(no subject)
I'm sitting here barely able to function. I've been so sick for the past 48 hours. I can't eat and now I'm just sick. I hate feeling like this. Is this what a broken heart feels like? Has it made me so ill? Had it been so long that I've forgotten the terrible pain. I've been home all day, waiting and hoping for a sign, a glimpse, or anything that shows a glimmer of hope, but alas, there has been nothing. What have I done to myself? How long do I have to feel like this, before I get some normalcy back. I think I'll be home all day tomorrow as well. I can't work like this. All I do is think about how fucked up my timing is. It use to be that I would go back and look at our conversations, they would make me smile. But now, the last one. The very last one. I can't bring myself to open it up. I don't want to see any of the accusations. I just want to be back where we were. The burning inside of stomach makes me almost wish I was dead rather than feel like this. And who's to say that if he does call or write or anything that he'll ever be more than my friend again. What if he won't ever allow us to explore that option once things are rectified here. Another blow to the chest. *sigh* I want so bad to send him a mail or a text, but he asked for time, even though he said he would call today. I wonder if he feels anything like I do? Listen at me, I sound like some lovesick teenager who can't get her bearings straight. Shit, well....I guess I feel the same. I'm the idiot who allowed this to happen. I feel like I've lost my best friend, and that hurts a lot.