I've Been Lying More Lately
I'm honest with myself, but I lie so much, so often to everyone else I feel I'm becoming a hypocrite. Everyone says good morning because it is polite or their morning is indeed a good morning. I choose not to say good morning, more often than not, because my days generally are not good days. Since Hurricane Katrina, I tend just to move through each day, ever yearning for the dark of night. Even then, I choose to stay indoors. I become myself when I feel most isolated. I become myself when I feel most connected. When I am a part of a group, of which I want no part or have fragile connectivity, I choose not to be myself, but to wade through the social politicking so as to come out clean; and, as even I expect, I am not biologically able to divorce my personal self from my social relationships. Which, I suppose, begs a question, who am I if I were able to do so? Would I be my most self? I still don't have anyone I can or would consider a friend here in South Carolina. I feel disrespected and maligned among my immediate family, so much so I choose to not express myself. [It seems to have been that way for so long it just appears normal.]