(no subject)
I just found out that my dad's aunt died. I could go into a lot of detail about what a great person she was, but it seems sort of trivial. She was a great person, and that is that.
I haven't decided if I will attend the funeral services - I want to, but strangely - and sadly - enough, I don't feel that my relationship with her justifies taking off work. The main reason I want to go is not because her and I were close or anything, but because like I said, she was one of those few great human beings that walked this earth and I'd like to be there to honor her memory. And her husband, my dad's uncle John, is probably one of the kindest hearted men I've ever met. And I'm serious, that's no hyperbole.
As this marks the second significant death I've had to deal with in the past two months, it's left me once again in a state of confusion about being a grown up and having to deal with all facets of life. I almost feel as if I'm going through puberty again - trying to figure out how to act, what to feel, what kinds of things are appropriate to say, all in all, "grown-up" etiquette. I've never been really that self conscious before, but now as one of the youngest people at work I feel the need to monitor everything that comes out of my mouth for feeling it will sound immature. It somewhat bothers me to think that my co-workers think "oh she's so young", which granted is true, but I hate that kind of condescending crap.
My world is suddenly filled with people a lot older than me. I've mentioned to a bunch of people that this has been a dramatic change for me. All throughout school I was the older, more responsible one often taking on the motherly roll with my friends. Now I'm at the bottom of the heap, and I can't quite figure out what to do.
It's just so weird having such a consciousness now about things like death, marriage, children, relationships, friendships - the sorts of things I never thought too heavily about before, stuff you never worry about as a kid. But now they all take on this new sort of significance and it's weird. I keep hearing the phrase "now that you're an adult..." Except could someone please explain to me what that means?
The only real solution is pretty much just as it was in puberty - you just have to wait it out (and then of course look back and cringe about how awkward that stage was). I'm looking forward to my 23rd birthday as I plan on now making a habit of sitting down and writing all the things I've learned and accomplished in the past year. It'll be interesting to see what I come up with, but I'm guessing it will be even more interesting to look back in a couple of years and read how I was feeling.
I suppose the immediate solution to this would just to stop thinking and go to bed already. Goodnight.
I haven't decided if I will attend the funeral services - I want to, but strangely - and sadly - enough, I don't feel that my relationship with her justifies taking off work. The main reason I want to go is not because her and I were close or anything, but because like I said, she was one of those few great human beings that walked this earth and I'd like to be there to honor her memory. And her husband, my dad's uncle John, is probably one of the kindest hearted men I've ever met. And I'm serious, that's no hyperbole.
As this marks the second significant death I've had to deal with in the past two months, it's left me once again in a state of confusion about being a grown up and having to deal with all facets of life. I almost feel as if I'm going through puberty again - trying to figure out how to act, what to feel, what kinds of things are appropriate to say, all in all, "grown-up" etiquette. I've never been really that self conscious before, but now as one of the youngest people at work I feel the need to monitor everything that comes out of my mouth for feeling it will sound immature. It somewhat bothers me to think that my co-workers think "oh she's so young", which granted is true, but I hate that kind of condescending crap.
My world is suddenly filled with people a lot older than me. I've mentioned to a bunch of people that this has been a dramatic change for me. All throughout school I was the older, more responsible one often taking on the motherly roll with my friends. Now I'm at the bottom of the heap, and I can't quite figure out what to do.
It's just so weird having such a consciousness now about things like death, marriage, children, relationships, friendships - the sorts of things I never thought too heavily about before, stuff you never worry about as a kid. But now they all take on this new sort of significance and it's weird. I keep hearing the phrase "now that you're an adult..." Except could someone please explain to me what that means?
The only real solution is pretty much just as it was in puberty - you just have to wait it out (and then of course look back and cringe about how awkward that stage was). I'm looking forward to my 23rd birthday as I plan on now making a habit of sitting down and writing all the things I've learned and accomplished in the past year. It'll be interesting to see what I come up with, but I'm guessing it will be even more interesting to look back in a couple of years and read how I was feeling.
I suppose the immediate solution to this would just to stop thinking and go to bed already. Goodnight.