In the end.
Life is such a complicated mass of emotions. I feel as though if I could just sort everything out my world would turn out ok, but every time I come to a knot I find that it's much more complex than it first seemed. I thought comming back to college would make everything better but for now it has just presented me with a new set of problems. I know that everything will work out one day and we will all be together and all be happy, and that's all I want. I just wish sometimes the road to that place weren't so long.
....I had a dream today and in my dream Alicia was alive and we were talking. And when I woke up I cried because I knew it would never be like that again. I dreamed about a ghost and while I did I lost reality. Now I wish I never knew what real was, then I could be a ghost too and never have to face myself.
....It rained tonight and I stood outside for a bit. I felt the cool rain as it softly fell on my hands and face. I felt it permiate my clothes and sink into my skin. I heard the soft and steady tapping as it hit the ground around me. I felt the breeze and saw the moon shine brightly through the clouds and knew that God was good. I felt alive, I felt happy, and I knew that it was real. I never want to be a ghost.
Both of these are true as true can be. I feel with all my heart these two things and yet they cannot be reconciled with each other. This is but a simple knot I think and yet I have no power with which to untangle it. How can I face the world if I can't face myself?
....I had a dream today and in my dream Alicia was alive and we were talking. And when I woke up I cried because I knew it would never be like that again. I dreamed about a ghost and while I did I lost reality. Now I wish I never knew what real was, then I could be a ghost too and never have to face myself.
....It rained tonight and I stood outside for a bit. I felt the cool rain as it softly fell on my hands and face. I felt it permiate my clothes and sink into my skin. I heard the soft and steady tapping as it hit the ground around me. I felt the breeze and saw the moon shine brightly through the clouds and knew that God was good. I felt alive, I felt happy, and I knew that it was real. I never want to be a ghost.
Both of these are true as true can be. I feel with all my heart these two things and yet they cannot be reconciled with each other. This is but a simple knot I think and yet I have no power with which to untangle it. How can I face the world if I can't face myself?