Don't want to sleep
Gavin is sleeping and has been for a while, but I don't want to sleep. I have been having nightmares again and am putting off the inevitable for as long as possible. Aaron and I were talking tonight and he keeps telling me we are safe here, my ex could never find us here. But there are people like him everywhere, there are people worse than him everywhere. You never know. I'm sure the parent's of murdered children thought they were safe too until it happened to them. Blah. I am sleep deprived and not making sense. I don't think Gavin will be murdered, my point is no one is safe anywhere. Ever. And having written this out, I'm not sure what I think I am going to do to change that by not sleeping. God willing, nothing horrible will ever happen to my family. But in my dreams I see ever horrible thing that could ever happen to us, to our son. And I don't want to. So I am going to go make some coffee and stay up a while longer so I don't have to dream. I used to have nightmares every night, and they had abated for the most part during the pregnancy. I wish I could bottle whatever it was that helped ease my mind during that time and take a bit each night before bed.