[Itachi/Sasuke] Senpai's Delicious Nutrients
Who: Itachi/Sasuke
When: Tonight
What: Itachi and Sasuke have their brotherly bonding session post this
Where: The Uchiha Residence
Status: Ongoing.
Notes:
Friday take your time with this, I know you are totally busy etc (lolsishouldspeakformyselftoo.havingeexamsinamonth)but really, I just wanted to write with you alright <3. And.. the log is ( Read more... )
When: Tonight
What: Itachi and Sasuke have their brotherly bonding session post this
Where: The Uchiha Residence
Status: Ongoing.
Notes:
Friday take your time with this, I know you are totally busy etc (lolsishouldspeakformyselftoo.havingeexamsinamonth)but really, I just wanted to write with you alright <3. And.. the log is ( Read more... )
Sasuke could never make a quiet entrance.
Even with the bubbling of the boiling water, Itachi could still clearly hear the sound of Sasuke’s Eclipse braking and his subsequent noisy ascend up the wooden stairs. As Itachi fished out the udon from the pot and placed them into the bowls, he found himself listening to the rhythm of his brother’s footsteps to discern his mood. The steps were slower than usual, and Sasuke abandoned his usual habit in skipping steps. It seemed as though his brother had intentionally made his steps heavier as though trying to announce his entrance - well, Sasuke was noisy enough without all that effort, Itachi added in his head. But there was something genuinely heavy about those steps as though his brother was troubled over something. Itachi let his mind run through the various possibilities. Sasuke’s midterms just ended this afternoon, if anything, he should be happy rather than that. Minato on the other hand was, to Itachi’s slight chargin, a good father as a whole.
Something else was on Sasuke’s mind.
And for some strange reason, Itachi didn’t like the feeling of not knowing what it was.
He placed the vegetables on into the noodles before turning his attention to the naruto (which he was pleasantly surprised to find in the States). As he began slicing, he began to feel acutely the sourness that he wasn’t supposed to feel. Was it… jealousy? He wouldn’t be jealous about Sasuke…would he?It vexed him to realize that for the first time in his life, he didn’t know what exactly he was feeling and what he was supposed to do.
It was then his head registered a prickly pain from his fingers which brought his thoughts back to reality. Apparently, he cut himself while slicing naruto for his brother.
Bang. Bang.
Didn’t he have keys? Itachi thought to himself as he inhaled the aroma of noddles one last time before heading towards door with his thumb applying the pressure to the cut. He silently hoped that the cut was just a scrape and nothing else.
Bang. Bang.
Boy, he was impatient was the last comment he made in his mind before opening the door to reveal the figure of his little brother.
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He was going to add another extra set of knocks to the slightly-beated wooden door, until it swung open, revealing a familiar sight. The smells from the kitchen sharpened in his senses, but the distracted expression on his brother's face caught his attention the most. Especially the way Itachi held his hand, and the noticed line of blood between two fingers.
Itachi must've cut himself in the attempt at dinner. Either he was truly careless, or something was really distracting him. He also looked very tired. As if he hadn't slept in days. Perhaps it was mid-term session as well in his university, since that exhausted look was met quite equally amongst the students and teaching staff.
These were only things Sasuke could make himself notice. He was an arrogant and seemingly selfish person, but very perceptive towards selected few. Making light of the situation, Sasuke walked past his visibly exasperated brother and joked, "... So. Last time you take an adventure in the kitchen, hm?"
He walked into the main room, and noted the trademark cleanliness of the place. So he had no qualms in taking off his jacket and sloppily tossing it on the backing of an armchair. Sasuke then turned back to his brother and offered a look, garnered with some softness and sincerity in it. "Here," he said as he reached for Itachi's injured hand, and gently pulled it close. Carefully pulling aside his thumb, the cut was much clearer. Small, and blunt. As if caused by a medium kitchen knife.
