but tonight I'm gonna cry
it's official I have fallen apart. I just can't accept that I have to do this by myself. I hate him so much for making me go through this by myself. I hate him for making me make this huge decision by myself. I hate him for making me feel like this is all my fault. He's making me feel like it's my fault that I'm pregnant, it's my fault that he won't talk to me, that EVERYTHING is my fault. I hate him for not being here with me during all of this. But I also hate myself for letting myself fall apart. I'm so scared right now. I don't know what to do or how to deal with any of this. Then there's that feeling of guilt that has settled in my stomach. Then theres that feeling of incredible pain that I'm doing this alone. But then to top it off is that huge weight of the decisions that I NEED to make again by myself. For months I have beein saying "I don't want him in my baby's life", "I don't want him in my life", "He's a jerk and I want nothing to do with him". But thats not true. I've been lying to myself and everyone else. Deep down I kept hoping that he would come around and take responsiblitly. Thas not gonna happen. Why didn't I listen to people when they told me he was no good? Why did I go back to him? Why the hell did I have to fall in love with him? But most of all why do I keep letting him hurt me?
I just wish I could stop crying.
I just wish I could stop crying.