(no subject)
I want to perform all the time.
As much as I wanted and needed even just one day off from obligations, today I was totally bored and just sat around getting nothing done, except for eating. I realized that what I really wanted to be doing was singing. Dancing. Performing. Not necessarily in my current show because I'm already kinda bored with that (hahaha), but like, I want to be on a stage pouring myself into a juicy song, an expressive dance, something. That's all I really want I guess.
I take that back. While I lay on the grass in Central Park watching the fireworks I decided that I also really wish I just had someone to cuddle up next to and enjoy the spectacle with. There's something about watching fireworks that is more than just watching things blow up in the sky...for me anyway, it makes me feel so childlike. Just loosing myself in the big bright colorfulness of it all. And the fact that I've watched them every year of my life, it takes me back to the times I watched them as a child, and I feel that magical feeling again. And there's something about events like this that you do every year that sort of draw the timeline of your life, you know...makes you realize that it's been a year since you've done it, and it seems like yesterday and a thousand years ago. Starts you thinking about all that's changed in your life and yourself in that year, makes you think about what you hope it will be like next year. My ideal 4th next year would be lying on the grass with someone warm and cuddly. If not that then at least I want to bring my own walkman next year so the fireworks can be set to Madonna or Funny Girl or something. I do love that Josh Groban song "You Raise Me Up", and I admit to loving "God Bless the U.S.A." and "God Bless America" as cliche as it is. But my own music would be fun too. So ya, next year I want either my own headset or my own life-size pillow...preferably both. ;)
And ya, I decided what the compulsive need for performing is, where my love for musicals comes from...and strangely enough it was an episode of MTV's undressed where they put it most eloquently. Basically, there are emotions inside of me that are so big that the only thing that comes close to capturing them is a big grand musical. The only way I can hope to channel and express it all is through the beauty of songs and the beauty of dance. I let the energy come out of my throat and out through my limbs in the structure of a piece of music crafted by a genius, and somehow I'm closer to heaven. Closer to saying what I want to say. Closer to making sense of it all. Closer to that elusive thing that I can never be close enough to, that I am always seeking, always following, that I don't even know what it is...
As much as I wanted and needed even just one day off from obligations, today I was totally bored and just sat around getting nothing done, except for eating. I realized that what I really wanted to be doing was singing. Dancing. Performing. Not necessarily in my current show because I'm already kinda bored with that (hahaha), but like, I want to be on a stage pouring myself into a juicy song, an expressive dance, something. That's all I really want I guess.
I take that back. While I lay on the grass in Central Park watching the fireworks I decided that I also really wish I just had someone to cuddle up next to and enjoy the spectacle with. There's something about watching fireworks that is more than just watching things blow up in the sky...for me anyway, it makes me feel so childlike. Just loosing myself in the big bright colorfulness of it all. And the fact that I've watched them every year of my life, it takes me back to the times I watched them as a child, and I feel that magical feeling again. And there's something about events like this that you do every year that sort of draw the timeline of your life, you know...makes you realize that it's been a year since you've done it, and it seems like yesterday and a thousand years ago. Starts you thinking about all that's changed in your life and yourself in that year, makes you think about what you hope it will be like next year. My ideal 4th next year would be lying on the grass with someone warm and cuddly. If not that then at least I want to bring my own walkman next year so the fireworks can be set to Madonna or Funny Girl or something. I do love that Josh Groban song "You Raise Me Up", and I admit to loving "God Bless the U.S.A." and "God Bless America" as cliche as it is. But my own music would be fun too. So ya, next year I want either my own headset or my own life-size pillow...preferably both. ;)
And ya, I decided what the compulsive need for performing is, where my love for musicals comes from...and strangely enough it was an episode of MTV's undressed where they put it most eloquently. Basically, there are emotions inside of me that are so big that the only thing that comes close to capturing them is a big grand musical. The only way I can hope to channel and express it all is through the beauty of songs and the beauty of dance. I let the energy come out of my throat and out through my limbs in the structure of a piece of music crafted by a genius, and somehow I'm closer to heaven. Closer to saying what I want to say. Closer to making sense of it all. Closer to that elusive thing that I can never be close enough to, that I am always seeking, always following, that I don't even know what it is...