Fic: "You Can't Sing with a Broken Heart" (Lea/Dianna - GLEE RFP)
Title: “You Can’t Sing With a Broken Heart”
Author: Flynn
Pairing: Lea/Dianna (RPF)
Fandom: Glee
Disclaimer: How can they be mine when they belong to each other?
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: Approx. 1140
Notes: A little angst does nobody any good.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Lea’s world is spinning out.
I can’t breathe. The only thing I hear is my own heartbeat. I feel the lump rapidly forming in my throat and the formation of hot tears that sting my eyes. She’s killing me and breaking me and I can’t even come close to holding it together.
I hand the sheet music to Chris and leave the rehearsal room as quickly as I can. I feel her eyes tracking me, those beautiful hazel greens clouding in anger and confusion as I walk away. She thinks I’m being a judgemental diva and I think she’s being obtuse.
On the verge of hyperventilating I seek refuge in the bathroom and can’t corral the rush of expletives upon realizing that I’m on set and the water doesn’t actually work. “Damnitfuckingsonofabitch.” I choke on the words and feel like I may be ill. I slide down the wall and try to focus on my breathing.
My heart keeps racing double-time and I can’t believe how much pain I’m in. Physical, emotional, psychic. It’s all rolled up into one big fist that’s settled in the pit of my stomach. I’m angry. At her for not realizing just how much what she’s planning to do bothers me. At myself for not being able to lock the hurt away in some untouchable place. At him for…breathing, existing, and goading her.
She’s one of the most remarkable women I know. And not just because I’m head over heels in love with her. Beautiful, intelligent, talented, kind and generous to a fault. And just insecure enough that he can influence her in ways I can’t stand.
The creak of the door opening pulls me from my angst and I glance up through teary eyes and see Cory looking very much like Finn leaning in the door frame, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He hesitates and kicks an imaginary rock. “You okay, Lea?”
I want very much to say yes, to put the pain away someplace it can’t touch me, but I when I look at him and that big dumb puppy dog look he sports, I can only shake my head in the negative.
He takes three long strides and then sits down beside me. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I hate him.” The words come out in a harsh whisper. I feel his arm settle around my shoulders and I want so desperately to surrender to the comfort he’s offering. But I know the next time the door opens it will most likely be Di. And unlike the feeling she’s got churning in my gut, I’m a little more tuned in and choose not to strike back in a juvenile manner.
Cory pulls me a little closer and I feel warm breath against my ear and can feel the smile as he stage whispers, “We all do.”
“Except Naya.”
“And Heather.”
“That’s because they share a brain. Why can’t she see what he’s doing?”
“Naya?”
“Dianna.”
“What’s he doing, Lea?”
I shrug when what I really want to do is to tell him everything. I cling to the belief that if I just talk about it, if I say the words I’ll somehow rid myself of all the negative icky-ness pervading my system. And yet, I’ve never taken the multiple opportunities to talk with my shrink.
I share what little I can without completely violating her privacy and compromising our relationship. “He’s always around. Even when he’s not there, he’s there. If he isn’t with us, he’s texting her or calling her. And I’m sick of it.”
“Do you think she’s cheating with him?”
“No.” I nearly choke on the next words I say, “But I think he likes to bring her as close to the line as he can. And I think she likes the feeling of danger that he brings out in her.”
Cory squeezes my hand and looks earnestly into my eyes. As if the power of his gaze alone can make me believe. “Lea, she’s crazy about you.”
“She resents how much time I spend at work and he’s slowly been filling the void.”
He doesn’t argue with me. I watch him and think he must be choosing his words carefully. “So what set you off today?” Or not so carefully.
It’s the part I can’t tell him. I can’t tell him that Mark has deliberately pushed at her boundaries. That he has tapped into the part of her that wants the kink. That he has talked her into doing a private photo shoot with him and two nude models. That he essentially got her to agree to photograph his threesome.
I can’t confide that she had a threesome before me. That I know her and that it’ll be on her mind leading up to the shoot. That she’s excited to do this. That she refuses to see she’s overstepping a sexual boundary I never thought we’d have to define. That she can’t see how much she’s hurting me by doing it. That the thought of making love with her right now makes me ill because I don’t know if it’s me or her past turning her on.
Instead I offer up a lame, “I don’t know. Just the way he was looking at her.”
“Just because he was breathing?” He asks me with a smile.
I nod and force a smile in return. “He’s such a mouth breather.”
“Try standing next to him during rehearsal.”
“I thought he was gonna hyperventilate during ‘Wheels’.”
He bumps my shoulder. “Want me to plant some weed in his trailer?”
I take a moment to consider the offer before turning him down. “No. Somehow it will make him more appealing to the teen squad and lonely housewives.”
“You’re probably right.”
He stands and offers me a hand off the floor. I look up at him, thankful that he’s in my corner even when he doesn’t exactly know why. I give him a quick hug.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” He sketches a wave and walks out the door just as Dianna walks in.
Her hand firmly on her hip, hair pulled back into a ponytail; she is the head-bitch in charge. I can’t stop the uncharitable thought that if she could just channel whatever it is she’s feeling at the moment, she could be a superstar in her role.
“Wanna tell me what that was all about?”
I meet her gaze and let the silence linger.
“I look up from talking to Mark and you’re storming out of rehearsal.”
I silently will her to use that big brain of hers and catch a clue. And curse my own cowardice to speak up. I’m so afraid. Afraid my jealously will drive her away.
Afraid he’s going to win.
