years of forgotten rotten memories
Strange the last few months of entries here were little tiny fragments of the start of my new life. And I return every now and then to peer into who I used to be. I mostly just laugh at the thoughts I had. The randomness of all the life ending chaos and heart ache I thought I would never survive. A lot of what I wrote was strangely poetic. Mostly trite.
I think about Patrick often. Wonder what and how he's doing. Just curiousity though, not because I genuinely care.
Someone had likened the start of mine and Clint's relationship to that of Brad and Angelina... well.. they just gave birth to twins, and seem to be doing just fine making and buying babies and being rich.
We're expecting our second son sometime around Columbus day in October. It may give me a practical reason to celebrate such a bogus holiday. There is not much I can say to describe what we have been through in the last 3 years. Most of my life is summed up with the trials and triumphs of Evan's accomplishments.
He turned 2 last week. He truly is amazing. And all parents think their child is incredible and going to grow into something better than what they were. What a strange club I have joined.
Reconnected with my father. Last Christmas he came and stayed with us for a little over a month. I hadn't seen him since I was 12. It was strangely familiar to have him around. I finally got to see the pieces of me I could never place with the rest of my family members. I also understand now how I could never be anything other than a mish mash of opposites fighting internally with each other. He and my mother are so far removed from each other when it comes to their personalities I can't really comprehend how I was ever born to begin with.
He'll be here again in October to stay with us through the new year. He loves my brother... who is now doing very well on the guitar. Which happens to be my father's main love.
Music.
I got the old man listening to Ani. who is also a mother now. She has joined the club.
My mother has completely lost her mind. I avoid her at all costs. Although she has done a pretty wonderful job of avoiding everyone herself. She wasn't even here for Evan's birthday. I guess it breaks my heart. But, I've got other fish to fry.
I think the most interesting thing about returning to LiveJournal was re-reading the entries about the start of our .*clintanddiana* relationship.
Silly as it may be... the entries brought tears to my eyes. Those memories are so poignant. In fact, we were just telling someone the other day about the creepy park in Morristown with the frogs at the crazy lady in the garden.
Every now and then I look at him and ask, "How did we do this? What was it that brought us together?" and he just laughs at me and pats me on the head or rubs my shoulder and simply says.... "I love you, babe" and I know there is no where else I'd rather be than here.
Inner peace is a strange drug. It has made me complacent and hopeful and who knows what else.
Sometimes when I listen to the radio I feel sudden urges of impending doom. Mostly because I cannot believe where this governor, this president... this culture of consumption and gadgets has brought us.
I did get rid of the cell phone. I have never owned an IPod. I refuse either. I don't believe in HDTV and I don't believe in recycling.
Going green is just another way to line the pockets of those already well taken care of.
Humans are only responsible for 3% of the green house emissions that are depleting the ozone and choking the world. So scramble to seperate your plastics and papers. Buy your vespas and your hybrids. I am going to continue to live as I have.
The faster we are off the planet, the better for her. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself in the meantime.
I think about Patrick often. Wonder what and how he's doing. Just curiousity though, not because I genuinely care.
Someone had likened the start of mine and Clint's relationship to that of Brad and Angelina... well.. they just gave birth to twins, and seem to be doing just fine making and buying babies and being rich.
We're expecting our second son sometime around Columbus day in October. It may give me a practical reason to celebrate such a bogus holiday. There is not much I can say to describe what we have been through in the last 3 years. Most of my life is summed up with the trials and triumphs of Evan's accomplishments.
He turned 2 last week. He truly is amazing. And all parents think their child is incredible and going to grow into something better than what they were. What a strange club I have joined.
Reconnected with my father. Last Christmas he came and stayed with us for a little over a month. I hadn't seen him since I was 12. It was strangely familiar to have him around. I finally got to see the pieces of me I could never place with the rest of my family members. I also understand now how I could never be anything other than a mish mash of opposites fighting internally with each other. He and my mother are so far removed from each other when it comes to their personalities I can't really comprehend how I was ever born to begin with.
He'll be here again in October to stay with us through the new year. He loves my brother... who is now doing very well on the guitar. Which happens to be my father's main love.
Music.
I got the old man listening to Ani. who is also a mother now. She has joined the club.
My mother has completely lost her mind. I avoid her at all costs. Although she has done a pretty wonderful job of avoiding everyone herself. She wasn't even here for Evan's birthday. I guess it breaks my heart. But, I've got other fish to fry.
I think the most interesting thing about returning to LiveJournal was re-reading the entries about the start of our .*clintanddiana* relationship.
Silly as it may be... the entries brought tears to my eyes. Those memories are so poignant. In fact, we were just telling someone the other day about the creepy park in Morristown with the frogs at the crazy lady in the garden.
Every now and then I look at him and ask, "How did we do this? What was it that brought us together?" and he just laughs at me and pats me on the head or rubs my shoulder and simply says.... "I love you, babe" and I know there is no where else I'd rather be than here.
Inner peace is a strange drug. It has made me complacent and hopeful and who knows what else.
Sometimes when I listen to the radio I feel sudden urges of impending doom. Mostly because I cannot believe where this governor, this president... this culture of consumption and gadgets has brought us.
I did get rid of the cell phone. I have never owned an IPod. I refuse either. I don't believe in HDTV and I don't believe in recycling.
Going green is just another way to line the pockets of those already well taken care of.
Humans are only responsible for 3% of the green house emissions that are depleting the ozone and choking the world. So scramble to seperate your plastics and papers. Buy your vespas and your hybrids. I am going to continue to live as I have.
The faster we are off the planet, the better for her. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself in the meantime.