leave me empty
You know, these kinds of posts seem all to familiar to me. It seems like everytime I feel like things have come full circle for me, I'm left writing bitchy and angry words.
I'm sorry for trying to be happy. I'm sorry for all the burden I have been for people. I know that those who don't like me will love this, I know it. Well, congratulations, I'm miserable. I am sick of trying and falling flat on my face. I've been dragged around enough times to know when I should just give up. No matter how many times I hear people tell me to keep hope and move on, it just doesn't seem possible. Everywhere I turn, I see the memories and remains of people and events I regret letting go of. I am ashamed of what I have done, of myself. I only end up hurting myself even more with every word I mutter. I dig myself deeper holes that kill me and tear my heart into pieces. I should have realized sooner that is was no use trying. I can say all I want to someone I truly care about and get nothing but heartache. It's the story of my life. I've fucked up plenty, for God's sake I'm human. I'm weak. I'm blood and flesh, I am not some sort of un-touchable person who thinks she knows all the answers. I've let things slide every now and again, comments and remarks from people who think they can step all over me. I've kept my chin up heartbreak after heartbreak. I've done all I can to prove myself wrong. Over and over I tell myself not to give up, for then those who are against me have won. God knows I've tried so hard to be a friend to everyone, to push the past aside and spark new relationships. I guess now all of my hard work has finally beaten me down, made me believe that I should just change my attitude. I'm not stupid, I know what the world is like. I may only be 17, but like hell am I going to let that stop my life from being what I want. In today's world it's easy for kids to grow up fast and act beyond their age. I've seen so many fucked up things happen to people my age, it's sickening. Now it's seem like I've had my own brand of shit happen to me.
I should stop caring about what other people think of me. I need to stop killing myself over those who don't know me. The way I see it, I have a right to live how I want. I've paid my fucking dues and now it's time for some change. If people don't want to be with me, that's fine. If my attempts to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen end up screwing me over, then why continue? Why bother?
I have my friends whom I trust with my life. I have my family, even my mother who still thinks I'm a fuck up. I have my twins, my light. I love them with everything inside of me and I am not about to let anyone critcize how I act. I'm sick and tired of being taken advantage of and constantly knocked down and ignored.
I hope I have made some people happy. Maybe they would like to watch me cry like a baby, also.
I'm sorry for trying to be happy. I'm sorry for all the burden I have been for people. I know that those who don't like me will love this, I know it. Well, congratulations, I'm miserable. I am sick of trying and falling flat on my face. I've been dragged around enough times to know when I should just give up. No matter how many times I hear people tell me to keep hope and move on, it just doesn't seem possible. Everywhere I turn, I see the memories and remains of people and events I regret letting go of. I am ashamed of what I have done, of myself. I only end up hurting myself even more with every word I mutter. I dig myself deeper holes that kill me and tear my heart into pieces. I should have realized sooner that is was no use trying. I can say all I want to someone I truly care about and get nothing but heartache. It's the story of my life. I've fucked up plenty, for God's sake I'm human. I'm weak. I'm blood and flesh, I am not some sort of un-touchable person who thinks she knows all the answers. I've let things slide every now and again, comments and remarks from people who think they can step all over me. I've kept my chin up heartbreak after heartbreak. I've done all I can to prove myself wrong. Over and over I tell myself not to give up, for then those who are against me have won. God knows I've tried so hard to be a friend to everyone, to push the past aside and spark new relationships. I guess now all of my hard work has finally beaten me down, made me believe that I should just change my attitude. I'm not stupid, I know what the world is like. I may only be 17, but like hell am I going to let that stop my life from being what I want. In today's world it's easy for kids to grow up fast and act beyond their age. I've seen so many fucked up things happen to people my age, it's sickening. Now it's seem like I've had my own brand of shit happen to me.
I should stop caring about what other people think of me. I need to stop killing myself over those who don't know me. The way I see it, I have a right to live how I want. I've paid my fucking dues and now it's time for some change. If people don't want to be with me, that's fine. If my attempts to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen end up screwing me over, then why continue? Why bother?
I have my friends whom I trust with my life. I have my family, even my mother who still thinks I'm a fuck up. I have my twins, my light. I love them with everything inside of me and I am not about to let anyone critcize how I act. I'm sick and tired of being taken advantage of and constantly knocked down and ignored.
I hope I have made some people happy. Maybe they would like to watch me cry like a baby, also.