A small pool of blood seeped its way out from the slit, and Sasuke firmly rubbed his thumb over it, smearing the fluid and watching red paint itself around the cut. The thumb then pressed itself against the wound, in an attempt to stop anymore bleeding.
"Be more careful. You can get an infection easily like this," he said calmly.
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Itachi bit his tongue against rebutting Sasuke’s seeming insinuations.
Sasuke was here for dinner and it wouldn’t be a good idea to annoy him within two minutes of his arrival. Though so, he couldn’t help but narrowing his eyes in slight disapproval at the way his little brother just flung that jacket across the room to the armchair. He thought he heard the armchair creak at the sudden impact. And, it didn’t help that the jacket was more of half dangling off the chair rather than resting there, immediately destroying the impeccable neatness of the living room.
Sasuke really knew how to make his own presence known.
But when the younger Uchiha looked at him with that gentleness reflected in those dark eyes, he found his own features softening as well dissolving any remnants of annoyance that he felt. What just happened to all the negative emotions? The next thing Itachi knew was that Sasuke actually took his hand and brought it close, brushed his thumb aside and replaced it with his own.
And he was just staring.
“Hm,” he replied to Sasuke halfheartedly, his mind very conscious of the warmth that was building up within his heart. He wondered briefly if it was normal to feel that way about his younger brother. He tried reasoning that it was because Sasuke had almost never bothered about showing any form of concern since he was ten that the impact was much greater. Plus, they were brothers who literally grew up together, so there was bound to be something there.
But, the reasoning didn’t feel right.
It didn’t help that at the midst of all his attempted measures to answer that growing bit of warmth and his slightly accelerated heartbeat, he had further narrowed the distance between the two of them. He titled his head slightly such at his lips were hovering at his ear lobes and his still-wet hair dangled at the side of his own face.
“Welcome home,” he whispered.
The same time those words slipped out of his mouth, he found his own logic snapped back into action. Pulling his own finger from Sasuke’s thumb, he stood up and headed to the kitchen. He needed to breathe
“Dinner’s ready,” he managed to squeeze out some words in attempt to salvage the situation, hoping that his voice sounded normal enough.
He wasn’t interested in his brother that way.
He wasn’t .
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It was something he has seen before many years ago. That look he gave him. And the way his brother's speech hugged close to his ear. He instinctually lowered his lids and leaned his cheek closer to Itachi's when he did, of course, needing to feel that ethereal soothing vibration from his eldest brother's deep voice. The same one that had the sound of the words "welcome home" trinkle warmly throughout his body.
That's what it felt like. His voice. A warm blanket that only he could be the owner of. But when he actually reciprocated Sasuke's kindness towards his wound, he immediately draws away. Acting embarrassed, really. ...Was he really that embarrassed to show any kind of humanity to his younger brother? No, no. He was curious.
"Itachi, wait." Sasuke reached for Itachi's sleeve, trying to pull him back. Whatever he was cooking (or attempting to cook by the looks of his battle scars), it could wait. The need to care for Itachi kicked in, and if his brother was insistent in resuming the preparation of dinner, then at least fix this wound first.
"Let me tend to that cut, first, if you really need to finish setting up dinner." On a joking addition to ease whatever awkwardness Itachi probably felt, he added with a flashed smile. "If you try to lift the pot with that hand and burn yourself, then you're really in trouble."
[[ooc; o rly. ACCEPTING YOUR CHALLENGE, MADAME]]
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“But..”
It was the hold on his sleeves and the way that Sasuke looked at him that dissolved the words that were forming. Itachi had two choices - to ignore the tug and the concern lacing that voice of his brother’s or to return to Sasuke’s care. He almost wanted to simply shake off the younger Uchiha, but a quick reminder to the fact that Sasuke had willingly taken his casual invitation (he had expected his brother to reject him outright actually) to have dinner with him despite having a prior engagement with his “father” made him choose the second.
To let Sasuke care for him.
That warm stirring in his heart intensified.
