I lied!!
Ok I lied. I can't stay away. Damn the creators of LJ. This site is addicting but it helps me center my thoughts and let out my feelings. Lets me hope I can connect with someone, somewhere. Hope. Fucking annoying thing it is.
I feel lighter now.
Brighter some how.
Yet I still carry a darkness.
Deep within.
One I fear will never leave me.
Would it be so bad to let go?
To be free from the darkness?
To step fully into the light again?
I fear it could be my ruin.
So I think I will stay as I am.
Part dark.
Part light.
It is a daily battle.
A bloody one.
To keep the darkness at bay.
For each day I hold on.
I feel less and less control.
Less and less light.
Will I beat it?
Or will it consume me?
Tis not just a matter of life or death anymore.
It is a matter of living fully
Or walking among the living.
But being dead.
Dead inside.
What if I could find someone?
Someone who knows my pain.
My battle.
Who would help me.
As I would help them.
Maybe we could be light together.
If only for a little while.
For that is all he would allow.
Nothing long.
Nothing lasting.
For that is too scary.
To consuming.
Or is it?
Would it be that bad?
Might be.
Will I ever know?
Will he ever know?
Who knows.
But at least it would be fun while it lasted.
I feel lighter now.
Brighter some how.
Yet I still carry a darkness.
Deep within.
One I fear will never leave me.
Would it be so bad to let go?
To be free from the darkness?
To step fully into the light again?
I fear it could be my ruin.
So I think I will stay as I am.
Part dark.
Part light.
It is a daily battle.
A bloody one.
To keep the darkness at bay.
For each day I hold on.
I feel less and less control.
Less and less light.
Will I beat it?
Or will it consume me?
Tis not just a matter of life or death anymore.
It is a matter of living fully
Or walking among the living.
But being dead.
Dead inside.
What if I could find someone?
Someone who knows my pain.
My battle.
Who would help me.
As I would help them.
Maybe we could be light together.
If only for a little while.
For that is all he would allow.
Nothing long.
Nothing lasting.
For that is too scary.
To consuming.
Or is it?
Would it be that bad?
Might be.
Will I ever know?
Will he ever know?
Who knows.
But at least it would be fun while it lasted.