escaping from my identity once more...
I guess i'm the same person my dad is. Today i patiently waited for my sister to get off AIM for 3 hours... during the wait i was doing random things like playing piano and writing in my real journal. I'm wondering to myself.. how can i be soo harsh, not understanding,abrupt, mean, and yelling at my sister for the littlest things? I despise how i tend to do futile things such as those listed above. I'm trying to understand myself as well. I don't know why i act soo different around my family. I should be more loving and thankful towards my family than anybody else. Why do i hide my true self from friends? I don't want to do this anymore. Actions sometimes speak louder than words. Right now my sister is in her room.. probably still shaken from my incessant yelling at her for being online for 3 hours. AHHH! how could i be such a bad sister? i want to change my bad qualities of being an older sister. I know that it'll take time to overcome my rashness towards my sister but i'm striving to do so because its driving me crazy. Whenever we have arguments i feel like a jerk.. always thinking of excuses or ways to back up my side of the argument. Ahahaha~ talk about being absurd and helpless. I think of the strangest things to argue about with my sister. Why must i continue to argue with someone instead of laughing with her. ..? its pretty simple. I don't get along with my sister sometimes.. esp. whenever our internet times conflicts. I've decided that the best solution is for me to set up a time to get online so that my sister will know when to get off. LOL.. why am i obssessed with getting online? in the past i was the one who despised getting online. I think i better go now.. i feel really guilty having yelled at my sister. I need time to think, think, and think some more before talking to my sister today.