SECRET GARDEN
Sometimes I just feel so small and left out and unimportant and insignificant and not special. And sometimes I feel that the way that human beings operate and relate to each other is just too complex and confusing to even bother.
And sometimes there just aren't words to describe what I need to express. There aren't my own words anyway. I started so many times trying to explain what I'm thinking right now in my own words, but I just can't. It gets so complicated and confusing. Humans are just confusing. The way that your relationship with each one is an animal in and of itself, unique from your relationship with another. And that animal is not always what you wanted it to be.
And sometimes, although it's a crazy crazy thought, I just think that maybe I should just not try to have friends at all. Because it's something you have to try at, that takes effort. And I am just so socially weird sometimes. I don't even know. Let's just have a poem, as my ballet teacher would say. Well, she says fun things like "let's have a barre stretch". Anyway, this is perhaps my favorite poem of all time. It's actually a song, and as such it's one of my favorite songs of all time. But as a poem especially, it is so wonderful and just captures everything I cannot.
SECRET GARDEN
In my secret garden
I'm looking for the perfect flower
Waiting for my finest hour
In my secret garden
I still believe after all
I still believe, and I fall
You plant the seed and I'll watch it grow
I wonder when I'll start to show
I wonder if I'll ever know
Where my place is
Where my face is
I know it's in here somewhere
I just wish I knew the color of my hair
I know the answer's hiding somewhere
In my secret garden, there's
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn
If I wait for the rain to kiss me and undress me
Will I look like a fool, wet and a mess?
Will I still be thirsty?
Will I pass the test?
And if I look for the rainbow, will I see it?
Or will it pass right by?
'Cause I'm not supposed to see
'Cause the blind are never free
Even in my secret garden
There's a chance that I could harden
That's why I'll keep on looking, for
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn
I still believe
I still believe
'Cause after all is said and done
I'm still alive
And the boots have come and trampled on me
And I'm still alive
'Cause the sun has kissed me
And caressed me
And I am strong
And there's a chance
That I will grow
This I know
So I'm still looking for
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
It's in my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn
Somewhere in fountain blue
Lies my secret garden
~~Madonna
And sometimes there just aren't words to describe what I need to express. There aren't my own words anyway. I started so many times trying to explain what I'm thinking right now in my own words, but I just can't. It gets so complicated and confusing. Humans are just confusing. The way that your relationship with each one is an animal in and of itself, unique from your relationship with another. And that animal is not always what you wanted it to be.
And sometimes, although it's a crazy crazy thought, I just think that maybe I should just not try to have friends at all. Because it's something you have to try at, that takes effort. And I am just so socially weird sometimes. I don't even know. Let's just have a poem, as my ballet teacher would say. Well, she says fun things like "let's have a barre stretch". Anyway, this is perhaps my favorite poem of all time. It's actually a song, and as such it's one of my favorite songs of all time. But as a poem especially, it is so wonderful and just captures everything I cannot.
SECRET GARDEN
In my secret garden
I'm looking for the perfect flower
Waiting for my finest hour
In my secret garden
I still believe after all
I still believe, and I fall
You plant the seed and I'll watch it grow
I wonder when I'll start to show
I wonder if I'll ever know
Where my place is
Where my face is
I know it's in here somewhere
I just wish I knew the color of my hair
I know the answer's hiding somewhere
In my secret garden, there's
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn
If I wait for the rain to kiss me and undress me
Will I look like a fool, wet and a mess?
Will I still be thirsty?
Will I pass the test?
And if I look for the rainbow, will I see it?
Or will it pass right by?
'Cause I'm not supposed to see
'Cause the blind are never free
Even in my secret garden
There's a chance that I could harden
That's why I'll keep on looking, for
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn
I still believe
I still believe
'Cause after all is said and done
I'm still alive
And the boots have come and trampled on me
And I'm still alive
'Cause the sun has kissed me
And caressed me
And I am strong
And there's a chance
That I will grow
This I know
So I'm still looking for
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
It's in my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn
Somewhere in fountain blue
Lies my secret garden
~~Madonna