HOLY SHIT I CANT WIN.
I didn't know I was pressuring him by saying 'it's your call.' SO SORRY.
All I wanted was a good reason why he doesn't want a girlfriend, and that whole HE DOESNT WANT ONE BECAUSE HE HAS ONE MAKES NO SENSE ELISE,jsyk, well I didn't think it made any sense but that's just me. I didn't know that was a lot to ask for, but I guess it is.
And if I'm such a bad person Elise, then please explain to me why the fuck he's in love with me?
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
I mean I would think that if I was such a terrible person, he would have no interest in me whatsoever, but that's just my logic. Care to explain yours and NOT FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Please and thanks. YES I AM CHILL. I just want to emphasize that.
/Rant
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Dustin,
Baby, I love you I do. I just can't stand this. I don't want to just give up and say fuck everything, but what are we gonna do when you leave and go where ever you're going, and then I graduate and head far away from the east coast? I'm not gonna wait around forever, I'm sure I'll meet someone and I'm not gonna be like "Oh sorry I can't be with you because some guy I was in love with in high school wants to spend the rest of his life with me." I'm just not gonna do that. I'm sorry if I pressured you or whatever, next time just tell me to shut up, or you know YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY AND NOT ELISE. because I'm not even gonna mention you around her anymore. I don't want you guys to stop being friends because of this, and I don't want to lose a friend because of a guy. That's ridiculous. I don't know what to do. Really I don't.
Spending the rest of my life with you would be amazing, it really would. and I mean it when I say I need you and I don't want you to ever leave. You know if you don't say "goodnight baby i love you" BEFORE I fall asleep, I'll wake up every like fifteen minutes to see if I got it yet, and when I do see it then I can sleep better.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE.
Elise,
Like I said, losing a friend over a guy is ridiculous and I don't want that to happen, EVER. I promise I won't speak a word to you about Dustin and I or whatever EVER AGAIN, that way we can avoid the whole "he's pissed at me because you bitched at him" thing, when in reality I didn't bitch and he wasn't pissed. I know HE should tell YOU that, not me. You're not always right for the record either. I'm not a bad person at all. It's just different I guess from different perspectives. It's one of those You're from the outside looking in, and I'm from the inside looking out kinda deals, only kinda different. I'm sure you probably get what I'm saying, if not we'll clarify that laterrr.
My brain hurts from thinking, and I have to pee.
So
I guess I'm done for now.
and yeah.
Edit:// btw i think my heart just broke. :|
EDIT://// I Got my reason.
SecondCitySAINT8 (3:28:52 AM): baby i want more then anything to be with you...but i just cant...i love you to death...i wanna go to college i wanna make movies i want to travel. ive been waiting so long to get my life started and now that its less then year away i cant stop now...me and you want completely different things from life. i really dont know where im going...and i just wish that where ever that was i could take you with me