But no, he was just thinking too much just now. The 3 days’ worth of not sleeping was just screwing up his mind. All he needed to do was to take a deep breath, clear his mind and attribute all the thoughts to a renewed sense of brotherly love.
He turned back to his brother who immediately continued caring for that finger which really wasn’t as bad as what Sasuke had insisted it was. The bleeding had already stopped and the pain that was emanating from it was almost gone. But since the pre medical student said that it needed more care, well, he would just let them. So Itachi found himself concentrating on Sasuke instead of his own cut.
When was the last time he actually looked at his brother this closely? In a sense, nothing much had changed in his brother’s physical features besides the deepening of certain features such as the scowl, the sharp nose and the eyes. And the eye bags. It was the midterms, wasn’t it? He was told that premedical students had really horrible workloads. But instincts told him it was more than that. Something else was bothering Sasuke.
Ten years was really a long time then. There were times where Itachi thought he didn’t know his brother anymore and this was one of them. They told him that he should untangle, they said he spoilt his brother too much. They said to be a successful heir to the enterprise he needed to be ruthless and heartless and he shouldn’t have any weakness. They said he needed to give Sasuke space to grow. It was something needed to be done they said. But when he examined the one standing in front of him, he wondered, not the first time, whether whatever he had done was right. And he couldn’t deny how distant he felt from Sasuke, how he did not like that feeling at all. At the same time, the way Sasuke was paying so much attention to so small a wound… He couldn’t say that he didn’t like that feeling at all. He laughed at himself in his mind - what a mess had he got himself into.
He blinked to try to get those musings out of his mind to end up staring almost directly Sasuke’s serious look. That look that he used to carry when he was trying so hard to be as good as his brother be it in academics, sports or just anything really. It was the look that never ceased to rouse something within him to react although just a few moments before he had successful shelved some of these emotions away.
God, when was the last time he felt like that .
“It’s okay,” he found his own voice dropping to a whisper once more, “Really,”
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Sasuke matched his brother's gaze, returning it in his usual serious expression. It wasn't very often he can silence his brother so efficiently- which was really not often, considering that the older man always had some smartened comment to reprimand Sasuke with, assuring his dominance and unheeding air of superiority. If that was what Itachi thought was the most appropriate way to act towards anyone, even towards Sasuke, then it shall be. He was only schooled so well in preparation of being the family heir due to Itachi's ability to command authority and not display any kind of weakness.
It wasn't personal. Sasuke had to keep reminding himself of that every time he realised how distant he was from his own brother. He was still entitled to feel hurt by it. But it wasn't personal. Never is, isn't it.
If only Itachi knew how badly Sasuke wanted assurance of his worth. Every day. It was why Sasuke was so promiscuous, and enjoyed hurting others by his actions. He enjoyed embarrassing people, and talking or treating them as if they were nothing. A lot of the time it made him appear childish, boorish, and petty. But it wasn't like it was worth it to Sasuke to impress strangers. He did not care about them, or impressing what view they should have of him. Once Itachi made his presence known again in his life, this attitude sharpened in startling levels. He wanted to act as difficult as possible, just so he can see Itachi come out of nowhere and reprimand him cooly. As pathetic as it appeared to the raven, it made him secretly pleased to even get that much from the one person he always looked up to, or even really loved.
Which made it interesting to see Itachi so accomodating after all the ridiculous acting Sasuke has done in the last month and a half. Itachi made time for him, and only him. Not those Hyuugas, or that damned Kabuto. Sasuke. "Let me," he re-assured firmly, bringing the injured hand back into his possession.
Itachi's hand was just fine. Sasuke can see that the cut toned itself down, and all that remained was drying blood and a white line in the middle of the blush. He turned Itachi's palm face up, and ran a finger over the cut, then inched down over the hand's centre crease lines. Right now, Sasuke's eyes can only be fixated at the hand he was caressing, as if he was gingerly observing one of his photographs.
