Cuidam Alicui et Suis Amicis

[diaphanus]

"Cuidam Alicui et Suis Amicis"
"To a Certain Someone and Her Friends"

First, let me allow Bugs to say this to you:

Click to view

Well, actually, I do not like war, but it looks like someone decided to turn on me.

Who is it? Sonia Leong:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonia_Leong

http://www.fyredrake.net/

Take a look at Sonia's latest post in her LJ:

Two

Comments

[blueskycomic]

I've been trying to find a way to write this but I'm having trouble even knowing where to start. This whole thing has spread across six threads (that I know of) and four accounts, and I came into it a bit late. It's a lot to process. :) I'm going to try to recap the timeline I've loosely put together as I attempted to follow this after the fact, and how it has come across to someone who wasn't caught up in the high emotions of the ongoing drama. I may have missed something or got some details wrong, so feel free to correct me. Also this will have to be in two posts because it’s too long. Oh, and there will be language. How there will be language...

This is about how I view this situation and I'll explain my reasons why below. I'm not looking to stir things up or offend people, but to be perfectly honest I will probably end up doing both. I'm not calling anyone specific out here (well, the commenter at least), just saying how this whole thing looks from the outside:

It's stupid.

I'm not saying there's no reason for Sonia to be offended. I'm not even really defending Ian. He's posted plenty of stuff I disagreed with and said so; I'm sure he feels the same about me. I do happen to agree the thong post was too far.

But nobody said anything about that at the time. There are, in fact, no comments to be found from that post. I personally would think that would be the time to say something. But she didn't, and that's fine. Maybe she was hoping the posts would stop on their own, maybe she didn't care at the time, or maybe it was something else.

So he posts the link to the "Young Sonia" pic. He says it reminds him of a drawing Sonia did of herself at the ages of 16 and now. I do not know if this post is what offended Sonia (I do not see how this particular one would do so) or if it was posting about her overall, with this being the final straw. But whatever the case she had enough.

One thing anyone, whether professional or just a regular shmuck like me, should have learned by now is that when you put stuff on the Internet you better have a thick skin and be prepared for all sorts of things, good or bad. If you cannot handle the fact that people are going to take your public posts about private things and then discuss them publicly, you shouldn't post it. Simple as that.

Having said that, that doesn't mean she should keep quiet if she's feeling uncomfortable. While Ian wouldn't have been obligated to stop pointing out her posts and making his own comments (this being the Internet and all), she was well within her right to request he stop. Maybe he wouldn't but a lot of people are civil and he's shown no signs he wouldn't be, so it wouldn't hurt to ask.

But that's the problem: she didn't ask. Instead she delegated it to her husband, claiming her sending an e-mail would somehow make things worse with no explanation how or why. I could only see it making the case stronger coming from the person in question.

[alexandraerin]

Sorry for the necromancy, but I've been on vacation for a week...

The thing that you're missing is that "perv" is not just regurgitation of a meme. It's an honest reaction to his conduct. On this post alone. I could show this post--with none of Sonia's posts framing it--to any number of people and get the same reaction. That, in fact, is how I came to the discussion. I was linked directly here by somebody who thought I'd find it interesting, and my reaction is that this guy is a grade A perv and a creep.

Claiming that it's anybody's fault but his because the parties injured by his perviness (Sonia and her husband) didn't ask him to stop doing it in the right way is... farcical.

He shouldn't have done it in the first place, but given that he did, his conduct at every stage since then has been reprehensible.

True, the response from Sonia and her husband and the internet has been out of proportion, but a response proportionate to the offense would violate several laws and his right to due process.