But I’m most afraid that she knows exactly why I’m upset and she doesn’t love me enough to stop hurting me.
FIN
Author: Flynn
Pairing: Lea/Dianna (RPF)
Fandom: Glee
Disclaimer: How can they be mine when they belong to each other?
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: Approx. 1140
Notes: A little angst does nobody any good.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Lea’s world is spinning out.
I can’t breathe. The only thing I hear is my own heartbeat. I feel the lump rapidly forming in my throat and the formation of hot tears that sting my eyes. She’s killing me and breaking me and I can’t even come close to holding it together.
I hand the sheet music to Chris and leave the rehearsal room as quickly as I can. I feel her eyes tracking me, those beautiful hazel greens clouding in anger and confusion as I walk away. She thinks I’m being a judgemental diva and I think she’s being obtuse.
On the verge of hyperventilating I seek refuge in the bathroom and can’t corral the rush of expletives upon realizing that I’m on set and the water doesn’t actually work. “Damnitfuckingsonofabitch.” I choke on the words and feel like I may be ill. I slide down the wall and try to focus on my breathing.
My heart keeps racing double-time and I can’t believe how much pain I’m in. Physical, emotional, psychic. It’s all rolled up into one big fist that’s settled in the pit of my stomach. I’m angry. At her for not realizing just how much what she’s planning to do bothers me. At myself for not being able to lock the hurt away in some untouchable place. At him for…breathing, existing, and goading her.
She’s one of the most remarkable women I know. And not just because I’m head over heels in love with her. Beautiful, intelligent, talented, kind and generous to a fault. And just insecure enough that he can influence her in ways I can’t stand.
The creak of the door opening pulls me from my angst and I glance up through teary eyes and see Cory looking very much like Finn leaning in the door frame, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He hesitates and kicks an imaginary rock. “You okay, Lea?”
I want very much to say yes, to put the pain away someplace it can’t touch me, but I when I look at him and that big dumb puppy dog look he sports, I can only shake my head in the negative.
He takes three long strides and then sits down beside me. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I hate him.” The words come out in a harsh whisper. I feel his arm settle around my shoulders and I want so desperately to surrender to the comfort he’s offering. But I know the next time the door opens it will most likely be Di. And unlike the feeling she’s got churning in my gut, I’m a little more tuned in and choose not to strike back in a juvenile manner.
Cory pulls me a little closer and I feel warm breath against my ear and can feel the smile as he stage whispers, “We all do.”
“Except Naya.”
“And Heather.”
“That’s because they share a brain. Why can’t she see what he’s doing?”
“Naya?”
“Dianna.”
“What’s he doing, Lea?”
I shrug when what I really want to do is to tell him everything. I cling to the belief that if I just talk about it, if I say the words I’ll somehow rid myself of all the negative icky-ness pervading my system. And yet, I’ve never taken the multiple opportunities to talk with my shrink.
I share what little I can without completely violating her privacy and compromising our relationship. “He’s always around. Even when he’s not there, he’s there. If he isn’t with us, he’s texting her or calling her. And I’m sick of it.”
“Do you think she’s cheating with him?”
“No.” I nearly choke on the next words I say, “But I think he likes to bring her as close to the line as he can. And I think she likes the feeling of danger that he brings out in her.”
Cory squeezes my hand and looks earnestly into my eyes. As if the power of his gaze alone can make me believe. “Lea, she’s crazy about you.”
“She resents how much time I spend at work and he’s slowly been filling the void.”
He doesn’t argue with me. I watch him and think he must be choosing his words carefully. “So what set you off today?” Or not so carefully.
It’s the part I can’t tell him. I can’t tell him that Mark has deliberately pushed at her boundaries. That he has tapped into the part of her that wants the kink. That he has talked her into doing a private photo shoot with him and two nude models. That he essentially got her to agree to photograph his threesome.
I can’t confide that she had a threesome before me. That I know her and that it’ll be on her mind leading up to the shoot. That she’s excited to do this. That she refuses to see she’s overstepping a sexual boundary I never thought we’d have to define. That she can’t see how much she’s hurting me by doing it. That the thought of making love with her right now makes me ill because I don’t know if it’s me or her past turning her on.
Instead I offer up a lame, “I don’t know. Just the way he was looking at her.”
“Just because he was breathing?” He asks me with a smile.
I nod and force a smile in return. “He’s such a mouth breather.”
“Try standing next to him during rehearsal.”
“I thought he was gonna hyperventilate during ‘Wheels’.”
He bumps my shoulder. “Want me to plant some weed in his trailer?”
I take a moment to consider the offer before turning him down. “No. Somehow it will make him more appealing to the teen squad and lonely housewives.”
“You’re probably right.”
He stands and offers me a hand off the floor. I look up at him, thankful that he’s in my corner even when he doesn’t exactly know why. I give him a quick hug.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” He sketches a wave and walks out the door just as Dianna walks in.
Her hand firmly on her hip, hair pulled back into a ponytail; she is the head-bitch in charge. I can’t stop the uncharitable thought that if she could just channel whatever it is she’s feeling at the moment, she could be a superstar in her role.
“Wanna tell me what that was all about?”
I meet her gaze and let the silence linger.
“I look up from talking to Mark and you’re storming out of rehearsal.”
I silently will her to use that big brain of hers and catch a clue. And curse my own cowardice to speak up. I’m so afraid. Afraid my jealously will drive her away.
Afraid he’s going to win.
But I’m most afraid that she knows exactly why I’m upset and she doesn’t love me enough to stop hurting me.
FIN