To explain more later
Hey. I was reading this post from tikva, about family. It got me all tearful, and it's taken a while to parse exactly why.
Not sure I actually know, but: I do believe in having a homespace that is "safe", and I mean a glorious sort of safe, not one that stifles a person. I want a homelife where I trust the people in my inner circle, and don't have to worry about watching my back.
I decided to write this today because, I've gone through a lot in the past 1.5 years, around trust, around openness. Heck, I had someone close to me just walk out of my life, because, I think, I really wanted to be out and open about who I am, and what I am going through... and he couldn't handle the fallout from that.
Well, lately I've been thinking about my own inner circle, and my own homelife. I live with housemates who don't know everything about me. I am realizing that I have developed several circles of affinity, concentric circles, radiating outwards from me.
It is really hard to hold those multiple circles in one's mind or heart, to know that it will likely hurt me if I share with someone who doesn't belong in my inner circle, someone who won't hold my confidence.
Anyway. I'm making this post public. I do still want that safe, that excellent homelife, and that inner circle. I will find a way to navigate through the insensitive people, the asshats, and those who are just too damaged for me to spend energy on. I aim to make a happy home, and to also let the people and situations that don't serve me...well, to let them go, cut them free.
Identifying who I'm working with really helps me in that.
Slightly meta, but: I feel blessed, overall. And, I am glad to think of making my present world more me-compatible. *grin* <3
My friends-locked posts will continue to talk about my life's journey. Having this post here reminds me that it is OK to have several circles of openness. It's OK to keep some outsiders at arm's length. *bounce*
Not sure I actually know, but: I do believe in having a homespace that is "safe", and I mean a glorious sort of safe, not one that stifles a person. I want a homelife where I trust the people in my inner circle, and don't have to worry about watching my back.
I decided to write this today because, I've gone through a lot in the past 1.5 years, around trust, around openness. Heck, I had someone close to me just walk out of my life, because, I think, I really wanted to be out and open about who I am, and what I am going through... and he couldn't handle the fallout from that.
Well, lately I've been thinking about my own inner circle, and my own homelife. I live with housemates who don't know everything about me. I am realizing that I have developed several circles of affinity, concentric circles, radiating outwards from me.
It is really hard to hold those multiple circles in one's mind or heart, to know that it will likely hurt me if I share with someone who doesn't belong in my inner circle, someone who won't hold my confidence.
Anyway. I'm making this post public. I do still want that safe, that excellent homelife, and that inner circle. I will find a way to navigate through the insensitive people, the asshats, and those who are just too damaged for me to spend energy on. I aim to make a happy home, and to also let the people and situations that don't serve me...well, to let them go, cut them free.
Identifying who I'm working with really helps me in that.
Slightly meta, but: I feel blessed, overall. And, I am glad to think of making my present world more me-compatible. *grin* <3
My friends-locked posts will continue to talk about my life's journey. Having this post here reminds me that it is OK to have several circles of openness. It's OK to keep some outsiders at arm's length. *bounce*