made it fourteen city blocks without breathing.
worst day in such a long time. i don't even know how to put it into words. drama with my room mate. and now i'm back to square one having no idea what the fuck to do this summer because apparently people like to bail on me, people are untrustworthy, people like to fuck me over. and i don't mean to make this all sound like someone else's fault or like people are out to get me because i know this is all my fault. and partially the economy's fault, i guess. and circumstances in general. but i hate feeling abandoned like i do now, i hate feeling like i have nowhere to go, no one to turn to, no one to fucking rely on. this is why i hate shit like group projects in school - you can't trust anyone. you have to rely on yourself to make things happen. but i can't afford an apartment on my own and i'm wary of moving in with a stranger and i don't want to live at home this summer. fuck. that. i don't want to get another shitty minimum wage job, i don't want to mow the fucking lawn and do stupud household shit, i am going to be twenty... i want to be on my own. and i want my own god damn room. when sue first told me i had to move my shit, i called chelsea CRYING and she said things would be okay and we would get an apartment together. yeah well that's all gone to shit now.