The reason he grew to adore photography so much, was that it permanently captured precious moments meant to be temporary. A well-preserved photograph can last centuries. And in a way, Itachi was yet another photograph meant to also be temporary. Just like this moment would be temporary, and its meaning soon forgotten.
He expected Itachi to run away again. And the next time it happened, Sasuke will let him. The younger brother wrapped both hands around Itachi's lone, and slowly raised it to his chin.
"Aren't you going to stop me, again," he said softly, now closing his eyes.
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No…
He thought to himself as he felt his own hand come into contact with Sasuke’s chin and feeling the warmth emanating from it. It was more than just the words, but the tone of they were spoken in made his heart stopped for a moment. What was that chill that just ran down his spine? Itachi swallowed hard in attempt to clear his mind. But he realized that he couldn’t seem to be able to think about anything else.
Why didn’t Sasuke hate him?
He spent his life trying to keep’s his brother from harm’s way to the extent of even alienating him. He brushed him away all the time so that he wouldn’t know what dark deeds the family had been up to. He knew Sasuke was looking at him for guidance but he refused to give me any because he didn’t want Sasuke to rely on him. He knew that Sasuke was always looking at his back. But he had never done anything substantative about it. Why didn’t Sasuke hate him? He could feel just slightly better about all that he had done if Sasuke just disowned him.
But he didn’t.
Sasuke didn’t hate him at all.
It was sheer contentment that he observed in Sasuke’s features, the way he guided his hand around the chin and enjoying every touch. Itachi couldn’t help but let his thumb brush the outlines of his lower lips gently, feeling the contours of it as Sasuke’s hot breath brush at it at regular intervals. Subconsciously he inched even closer such that he could literally feel Sasuke’s steady and deep breaths on his own face.
He really shouldn’t be doing that. There was something fundamentally wrong about the way Sasuke’s breath was breathing life into him. He never felt this real before in his whole life. Sasuke wasn’t supposed to have such an effect on him. Wait, why was he moving closer and closer to the younger?
Pull away, , he inner voice commanded in the midst of his loss of control of his emotions.
No. He couldn’t, with Sasuke’s face this satisfied; he couldn’t pull away like that. He couldn’t bear to see the disappointed face all over again. But something was really wrong with him. For some strange reason, he felt like his lost teenage years catch up with him. God, he felt like a love struck teenager. Do something then, his inner voice chastised. The something ended up with his vision fixated on the red, parted lips.
Somehow there was only one thing he wanted to do at that moment. And that desire outweighed all other things. Closing his eyes, he further narrowed the distance between their faces and let his own lips touch Sasuke’s.
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When the younger man felt the gentle brush of a calloused thumb over his pouted lower lip, he felt his body go immediately rigid. Closed eyes tigthened along with his furrowed brow. His breathing deepened in its paces until all Sasuke was conscious of in his darkness was the tightened up-and-down heaving motions of his chest. If he opened his eyes right now, what would he have seen? Or taken what he could see? Would it have been something he should fear, or embrace?
He wasn't sure of what was going to happen, or why Itachi decided to get this close. Sasuke felt a warmth radiate feather-like against his face, and a familiar scent swelled in his nostrils. Itachi's familiar scent. One he secretly wished he could bottle and hold in his pocket at his disposal to spritz in the air, whenever he felt despair. But this feeling that intensified in his chest was merely temporary. And at this moment, Sasuke expected nothing but the typical.
He could feel his brother's increasing defensiveness, even with his eyes closed. The raven was acting strange, wasn't he? What was expected is his older brother's insistence to let go of his hand, to hiss haughtily at Sasuke for acting inappropriately, and to re-iterate bluntly that it wasn't welcome behaviour by Itachi's second retreat into the kitchen.
