meltdown
Had a real meltdown today, I'd say. Just freaked out about money. Ruined my day. Don't think it was particularly rational, but that's just where I am at the moment. I'm pretty much always very close to full capacity, and little things bother me way more than they should.
It's only been just over a year since my Dad died, and it's clearly still on my mind loads. There are times when I'm so angry at him, and times when I just can't make sense of any of it - who the hell was he? What does it mean to be dead?
From Wikipedia page of Slaughterhouse Five:
The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present, and future, always have existed, always will exist. ... When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in that particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is "So it goes."
Once you see it like that, it's kind of hard to see it any other way, no? Either that or it's just a convenient, easier alternative to deal with. I doubt I'd see it that way if my kids died.
Weird but good thing to remember - I'm writing a very cool third book for my kids. First one was really cool, second one a bit less cool, but I think the third one is going to be my best yet.
But yeah I can't cope with any little thing, not ideal. I probably need therapy but have been fucking put off doing it cos of money. Is that crazy?
It's only been just over a year since my Dad died, and it's clearly still on my mind loads. There are times when I'm so angry at him, and times when I just can't make sense of any of it - who the hell was he? What does it mean to be dead?
From Wikipedia page of Slaughterhouse Five:
The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present, and future, always have existed, always will exist. ... When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in that particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is "So it goes."
Once you see it like that, it's kind of hard to see it any other way, no? Either that or it's just a convenient, easier alternative to deal with. I doubt I'd see it that way if my kids died.
Weird but good thing to remember - I'm writing a very cool third book for my kids. First one was really cool, second one a bit less cool, but I think the third one is going to be my best yet.
But yeah I can't cope with any little thing, not ideal. I probably need therapy but have been fucking put off doing it cos of money. Is that crazy?