i cant get your song out of my head

[diam0ndtears]

I'm so ready to move on with my life. i've been through this shit 3 times already & honestly, i am so fucking immune to it.. i think i just need to remove myself and end all connections with that place. All it has ever done for me is get me into trouble, meet fucked up people or cause me some kind of grief. AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT. i keep asking myself.. "why do i keep doing this to myself?" .. because i KNOW how it's gonna end everytime.. and i'm always right. isn't that the definition of insanity? when you keep doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Hahhaha maybe i am insane. but, three strikes and HE'S out. If i could only have been so lucky enough not to meet him last memorial day. WHY WHY WHY! i dont know. I wish i could find someone who is on my level of maturity.. and who actually knows how to treat a girl. is it honestly that hard to find? i dont think i'll ever meet the one i'm looking for. i just wanna get the fuck out of maryland. right now the only thing i wanna do is pack up all my shit and move to Daytona Beach.. but that would just be running away from my problems which won't solve anything. plus i don't wanna leave all my friends. but i just need a break. from this stupid place. i've lived here all of my life and i just need to get away. i tried talking to my mom about college in Florida.. but she totally shat on my idea. she said i have to go here in MD for a year to see if she can "trust" me or not. wtf is that? i just wish i would've cared more in the first few years of highschool. i wish there hadn't been so much drama that made me lose my focus. but whatever. its in the past and theres nothing i can do about it.. so no use in having regrets, right? my grades right now are probably shit, which is gonna end up hurting me when report cards come out. i need to do some hardcore makeup work. I JUST WISH I HAD THE FUCKING MOTIVATION. like.. i think this motivation problem i have is turning into a big thing. i need to find a way to work through it and just suck it up. like this is seriously my year to shine. it wasnt supposed to start out this way. i just hope i have enough time to turn it around before it gets too late. i need to surround myself with positivity and responsibility. i need to try harder at finding a job. i need to stop worrying about short term shit and start worrying about my future- which i'm petrified to think about. i don't want to turn into a dead beat or end up doing nothing with my life. thats just not me. i wanna be someone.. i wanna do something important or help someone or something.
i guess i just gotta keep my head up, "my cup was already full.. so it was bound to overflow.."