loose end
my brother left for college at Grinnell this morning. we were up late last night talking and smoking. when I woke up at 10am, I realized that I missed him intensely. I still do. Benji died too- we put him to sleep earlier this week. he had a brain tumor or something bad. he was blind, walking into doors, totally bewildered as to where he was, he was just, it was the kind thing to do. but it was still hard to say goodbye. I really miss Colin. he's never been away from home for any real period of time before. he's always been a constant around here and everyone in the family has in some way or another looked up to him. my dad also quit his job in Nashville and took one in St. Louis, so he'll be commuting, and my mother starts school in Washington, DC, soon so she'll be commuting too. that just leaves me and Claire. Virginia's gone, and I miss her a lot. it's hard, always finding new friends. I get tired of it. Hume Fogg --> The Outdoor Academy --> Hume Fogg --> Hendrix --> treatment --> Virginia --> AA... Ellie's gone and Anne hasn't written. all my constants are going or gone. I'm all alone here at the house this weekend and I'm not working either. I'm not going back to Hendrix either, because it just doesn't seem like something my sponsor is comfortable with, and I trust him. so, all that.