Anywhere Far is Not What I Need
Confrontation appears to be in full swing: social, moral, congitive, religious, and (forever and always) personal. It's become a more comfortable state of existence because I am becoming more aware of the inherent positives confrontation can create. Not everyone mentions, much less acknowledges, that through confrontation dialouge finds its spark and thoughts no longer weigh themselves down with endless recycling of prior statements, questions, or conclusions.
In eleven days, I will have lived three times longer than I intended. My decision to not only see, but to live, my future is one that I will continue to treasure because this life continues to be a hell of an adventure. I have come to the conclusion that I have thought, and several times have almost dared to act, not only in haste but in spite of myself and the things I know to be true.
I have lived in my head for so long I had distorted the reality that lay in front of my own eyes. Now, I reached a critical point. I have joined a small minority of people who are aware. It has nothing to do with a question of what; it is a simple state of existence. It feels like what some may describe as the place beyond middle age, a place where things can continue to not make sense and yet it is acceptable because the forces behind those nonsenses are the true object of attention.
I may not be ready for what I feel is going to be a great leap forward, but I don't feel I should be. As the leap occurs, so too will my grasp of how best to manage and/or cast aside whatever I see as an obstacle, an oppurtunity, or both. For so, so long I have felt a great urge to run, defend, and define myself, and I continued to destroy what I should have cherished, what I wanted to cherish. That urge has left me: anywhere far is not what I need.
In eleven days, I will have lived three times longer than I intended. My decision to not only see, but to live, my future is one that I will continue to treasure because this life continues to be a hell of an adventure. I have come to the conclusion that I have thought, and several times have almost dared to act, not only in haste but in spite of myself and the things I know to be true.
I have lived in my head for so long I had distorted the reality that lay in front of my own eyes. Now, I reached a critical point. I have joined a small minority of people who are aware. It has nothing to do with a question of what; it is a simple state of existence. It feels like what some may describe as the place beyond middle age, a place where things can continue to not make sense and yet it is acceptable because the forces behind those nonsenses are the true object of attention.
I may not be ready for what I feel is going to be a great leap forward, but I don't feel I should be. As the leap occurs, so too will my grasp of how best to manage and/or cast aside whatever I see as an obstacle, an oppurtunity, or both. For so, so long I have felt a great urge to run, defend, and define myself, and I continued to destroy what I should have cherished, what I wanted to cherish. That urge has left me: anywhere far is not what I need.