It was ultimately his fault that Sasuke acted like this. His. And he wanted to be shamed for acting so uncharacteristic. The hand Sasuke held was slowly loosened, realising and expecting another upcoming rejection, and forced himself to cooperate by also loosening his emotions. They will have a quiet dinner. Probably chat about mundane things like school, work, and the like. Sasuke will make an excuse to go to bed early. He will thank Itachi for the dinner, go to his room, and stare at the ceiling till he fell asleep.
In the morning, he will wake up, skip showering, and sneak out back into the wide and uncaring world, carrying his blank facade to protect him.
Once in a rare while, Sasuke needed to release what he felt inside. Right now, he wanted to relish in this odd sense of peace that blanketed his constantly in-quarrel psyche. Just when he was preparing and ready to let go and shut down again, he felt a hot press against his lips. It felt like something that was on fire. Scorching.
And when Sasuke slowly opened his dark-brown eyes, his brain was locked shut. He faintly felt his rigid body start to lightly twitch with his silent, sharpened gasps. The hands that held close to his brothers quickly lost their interest in gripping. Itachi was still there. He didn't reject him. He didn't run away. But he was doing something else that was nowhere near expected. The burning came from him. What... what was he doing...
Sasuke didn't... understand. This was not his brother. He couldn't be doing this to him. His hands felt the defensive urge to push Itachi off. But if he did that, it would hurt his feelings. Probably would never speak to him again out of pride. Sasuke made his mouth slightly open, and clamped his lips gently onto Itachi's upper lip. He did it to test what exactly this was supposed to be to the other man. Was it a mistake? Itachi did look exhausted. Is he in his right mind? Should he stop this, or keep going? And what happens if Sasuke did keep going. Encouraging it. In his entire life, he never imagined being with his brother in this way. Did Itachi act the way he did towards Sasuke because he always wanted to do this to him?
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Itachi was probably as starved for warmth like he is.
That probability was the reason the younger man testingly caressed one of Itachi's cheeks, and started to press into and slowly mouth his lips.
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When Itachi felt Sasuke’s hands off his own and moved to his own chest, a sudden thought brushed his mind.
Was he going to push him away?
It was uncharacteristic of him to think that way - no one ever tried pushing Itachi away in the first place. But this sort of fear, something he almost never felt in his entire life, gripped him for a moment before he felt his brother hands caressing his own cheeks uncertainly as though testing out his reactions and deepened the kiss. He found his own freed hands circling his other brother’s waist, drawing their bodies even closer as he let his own tongue slip out and gave Sasuke’s lips a light swipe.
Was it because of the fear of rejection earlier that made this simple contact feel so good? He wouldn’t want to try to explain the feeling in words, because there was none to begin with. It wasn’t this high feeling like sex, but something warm, brewing and in fact comfortable that was resonating in the depths of his heart. Itachi didn’t remember any other time where the feeling went this deep. The younger Uchiha on the other hand, was slightly hesitant, slightly confused and all Itachi wanted to do at that moment to hold his brother tightly and feel more of those lips. The older Uchiha wasn’t one to kiss or let others kiss him often because he always felt that there was something intimate about kissing that could only be shared with certain people. He was letting himself indulge in everywhere when loud clanks would be heard.
With those noises, Itachi’s mind snapped back to reality. And the first thing he was confronted with was that he was kissing his own brother. His brother. His young brother. It didn’t help that this brother was at that moment also dating a Haruno Sakura who was a decent woman to say the very least. He hastily pushed Sasuke aside as that full revelation hit him and almost ran to the kitchen where the sound was coming from, suddenly thankful that he had forgotten to turn off the stove when he went to answer the door earlier on.
He switched the stove off with his thumb before bending over at the sink, slightly panting from the aftermath from all that had happened. The only line that kept repeating in his head was that he kissed his younger brother. And it wasn’t a right thing to do. On top of it, he shouldn’t have lost his control with his brother. He was the Uchiha heir, what happened to the self control that he had spent years perfecting? For a while, it seemed that someone else had overtaken him and dictated all his actions. He was possessed by… himself. That realization made him pull away the tie that was confining his ponytail and let his hair land haphazardly on his shoulders and back. He needed to think.
