Freak!
Thursday afternoon I was quietly sitting outside a coffee shop in town waiting for sprog to appear after school so that he could get his hair cut. It was a nice warm afternoon as I was watching people walking past. Suddenly from the across the road there was the sound of loud,aggressive bellowing. I ignored it for a bit but then curiosity got the better of me. I was greeted by a fine specimen of the male human race sitting in his white van waiting for the traffic lights to change to green. Something was clearly agitating him as his somewhat chubby face was bright red and sweating with the exertion. Infact it transpired the bellowing was actually along the lines of "oi, you freak, oi, yeah you, freak, freak!" and being directed at me!
Now anyone who knows me knows I don't look 'that' outside the norm, well I don't think so. Granted I don't have obligatory radio-active orange face nor the parched blonde hair which is considered de riguer around these parts. My fringe is pointy but it naturally falls that way so why not cut as such, and my hair is dyed black. One of only 2 vegetable colours I can use without suffering a massive allergic reaction. Red being the other but I got bored with that, and mousy grey just isn't an option right now! I believe I was also wearing mainly Monsoon, a shop I don't consider at the height of alternative fashion,maybe it is now, who knows! Maybe my make-up was a little dark,hmmmmm.
Anyway I considered this sweaty shouting apparition and realised I didn't know the correct etiquette for dealing with such a situation. Should I lower my eyes demurely beneath my fan? I have one in my bag at all times for when it gets hot. Should I pretend the situation just isn't happening? Or should I take it a huge compliment coming from such a wretch and thank him profusely? Unfortunately I did none of these and burst into laughter rather violently and loudly! The look on his face was priceless! No mate your intimidation didn't work AT ALL! Luckily for him the traffic lights changed to green and with one last lusty feeeAAAKKK!!!! my possible would be suitor drove off into the sunset. His vocabulary didn't appear to stretch to any other insults, probably for the best.
Now why would you want to make such a complete bellend of yourself in the middle of a busy high street in broad daylight? Was it possible he secretly hankered after a stern telling off and spanking from me? I don't like to generalise on peoples appearance but I do believe a saw a 'lovely' En-ger-land t-shirt directly beneath the adonis's head. Could it be the nylon trakkie bottoms he was no doubt wearing to match had caused a build up of static electricity whereby causing him to shout out in suprise? Or could it be the same nylon apparel had caused some nasty fungal infection down below again causing the creature some discomfort? A friend did suggest considering how they appear to treat their women and children it could possibly have been a mating call. Who knows, but bless his sweaty nylon socks, I'm sure his little chest is still puffed up with manly pride because he managed to shout 'freak' at the lone goth looking woman from the safety of his white van,....... innit!
Now anyone who knows me knows I don't look 'that' outside the norm, well I don't think so. Granted I don't have obligatory radio-active orange face nor the parched blonde hair which is considered de riguer around these parts. My fringe is pointy but it naturally falls that way so why not cut as such, and my hair is dyed black. One of only 2 vegetable colours I can use without suffering a massive allergic reaction. Red being the other but I got bored with that, and mousy grey just isn't an option right now! I believe I was also wearing mainly Monsoon, a shop I don't consider at the height of alternative fashion,maybe it is now, who knows! Maybe my make-up was a little dark,hmmmmm.
Anyway I considered this sweaty shouting apparition and realised I didn't know the correct etiquette for dealing with such a situation. Should I lower my eyes demurely beneath my fan? I have one in my bag at all times for when it gets hot. Should I pretend the situation just isn't happening? Or should I take it a huge compliment coming from such a wretch and thank him profusely? Unfortunately I did none of these and burst into laughter rather violently and loudly! The look on his face was priceless! No mate your intimidation didn't work AT ALL! Luckily for him the traffic lights changed to green and with one last lusty feeeAAAKKK!!!! my possible would be suitor drove off into the sunset. His vocabulary didn't appear to stretch to any other insults, probably for the best.
Now why would you want to make such a complete bellend of yourself in the middle of a busy high street in broad daylight? Was it possible he secretly hankered after a stern telling off and spanking from me? I don't like to generalise on peoples appearance but I do believe a saw a 'lovely' En-ger-land t-shirt directly beneath the adonis's head. Could it be the nylon trakkie bottoms he was no doubt wearing to match had caused a build up of static electricity whereby causing him to shout out in suprise? Or could it be the same nylon apparel had caused some nasty fungal infection down below again causing the creature some discomfort? A friend did suggest considering how they appear to treat their women and children it could possibly have been a mating call. Who knows, but bless his sweaty nylon socks, I'm sure his little chest is still puffed up with manly pride because he managed to shout 'freak' at the lone goth looking woman from the safety of his white van,....... innit!