(no subject)
First off, I hope that all my friends are well and doing great things in their lives.
I haven’t posted for a long time and the reason for this, all or most of you know, is that I’ve been on treatment after a surgery for bone marrow transplant.
It seems it happened ages ago. But no, it only happened in the end of July. Things were a little hard before the surgery, the donor knew about the need to follow a schedule, but then he also needed to make a trip for some reason and it almost made the things fail. Fortunately he finally signed a document with a compromise to follow the schedule and I was in the hospital in the day they wanted me there.
Before I go to the surgery room, a doctor came to my room and told me and mum the goods and the risks of the surgery. The good stuff I knew already and the risks almost made me to give up of the whole thing. He told us about the risks of contaminations, that my lungs and kidneys could stop working and so many other things and then mum had to sign a document allowing them to do the surgery. Mum was looking at me so worried and I think that my face would prove I was feeling exactly like her. She asked the doctor if it was possible to wait for my dad arrival in that afternoon but the doctor said that we had to fight against time now that the material was appointed to be collected and then mum asked me if I wanted to go on. I asked her: “it is the best to do, inst it?” and she said something like “things have been already so difficult for you, I believe that this is a chance and we should go for it”. To help our decision the doctor said that if we decided to wait more time, my body would be weaker and then the risks would increase in the future. So, I told mum to allow them and she went to sign the document.
While we were waiting the next step I was wondering about that decision. I thought that the chosen for the right college was the hardest in my life and now I knew that nothing is like to make a decision about assume the risks of a surgery. During the few time I had to wait for the nurses I had the chance to try opposite feelings: sometimes I was firmly sure that I had taken the right decision and sometimes I thought that I was already used to the effects of the illness and I was in doubt if I should take new risks. I didn’t tell mum about this feelings tho cos I knew that she was probably feeling the same and now that the document was signed it would be terrible for her to share with me all these terrible feelings. The best to do was to keep quiet or talk about weird stuff, so we were there, waiting for my surgery and talking about the fact we had noticed that the doctor who talked to us didn’t wear the same colour of clothes they wore in that hospital. I think that we talked about other silly stuff but honestly I can’t remember them.
The first thing I remember after my surgery was that I woke with a bad taste in my mouth, and I was feeling my forehead strange as if it was strained. Then a nurse came and asked me how I was feeling. And then a doctor also came and talked to her. I was confused and didn’t tell to any of them that my forehead was strange. Actually when asked if all was good I said “yes”, dunno why, maybe seeing there a chance to go home if they thought I was ok lol.
Well, to make it shorter, the next days after surgery I had some complications most of them related with allergies. I’m still on chemo, but all is apparently controlled by the doctors. Emotionally I’m feeling better now. There were days when I cried and felt extremely depressed and other days when I felt relieved cos the surgery was done and that now I would just to wait the recovery.
Some weeks ago the doctors let me to spend the weekends at home but I have to wear a mask all the time I’m there and never go out. Medicaments make me to sleep the most part of the days. Only after 100 days after the surgery the doctors will tell me if I can go home permanently. Even then, if it happens, I will have to visit the hospital each 3 months in the first year and then each 6 months in the second year and once per year after the third year.
They advice me to only start doing things like school, dancing, biking etc. after the first year about the surgery. Also I will have to observe my skin, mouth, feminine parts --- lol they refer to that this way:P --- and care a lot about them for a long time or during all my life.
Today I finally found patience or maybe courage to read a manual they gave me with instructions for the post transplanted people. It isn’t that bad as I thought it would be actually. They tell us about how to bath, how to care of skin and ... erm… feminine parts :)) , mouth, use of masks, cleaning the vein catheter ARGH!, diet and... well.... also sexual activity :> I’m not kidding they really tell us about this hehe. Actually I will have to have patience til I get there *sight* :P
Theres only one good thing about being in a hospital for long when u are ill. You feel a little better seeing and living with another patients that also use catheters and have their hair shaved. I'm actually more used to my appeareance lol. Not that i think I'm beautiful but at least I now don't feel so ashamed of my image. One of my friends showed me piccies they took of me and honestly i dont think they are so repulsive.
I’m sorry if it was long and for those who are still there I wanna say that...........Ive MISSED U GUYS!!!
This post is to be a positive thing actually as I'm feeling better and i march for better days in my life I'm sure. I really hope that you all are good. Please let me to know who's still there and who still remember me!!! lol
Kisses and hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss with all my love,
diana
I haven’t posted for a long time and the reason for this, all or most of you know, is that I’ve been on treatment after a surgery for bone marrow transplant.