Then he turned on the sink, cupped his hands and splash water all over his face, letting it run from his face down to his neck and possibly wetting some strands of his hair. Some bits of the water had also spread to his white shirt, making those areas almost transparent. A few more rounds of that later, he turned off the tap but his hand did not leave the knob but instead he was grabbing the knob so tightly that one could see the veins popping.
What had he done?
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He was almost going to loosen his hold on tap and proceeded to carry out his plan when the scene, complete with the amazing sensations, from earlier on resurfaced. It didn’t help that the recollection of his own brother’s warmth, touch and gentleness was literally freezing him to the spot. He found himself licking his own lips in remembrance of that. No one had ever made him feel like that before and the feeling was unsettling to say the very least.
And he is your brother. His inner voice helpfully reminded as he was indulging in that bit of recollection.
ooc; damned. i busted the thing too.
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Sasuke just stood there dumbly, too stunned to even move.
Lowering his hands to the sides of his hips, the young man started to slowly form tight fists. He needed to leave. It didn't matter where. Dark-brown eyes turned to look at the front door. Itachi was running water hard from the tap in the kitchen, alongside more clanging of bronze pots echoing in the air. Sasuke's brow deepened, squinting his eyes hard in a futile effort to stop the feeling of rage building up inside of him. He wanted to punch his brother in the face and give him a thorough fight that far surpasses their earlier one at that Walmart. The reality of what they just did hit Sasuke's heart hard.
Itachi kissed him. His little brother. And Sasuke allowed it.
And it still hurt for some reason, even if Sasuke was secretly very relieved that it was only an error of the moment on Itachi's part. If it wasn meant to be continued, then... he would still be here. The way he was shoved aside so brusquely meant it was a mistake. Nothing more. But... was he just playing with him? Using him? Sasuke has been used by so many people throughout his life. But it actually hurt when the raven thought his older brother could use him just as cheaply. It was different (and even accepted as harsh reality) when clients used him. Certain cruel lovers. Madara. But never Itachi. This was the same brother he looked up to, and willingly wanted to please. He kissed back because he wanted... to please him. Or was that really the reason that riccocheted out of strong assurance in his thoughts? Sounds of sloshing water were soon heard, making Sasuke finally turn his eyes from the door and into that direction.
Then silence. Sasuke... suddenly felt sick.
Rushing towards the bathroom, he slammed the thin door shut and fell to his knees with a "thunk" in front of the toilet, and started retching.
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The bang of the toilet door resonated in the house and straight into Itachi’s heart.
Was that a sign of rejection? Did Sasuke realize the nature of what he did and decided to leave him? He didn’t like what the sound the door symbolized, it felt like a replay of what had happened to both of them, how his younger brother shut the door of his heart, denied the older brother access and all he could do was to remain outside and tried to discern what was going on inside.
When did he end up outside the closed toilet door? His legs must have brought him over there. Like how his heart always brought him to Sasuke, it was so instinctive, so uncontrollable with no indication how it started or how it ended up that way. From where he was, the sound of Sasuke puking into the toilet bowl was undeniably loud and that sound stabbed him in his heart. His brother wasn’t physically sick, was he? Or was it because of what he had done. Did Sasuke felt so sick about his actions that it elicited such a reaction?
Should he go in?
Itachi found his own hand fisting the ice cold metallic knob wondering whether he should even enter in the first place. His thoughts were interrupted as those sounds got even louder and Itachi felt his own heart wince at the mere sound of it.
Should he knock?
But given his brother, he would ignore the knock. Plus, if he was as horrid a state his vomiting was showing, he probably wouldn’t hear a thing or too weak to reply. Itachi knew he could leave and go to his own room, ignoring everything. But, it was his little brother. He.. just could not bring himself to do leave things alone. Not to mention… it was his fault that his brother was suffering, no? It was always his fault. He knew he could always explain things away by saying that whatever he was doing was always the best for Sasuke but, he knew Sasuke was suffering because of him.
