Discontent
im a girl. i live in orinda. and im trying to make it through high school in one piece so that i can go off to college. i work hard and put all of myself into everything that i do. but most of the time i feel like im not ever going to have done enough to be appreciated by anyone. i feel like im not good enough for the people i care about. whether its not spending enough time with friends, with family, helping out around the house enough, doing well in school/test, etc. i feel like i run myself into the ground sometimes trying to earn everyone's approval, and i just can't take it anymore. today it has just reached a new level. i volunteered at the NCS/MOC track meet at cal both all of yesterday and today, and i am sunburned and exhausted...i had a great time during it, helping out and cheering ppl on. after working all day, i get home, eat dinner, and then get ready to go out for coffee with a friend...and then im stopped. im not allowed to go out cuz i havn't done anything productive enough today. i dont get it i work all fing day and i just want to chat with a friend for an hour to catch up on things. but no, im supposed to stay home and clean, do hmwk, and study for the SAT!?!?!? WTFWTFWTF!?!?!? that like all that i can say. im just so upset right now, all i want is to spend time with someone who i know cares...but no, im supposed to go clean and do other shit. dont get me wrong i love my parents to death, but its like sometimes they go way overboard. its just like, hello, i am your daughter, i am responsible i dont need to be put on house arrest in order to get anything done. i feel like so many other ppl my age are out, enjoying themselves with all of there friends, and im here, at home. sure, its nice to be at home just relaxing, but right now i really want to be out, away from my family, which is at the moment, driving me crazy. i just can't wait until school is out, only two more fucking weeks and then we are home free!!!!!!! then i can get my life organized and just hopefully not feeling this way anymore. cuz i hate it, and one of the best feelings is feeling content with myself. im really upset right now, and im not thinking, just typing, so if i remember to ill probably delete this pathetic/first livejournal entry of mine before too many people get the chance to read it, and im srry if you just wasted your time doing so.