It seems it happened ages ago. But no, it only happened in the end of July. Things were a little hard before the surgery, the donor knew about the need to follow a schedule, but then he also needed to make a trip for some reason and it almost made the things fail. Fortunately he finally signed a document with a compromise to follow the schedule and I was in the hospital in the day they wanted me there.
Before I go to the surgery room, a doctor came to my room and told me and mum the goods and the risks of the surgery. The good stuff I knew already and the risks almost made me to give up of the whole thing. He told us about the risks of contaminations, that my lungs and kidneys could stop working and so many other things and then mum had to sign a document allowing them to do the surgery. Mum was looking at me so worried and I think that my face would prove I was feeling exactly like her. She asked the doctor if it was possible to wait for my dad arrival in that afternoon but the doctor said that we had to fight against time now that the material was appointed to be collected and then mum asked me if I wanted to go on. I asked her: “it is the best to do, inst it?” and she said something like “things have been already so difficult for you, I believe that this is a chance and we should go for it”. To help our decision the doctor said that if we decided to wait more time, my body would be weaker and then the risks would increase in the future. So, I told mum to allow them and she went to sign the document.
While we were waiting the next step I was wondering about that decision. I thought that the chosen for the right college was the hardest in my life and now I knew that nothing is like to make a decision about assume the risks of a surgery. During the few time I had to wait for the nurses I had the chance to try opposite feelings: sometimes I was firmly sure that I had taken the right decision and sometimes I thought that I was already used to the effects of the illness and I was in doubt if I should take new risks. I didn’t tell mum about this feelings tho cos I knew that she was probably feeling the same and now that the document was signed it would be terrible for her to share with me all these terrible feelings. The best to do was to keep quiet or talk about weird stuff, so we were there, waiting for my surgery and talking about the fact we had noticed that the doctor who talked to us didn’t wear the same colour of clothes they wore in that hospital. I think that we talked about other silly stuff but honestly I can’t remember them.
The first thing I remember after my surgery was that I woke with a bad taste in my mouth, and I was feeling my forehead strange as if it was strained. Then a nurse came and asked me how I was feeling. And then a doctor also came and talked to her. I was confused and didn’t tell to any of them that my forehead was strange. Actually when asked if all was good I said “yes”, dunno why, maybe seeing there a chance to go home if they thought I was ok lol.
Well, to make it shorter, the next days after surgery I had some complications most of them related with allergies. I’m still on chemo, but all is apparently controlled by the doctors. Emotionally I’m feeling better now. There were days when I cried and felt extremely depressed and other days when I felt relieved cos the surgery was done and that now I would just to wait the recovery.
Some weeks ago the doctors let me to spend the weekends at home but I have to wear a mask all the time I’m there and never go out. Medicaments make me to sleep the most part of the days. Only after 100 days after the surgery the doctors will tell me if I can go home permanently. Even then, if it happens, I will have to visit the hospital each 3 months in the first year and then each 6 months in the second year and once per year after the third year.
They advice me to only start doing things like school, dancing, biking etc. after the first year about the surgery. Also I will have to observe my skin, mouth, feminine parts --- lol they refer to that this way:P --- and care a lot about them for a long time or during all my life.
Today I finally found patience or maybe courage to read a manual they gave me with instructions for the post transplanted people. It isn’t that bad as I thought it would be actually. They tell us about how to bath, how to care of skin and ... erm… feminine parts :)) , mouth, use of masks, cleaning the vein catheter ARGH!, diet and... well.... also sexual activity :> I’m not kidding they really tell us about this hehe. Actually I will have to have patience til I get there *sight* :P
Theres only one good thing about being in a hospital for long when u are ill. You feel a little better seeing and living with another patients that also use catheters and have their hair shaved. I'm actually more used to my appeareance lol. Not that i think I'm beautiful but at least I now don't feel so ashamed of my image. One of my friends showed me piccies they took of me and honestly i dont think they are so repulsive.
I’m sorry if it was long and for those who are still there I wanna say that...........Ive MISSED U GUYS!!!
This post is to be a positive thing actually as I'm feeling better and i march for better days in my life I'm sure. I really hope that you all are good. Please let me to know who's still there and who still remember me!!! lol
Kisses and hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss with all my love,
diana