilt when they fuck over the poor. Morals. What the hell is a moral? Tribes sacrifice people to their gods and they think that is moral. who the fuck is to tell them they are wrong?
what's in a moral? A meaning? My guess is a connection. If you feel connected with someone in some way through some type of interaction you should treat them well because life is a serious of unfortunate events. nobody really needs more pointless shit in their lives just due to you unless it has a purpose. Like an intervention. So suck up your aggressive belligerance, take one for the team, take the vibrator out of your ass and play nice! GOOD DEEDS! DONE GOOD CHEAP! i don't know--i'm just throwing around ideas. Disconnection is what everybody experiences. fucking deal with it. i guess.
What makes people feel connected anyways? Similar thoughts maybe. Who fucking knows? When you look at a painting you don't truly feel connected to the painter unless you're looking at the original piece of art in some kind of museum. That's kind of like little kids. People feel closer to "God" around youth. I think it's just an excess of energy though. It gets misinterpretted as "life". But that kid can get hit by a mac truck and therefore that kid has no more life than you. But at the time--prior to that 18 wheeler freak accident--the possibilities seem endless and so you feel connected to some kind of hope. Or God, which apparently drives this hope. What the hell am i trying to say?
EXPERIENCE! That's how you develop the connection between morals and human connections. You don't really know until you experience. You're born with this slight observation of what this world is and you take it from there. People tell you shit. You see shit. You imagine shit. You remember shit. You predict shit. It all gets jumbled into some kind of subjective consciousness and before you know it you're alive. But experience is the only downright truthful thing. Intuition from experience. THAT BLIND DEAF AND DUMB KID SURE PLAYS A MEAN PINBALL. So you create this kind of being that radiates from this hump of blood and flesh and bones and people interpret this as you, and thus you exist in the eyes of society. And you can look around and make your observations because you are now a statue in existence. Nobody can ever take that away from you. YOU EXIST as yourself; this being that you've conjured out of the depths of your own imagination.
it gets tricky though. Then you make friends. Then your consciousness gets jumbled. You're not just you anymore, you're a combination of you and those people that experience besides you. The eye that you see out of has just doubled or quadrupled or whatever depending on how much of a loser you aren't. You're now existent as part of something and you don't see yourself anymore, you see the whole of what you help make up. So this is an entirely new encouraging experience--possibly the only incredible experience there really is to see in life.
AND THEN THAT BOND BREAKS. You move or something. you leave all your friends. You're consciousness is back to how it was to start out with. memories fly back of childhood and times you've felt alone. You have to develop new bonds if you want to have that novel thrill again. And life sucks again and you realize that that thrill was kind of pointless to begin with and you start to wonder what really matters in life. is it morals? who knows.
Why did they put How is the list of 6 primary questions? Where's the alliteration?
fuck that. Anyways, if anybody feels like i do when i'm stoned it's something along the lines of "how can all this possibly exist? Is this shit really happening? Where the fuck did i just come from?" I have to admit, ever since vacation ended this new reality has been a bit overwhelming. I've been staring into space a lot recently and i've been trying to come to terms with the fact that we're all involved in this terminal chaos and we all play it off like we aren't. A change in scenery and lifestyle will do that to you. I mean, it'd make more sense to think about how i'm going to get laid next or how cory is going to do at bootcamp, but i can't help but think that that doesn't matter until i find some kind of guideline to judge what really does matter by.
It's that tsunami too. It kills off 100,000 people like THAT and it hardly affected anyone and it makes me think i'm in some kind of story but i'm not a part of it and so it doesn't really matter how many people have been killed because i can't do anything so fuck it. i don't even care that they died to be honest.
think about it. Fuck it! so what? i don't know those people. it's as if those 100,000 people died 100,000 years ago and it's just another number in a history text book. "Oh" is all i really have to say about it. BUT ISN'T THAT WRONG? it's not guilt. it's a yearning to know what really fucking matters in this world. maybe life doesn't matter. maybe life matters only based upon how much it affected other lives; mainly your own. Which leads me to believe that a connection is the only thing that is missing here, hence my "fuck it" outlook.
So no. it doesn't matter. i don't know these people and therefore they don't matter because i'm in no way connected to them. but then here comes the guilt! because i think that's how the rich get rid of their guilt when they fuck over the poor. Morals. What the hell is a moral? Tribes sacrifice people to their gods and they think that is moral. who the fuck is to tell them they are wrong?
what's in a moral? A meaning? My guess is a connection. If you feel connected with someone in some way through some type of interaction you should treat them well because life is a serious of unfortunate events. nobody really needs more pointless shit in their lives just due to you unless it has a purpose. Like an intervention. So suck up your aggressive belligerance, take one for the team, take the vibrator out of your ass and play nice! GOOD DEEDS! DONE GOOD CHEAP! i don't know--i'm just throwing around ideas. Disconnection is what everybody experiences. fucking deal with it. i guess.
What makes people feel connected anyways? Similar thoughts maybe. Who fucking knows? When you look at a painting you don't truly feel connected to the painter unless you're looking at the original piece of art in some kind of museum. That's kind of like little kids. People feel closer to "God" around youth. I think it's just an excess of energy though. It gets misinterpretted as "life". But that kid can get hit by a mac truck and therefore that kid has no more life than you. But at the time--prior to that 18 wheeler freak accident--the possibilities seem endless and so you feel connected to some kind of hope. Or God, which apparently drives this hope. What the hell am i trying to say?
EXPERIENCE! That's how you develop the connection between morals and human connections. You don't really know until you experience. You're born with this slight observation of what this world is and you take it from there. People tell you shit. You see shit. You imagine shit. You remember shit. You predict shit. It all gets jumbled into some kind of subjective consciousness and before you know it you're alive. But experience is the only downright truthful thing. Intuition from experience. THAT BLIND DEAF AND DUMB KID SURE PLAYS A MEAN PINBALL. So you create this kind of being that radiates from this hump of blood and flesh and bones and people interpret this as you, and thus you exist in the eyes of society. And you can look around and make your observations because you are now a statue in existence. Nobody can ever take that away from you. YOU EXIST as yourself; this being that you've conjured out of the depths of your own imagination.
it gets tricky though. Then you make friends. Then your consciousness gets jumbled. You're not just you anymore, you're a combination of you and those people that experience besides you. The eye that you see out of has just doubled or quadrupled or whatever depending on how much of a loser you aren't. You're now existent as part of something and you don't see yourself anymore, you see the whole of what you help make up. So this is an entirely new encouraging experience--possibly the only incredible experience there really is to see in life.
AND THEN THAT BOND BREAKS. You move or something. you leave all your friends. You're consciousness is back to how it was to start out with. memories fly back of childhood and times you've felt alone. You have to develop new bonds if you want to have that novel thrill again. And life sucks again and you realize that that thrill was kind of pointless to begin with and you start to wonder what really matters in life. is it morals? who knows.