And the kiss you gave him, his inner voice reminded him.
Oh. And that. A pang of guilt hit him and he found himself wondering whether his brother was that sick of him. He leaned against the clammed-shut door and let his back slid downwards then sitting against it, one leg propped up and letting his arm dangle over it. He let his head tilt backwards, hitting the door with a slight thud and his long hair cascading down his shoulders. Looking at the empty wall opposite him, he let out a long sigh. This was something he needed to know - no matter how painful the truth might be.
“Sasuke,” he began, realizing that enunciating every single word was suddenly so difficult, “Sasuke? Are you..Am I that sick to you?”
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Once he emptied the contents of his vegetarian bento lunch into the toilet, Sasuke spit one final time into the bowl before flushing it, and sitting back on the tile floor. He actually felt better, now that the sudden hit of queasiness subsided. The ringing in his ears from the blood rushing and pumping fast through his head slowly passed. Then, with a small chuckle that echoed in the tiny bathroom, the raven ran a hand through his short, black locks, smiling even wider.
He was acting like a goddamn girl about all this. It was just a meaningless kiss. Itachi probably had gotten far over it, and more than likely laughed at the sounds his little brother made, vomiting pathetically in the bathroom. The smile weakened. But he couldn't help it.
The reason he did not know why he felt sick like that still wavered in the air. Kissing Itachi did not disgust him as much as assumed. The way he ran off... was the trigger. Either way, he (or his body) was really overreacting. Just as he was about to stand up and wash his face, Sasuke paused abruptly at a familiar voice saying his name from the other side of the door. The way his name was said made the younger man stare down at the bottom of the white door in mild surprise. What made his heart sink was what Itachi asked him soon after. If Sasuke thought he was "sick."
Opening his mouth to automatically respond back, it was quickly clamped shut. Of course I don't think you're sick.
He pursed his lips tightly, thinking whether or not he should answer. Honestly, Sasuke expected Itachi to ignore him and hide until he decided to leave. But this concern he displayed was... something that he knew had to be confronted and handled delicately.
"I-... hold on a second." First thing, he quickly ran the sink water, and watched himself rapidly wipe off his mouth in the mirror. Cupping his hand under the stream, he shoved the water in his mouth and sloshed it to get rid of that bitter aftertaste. After he was done with his quick wash-off, a deep-purple towel on the rack was pulled off to dry his face.
Throwing the same towel into the tub was simply to annoy Itachi for later.
When the door creaked open, Sasuke saw Itachi sitting on the ground, looking completely at a loss. His brother actually looked that visibly troubled, and Sasuke was the cause of it. Sighing deeply, he lowered his hand to lightly smooth itself on top of Itachi's head, gently dragging his fingertips through that long, black hair.
For some reason, seeing his brother's long hair undone like that reminded Sasuke of the brief time during his late teens, where his own hair was that long. His hand went downwards, and tucked it under the nape of his brother's neck. Sasuke allowed it to bunch Itachi's hair in his palm, and watched it flow through his pale fingers. "I don't think... you are sick, Itachi. I could never think that. Ever."
Pausing to think carefully on his words, Sasuke also added, "It was the way you left that made me do that. Not because of... what we did. Which was something that I really didn't mind. Because you seemed... happy. And I was still glad I could make you feel like that. Am I wrong?"
Please say that I'm not, he thought sardonically, while bringing both hands this time to place on top of Itachi's head.
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Itachi found an odd sense of peace overcome him as Sasuke’s fingers came into contact with his hair He observed how those black strands of his hair filtered through his younger brother’s fingers. Sasuke inherited the pale fingers as well and the black of his hair contrasted almost too beautifully against the paleness. Black and white. Were they like black and white as well? He found himself wondering. Despite the seeming reassurance given by his brother’s actions, he found the silence still relatively suffocating. What if it was the calm before the storm? And it didn’t help that Itachi vaguely remembered doing that to Sasuke when he was younger before breaking certain earth shattering news.
