(no subject)
the big decision: I'm not ready to get married.
This is what I've been alluding to the past couple of entries, and until I discussed it with Steve I wasn't going to post anything here (of course). I did a lot of thinking about marriage and all the "grown-up" requirements it entails - responsibility, maturity, compromising, sharing. and being I currently enjoy my somewhat irresponsible, immature, non-compromising or sharing self, I was looking at marriage in a very negative way, as in it would entirely take those things away from me. Thus every time i thought about getting married, a deep sense of panic would run through my veins as if my life would be over after taking that trip down the aisle. So I shared these feelings with steve, and found out he has some similar ones, but he definitely enlightened me to a better attitude.
bigger decision: I am ready to get married.
After sharing my fears with Steve I realized that it's entirely ok to be nervous about marriage as it's a huge life step. I was equating my sense of nervousness to unreadiness - but Steve has certain fears too, which is very comforting and means we can work through any fear-related issues together. Secondly, after sharing how I felt with Steve I realized that all of my fears can be addressed by structuring our marriage by what works for us. Society has so many standards on how marriages should function, and I was feeling compelled to follow them. So in talking to Steve and reversing my attitude, I'm excited to create a marriage that is centered around us and each other's needs, and impervious to judgment from any other couples. And after being honest with myself and with Steve, I have complete faith that Steve is the man for me (not that I ever questioned this), and our relationship will continue to grow and evolve in ways that are good and beneficial for both of us.
I feel like this is not very coherent, but it makes sense in my mind and thats all that counts!
This is what I've been alluding to the past couple of entries, and until I discussed it with Steve I wasn't going to post anything here (of course). I did a lot of thinking about marriage and all the "grown-up" requirements it entails - responsibility, maturity, compromising, sharing. and being I currently enjoy my somewhat irresponsible, immature, non-compromising or sharing self, I was looking at marriage in a very negative way, as in it would entirely take those things away from me. Thus every time i thought about getting married, a deep sense of panic would run through my veins as if my life would be over after taking that trip down the aisle. So I shared these feelings with steve, and found out he has some similar ones, but he definitely enlightened me to a better attitude.
bigger decision: I am ready to get married.
After sharing my fears with Steve I realized that it's entirely ok to be nervous about marriage as it's a huge life step. I was equating my sense of nervousness to unreadiness - but Steve has certain fears too, which is very comforting and means we can work through any fear-related issues together. Secondly, after sharing how I felt with Steve I realized that all of my fears can be addressed by structuring our marriage by what works for us. Society has so many standards on how marriages should function, and I was feeling compelled to follow them. So in talking to Steve and reversing my attitude, I'm excited to create a marriage that is centered around us and each other's needs, and impervious to judgment from any other couples. And after being honest with myself and with Steve, I have complete faith that Steve is the man for me (not that I ever questioned this), and our relationship will continue to grow and evolve in ways that are good and beneficial for both of us.
I feel like this is not very coherent, but it makes sense in my mind and thats all that counts!