sex, guilt, pushing oneself, getting along
My inner diablo, who never wants to do anything fun anyway, wants to shut herself in my room-cavern, watch shitty movies on YouTube and eat. I'm sick of indulging her. I did dishes and am going to help Poncho paint/ shoot the shit, and then make chili alone in the world's darkest kitchen when he goes to Boyfriendlandía.
Brilliant idea to go to the café (Ro's out of town. I felt reborn...for a few hours) from which I've been banned while testy. Last night I took Jazné (refugee roomie) and Simone, and they annoyed me, so I picked fights, accidentally influenced S's eating of a nonvegan tamal, and yelled at S.
Although this higher power thing is tough for me, I'm going to keep going to N/A. Good stories, nice people, convivencia is what I need. I also need to talk about my problems, and feel bad burdening those closest to me. The Serenity Prayer is a good one.
Soo, if you were on a slightly clinical but more than amable and passionate mission to have The Best Sex Ever, what would that entail?
Proposed The Best Sex (Yet aka Ever) idea. C cracked up and wholeheartedly agreed, unsurprisingly. He says it'd be positive to undertake such a positive undertaking (insert over- prefix sex joke). I keep thinking about facilitating, units and sessions and the whole bit. Not sure how this is going to work (assumingly thorough lots of talking? and lots of sex?), or if it's going to be a good idea. I warned C that I've started to think about his problems (Care the fixer), and he says that I need to let myself feel, think and work on myself. Certainly his validation is not needed. I do know.
Oh, and I saw M on my morning commute. Did he see me but not wave? Oh, well, a vision= a sign, I decided, and mentally wrote out the text that my pansy ass would've sent, had I not left my phone at home. Clearly that, however, was not a sign so I went ahead and sent it upon returning home.
What's that, you say? A self-flagellating search for rejection?
Too wimpy to seek out your punishment from the appropriate party? Martyr on the cheap?
Several turds, about a week away from impact, aimed at the ventilator?
Brilliant idea to go to the café (Ro's out of town. I felt reborn...for a few hours) from which I've been banned while testy. Last night I took Jazné (refugee roomie) and Simone, and they annoyed me, so I picked fights, accidentally influenced S's eating of a nonvegan tamal, and yelled at S.
Although this higher power thing is tough for me, I'm going to keep going to N/A. Good stories, nice people, convivencia is what I need. I also need to talk about my problems, and feel bad burdening those closest to me. The Serenity Prayer is a good one.
Soo, if you were on a slightly clinical but more than amable and passionate mission to have The Best Sex Ever, what would that entail?
Proposed The Best Sex (Yet aka Ever) idea. C cracked up and wholeheartedly agreed, unsurprisingly. He says it'd be positive to undertake such a positive undertaking (insert over- prefix sex joke). I keep thinking about facilitating, units and sessions and the whole bit. Not sure how this is going to work (assumingly thorough lots of talking? and lots of sex?), or if it's going to be a good idea. I warned C that I've started to think about his problems (Care the fixer), and he says that I need to let myself feel, think and work on myself. Certainly his validation is not needed. I do know.
Oh, and I saw M on my morning commute. Did he see me but not wave? Oh, well, a vision= a sign, I decided, and mentally wrote out the text that my pansy ass would've sent, had I not left my phone at home. Clearly that, however, was not a sign so I went ahead and sent it upon returning home.
What's that, you say? A self-flagellating search for rejection?
Too wimpy to seek out your punishment from the appropriate party? Martyr on the cheap?
Several turds, about a week away from impact, aimed at the ventilator?