Cuidam Alicui et Suis Amicis

[diaphanus]

"Cuidam Alicui et Suis Amicis"
"To a Certain Someone and Her Friends"

First, let me allow Bugs to say this to you:

Click to view

Well, actually, I do not like war, but it looks like someone decided to turn on me.

Who is it? Sonia Leong:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonia_Leong

http://www.fyredrake.net/

Take a look at Sonia's latest post in her LJ:

Two

Comments

[dock]

Your reply to Matt was completely unjustified. Even if it wasn't her husband it wouldn't justify replying in such a manner.

Do you think your comments about thongs were respectful or in good taste?

[wyrdrune]

Looks to me as if Matt made a comment, stating his opinion. Ian then replied stating his opinion. Don't see any "unjustified" there - could I trouble you to expand on what you feel was "unjustified" about Ian's reply?

(And this is an honest question, since it may be a linguistic, cultural or social nuance that I'm missing.)

Thanks.

[kt_coope]

Cause the correct reply to "You shouldn't have so much stuff about my wife on your blog" shouldn't be a post implying the husband is wrong to feel like that, but something more like "Sorry, I didn't realise it was making people uncomfortable. I'll try not to do it any more."

Also, going 'THIS IS WAR' is a little daft. Apologise, stop posting stuff that makes her uncomfortable (justified or not, if that's how it makes her feel, that's how it makes her feel) and let this blow over. Making this bigger is just going to hurt both sides even more, especially if it's really a misunderstanding.

[wyrdrune]

I agree with your second point about letting it blow over - however it should also be noted that (unless I've misunderstood the sequence of events) the lady in question could be considered as starting "the war" with her comment "I invite others to educate this man further" - which could be seen as inflammatory, incitement to harass and indicative of a lack of willingness to let it blow over on her side too.

As to your first paragraph, I'm not sure that Ian's post implied that the husband was wrong; however I strongly suspect this one *is* more of a linguistic issue. In the UK (based on my experience) expressing sympathy in that slightly formal way is often seen as sarcastic and bordering on rude. I suspect that Ian meant it more along the lines of "I'm sorry it's making you feel that way."

Now I agree that "I'll stop doing it." would have been a good sentence to follow that with and would have been a good way to draw a line under it. Assuming, of course, that the lady's fan club would also be willing to let it go.

[kt_coope]

Yeah, it could be a linguistic thing, but it was the missing 'I'll stop doing it' that's as much to blame. Without it, it turns it from "I'm sorry for making you feel that way" into "I'm sorry that you're feeling that way, but it's nothing to do with me", if you see what I mean. By not having the apology it can come across as if Ian is saying Matt is in the wrong for feeling the way he does. Which obviously causes some offence ^_^;

The internet is such a pain for little difference in meaning. Hopefully this can be sorted out.

[dock]

Anything short of an apology is unjustified.

I think Ian is intelligent enough to understand that "I think you have too much stuff about my wife on your blog" is an objection, not merely an opinion. I hope you are too.

I appreciate that you want to defend your friend, but the simple fact is that he acted like a creep, and then acted incredibly insolently when called on it.