my daily life write the eulogy engraved on tombstone diaries laid to rest with the passing of time.
fucking
depressed
stresses
tired
sick and tired
just fucking sick of everything
cant sleep. my eyes are heavy but my mind is awake. my heavy head lies on the pillow but my mind is nowhere within me.
everything i eat gets twisted into something sickening as soon as it hits my stomach.
nothing good goes in my body.
only blood and tears come out.
diary of a first day?
woke up. wasnt really sleeping anyway.
showered.
prayed to goddess.
did my hair. within minutes my hair was stuck to my forehead. now i remember why i hate having bangs.
did my makeup. paused for a second, looked at my tired eyes, no shine, just looking at them made me think goddess let this day end song. tired, heavy eyes tried to hold up all the makeup. tried to look pretty. was disgusted and wiped it all off.
dragged myself through the day. didnt see him at all in the halls. didnt see any familar faces, really. not in class or anywhere.
the only thing keeping me moving was the end of the day so i could spend the afternoon with him.
but tommorow i dont have that to look foward to. i have a full day and nothing to keep my head up with.
we did spend the afternoon together. went to subway with amber, sat behind a little stream i like. feed fishes. walked part of the way to my house, and had ashley drive us the other part. just too lazy, too tired. i moved like i was tied down with lead.
cried in my loves arms.
felt good to have someone say "it's ok, let it all out." someone to hold me.
but i didnt let it all out.
i choked most of it down.
i dont know why. i just didnt know how long i could go on. how many things i could cry about.
cant wait till friday, till the weekend. something to get me through tommorow perhaps.
i have first lunch. does anyone else?
depressed
stresses
tired
sick and tired
just fucking sick of everything
cant sleep. my eyes are heavy but my mind is awake. my heavy head lies on the pillow but my mind is nowhere within me.
everything i eat gets twisted into something sickening as soon as it hits my stomach.
nothing good goes in my body.
only blood and tears come out.
diary of a first day?
woke up. wasnt really sleeping anyway.
showered.
prayed to goddess.
did my hair. within minutes my hair was stuck to my forehead. now i remember why i hate having bangs.
did my makeup. paused for a second, looked at my tired eyes, no shine, just looking at them made me think goddess let this day end song. tired, heavy eyes tried to hold up all the makeup. tried to look pretty. was disgusted and wiped it all off.
dragged myself through the day. didnt see him at all in the halls. didnt see any familar faces, really. not in class or anywhere.
the only thing keeping me moving was the end of the day so i could spend the afternoon with him.
but tommorow i dont have that to look foward to. i have a full day and nothing to keep my head up with.
we did spend the afternoon together. went to subway with amber, sat behind a little stream i like. feed fishes. walked part of the way to my house, and had ashley drive us the other part. just too lazy, too tired. i moved like i was tied down with lead.
cried in my loves arms.
felt good to have someone say "it's ok, let it all out." someone to hold me.
but i didnt let it all out.
i choked most of it down.
i dont know why. i just didnt know how long i could go on. how many things i could cry about.
cant wait till friday, till the weekend. something to get me through tommorow perhaps.
i have first lunch. does anyone else?