(no subject)
My. Heart. Hurts.
For the first time, I really feel lonely.
With you, I've had just these snapshots of adoration. Enough to make me feel safe and to make you feel familiar, because for some bizarre reason, I have been adored. Always. Amazingly. Like an incredible gift.
And then, I lost Andrew. And I actually never thought I would. I actually let myself fall into the happy safety of a love that could last.
And for the first time, I look at pictures of happy couples and feel a sick envy, because my lover has never put a picture of himself with me up on facebook. My lover doesn't want other girls to know he's with someone. My lover is ashamed?
I feel sick. And small. Shocked to remember that others have truly loved me. Others have thought me perfect and wonderful. He is not the first, why would he suddenly have the power to take that from me?
For the first time, I really feel lonely.
With you, I've had just these snapshots of adoration. Enough to make me feel safe and to make you feel familiar, because for some bizarre reason, I have been adored. Always. Amazingly. Like an incredible gift.
And then, I lost Andrew. And I actually never thought I would. I actually let myself fall into the happy safety of a love that could last.
And for the first time, I look at pictures of happy couples and feel a sick envy, because my lover has never put a picture of himself with me up on facebook. My lover doesn't want other girls to know he's with someone. My lover is ashamed?
I feel sick. And small. Shocked to remember that others have truly loved me. Others have thought me perfect and wonderful. He is not the first, why would he suddenly have the power to take that from me?