When Sasuke told him that he didn’t despise him for all that he had done, he found himself just staring speechlessly at Sasuke and trying to discern through those furrowed brows of his what his little brother was going to say next. If Sasuke ever known what effect he had on his older brother.
Itachi felt his own hands reaching upwards to take Sasuke’s from his own head with a gentle grip and used it as a leverage to pull his younger brother closer to him as he finished his second line. He tightened the grip a little and with a slight downward tugging motion tried to signal Sasuke to sit down beside me.
As he did so, his mind spiralled to try to think of something to say in return to Sasuke’s words. Sasuke wanted to make him happy. Sasuke was glad that he could make him happy. And there he was thinking how his brother should hate him,that maybe, just maybe the years of distance had finally broken their bond.. And no, Sasuke didn’t just make him happy. His mere presence made him feel things - guilt, sadness, anxiety.. as well.
“You don’t make me happy,” Itachi began, and then pausing to find the best way to put the point across, “you make me feel alive,”
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All he could find himself do is stare in silent awe, and watch rare words come out of a foreign mouth. He couldn't accurately respond swift to these words. At all. If he felt like this all this time, then why did he act like Sasuke was such a goddamn burden. When you feel alive with someone around, you cherish their presence. Being alive meant you had to have a purpose. Some sort of drive to keep your will going. Itachi's purpose was the family business, and his obligations. Not his own brother.
He couldn't buy this. Sasuke's brow deepened while he still eyed his brother's face. The bastard was playing a game with him. It had to be this.
Punching that same face became the only urge that started to seep through, than the sympathy he was supposed to feel.
No. Not really sympathy. Empathy. He was supposed to care about all the years his older brother made him feel like nothing. Years that forced Sasuke to grow and understand the ways of people on his own. And most definitely years he grew to no longer care, especially to what he thought was rejection from Itachi. So just because of an error, a fleeting moment of passion, Sasuke was supposed to forget everything he put himself through, and all because this bastard grew a heart?
Not this time.
He felt sudden disappointment for falling into this so easily. Was he that desperate for affection? He should have not come over here. Itachi was just...
A paled fist pulled upwards and grabbed the eldest brother's shirt, forcing their faces to meet close. Sasuke's brown eyes pleaded silently into Itachi's own, feeding into those angry thoughts swimming through his mind.
How could you do this to me. What did I ever do to deserve this. You son of a bitch.
And then he realised something. It all felt a little distant. The way he was feeling felt so programmed and automatic. Not so much as that. But more forced, and well-trained. But he couldn't help it. Itachi generated so much hidden rage deep inside of him, that he wanted to just hurt him. Over and over again.
When Sasuke entertained the idea of hurting Itachi in his most vulnerable moment, it suddenly didn't feel right. And it conflicted on what he really should do. He relaxed his facial features, forcing calmness to cloak his anger.
Sasuke said the sweet words of assurance, and kissed him back to let his eldest brother feel that it was okay. But he couldn't accept that... this was what he always felt. And all he could bother to do is watch Sasuke suffer alone. That wasn't real love. It wasn't.
Perhaps this was what love was. If it was what he was about to do, then it was something that had to be accepted. He has to force himself to accept it. Or there would be nothing else left that could be as real as this moment.
"... I want to see you in full bloom, then."
Sasuke loosened the grip on Itachi's shirt, and carefully tilted his head, making his lips hover feather-like over Itachi's. He paused for a second, pushing that egging abuse from the doubt that plagued his thoughts aside. He will do this. His lips kept going, pressing and rubbing them over his brothers, now not as wet and soft as he remembered from earlier. Sasuke fixed that by forcefully opening his mouth, and allowing his pink tongue to probe the man's lips open.
They made way, and Sasuke closed his eyes, intensifying the kiss, begging and pleading for a response.
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