The Spencer Spirit of an Awesome Christmas

[dial_a_psychic]

Wanna know what the Spenstar has got you for Christmas? Leave a comment and the Spirit itself will reveal what he's specially chose for you. ATTENTION! No bad boys or girls discrimination allowed. The naughty ones deserve love too, specially naughty chicks.

Comments

[dial_a_psychic]

Dude, I totally did!! I still wonder how you manage to guess my size, seriously! Very, very impressive.

I hope my gift arrives just in time to your cell. You know, as soon as I saw it I thought of you. Of coursse, I didn't get you the ski simulator, after all you're the rich guy, not me!

But I got you a nice hat for you to wear while you're working those fake skiies! :D

[not_the_rodent]

You'd be surprised how exact my eye for sizes is...

Well, thank you Shawn. That is a lovely, tasteful gift. My cell is so lonely and cold, I shall wear it and think of you.

Won't you visit and pull my cracker soon?

[dial_a_psychic]

Color me impressed with a squares pattern all over my chest! The time you got me those jeans? They fitted perfectly! But you guessed again!

That's exactly what I thought when I got it. Perhaps you'd also like a cuddly Xmas teddy bear to make you some company? Fuzzy friends shouldn't be striked out when you're as lonely and cold as you are right now.

Oh! That was for me to pull?? I thought you were just showiing off!

[not_the_rodent]

I'm not as surprised as you are that I can judge your body so well. However, did you like it?

Thank you for the virtual teddy. It really gives my profile some festive zing, but I don't think it'll keep me warm at night.

It was a bit of both, really.

[dial_a_psychic]

Love it to bits. Honestly, I've never felt a softer fabric! It's like a party against the tip of your fingers! Like stroking a kitten's fuzzy belly.

It's all about visualizing. The warmth is there, Pierre. You just need to believe it. Have happy thoughts. You'll either feel warmer or fly out of your cell's window.

It's a shame you're not hosting the facilities' Christmas party. Now, that would have been a night to remember!

[not_the_rodent]

Oh good. The trouble with internet shopping is that you just can't test their wares and be sure of the quality you're buying. But you understand that the prison shop just doesn't carry many suitable gift items. Especially if you're not a smoker, or buying for your chainsmoking prison guard.

Do be careful, Shawn. What if I'm missing from my cell tomorrow and they find that you helped me to fly out my window?

Indeed. Most of the cellmates here wouldn't appreciate my refinery though.

[dial_a_psychic]

And that's exactly why you should hire a shopping assistant. I was Nicholas Cage's S.A for four years and, guess what, that's exactly why he pretty much threw his fortune away, like a nerd ignores dating advice, no matter how hard you try to help them.

We can always say it was merely a holidays vacation? I've heard you've been in the good boys list so far, the autorities might not get pissed if you do.

And now is when you miss your old Crime Emperors whipped by their wives old cellmates?

[not_the_rodent]

I will bear your services in mind for future purchases, but I could hardly ask you to buy your own gift. I do like the element of surprise....

Would you vouch for me, Shawn? A day release would be very pleasant, and I have been a very good boy.

Say what you might about them, they did have very good taste.

[dial_a_psychic]

Oh, totally! I hate it when people just hand you money and ask you to go buy yourself something pretty. ... Except... Well, I can't really hate on people giving me money. And that technique workd on aunts that think socks have once been a popular Christmas gift.

That depends. Would you threaten me or Gus again with giving us very bad owies? Or, you know, with perpetally escaping and making us look bad?

And a very nice pool.

[not_the_rodent]

Of course, I never took you to be a satisfied little housewife type, so that does not surprise me at all. Besides, pretty things are better aquired.

I'm disappointed in you that you think that I would, Shawn. That would be far, far too easy...

Hmm... I think it needs cleaning now.

[dial_a_psychic]

Since when did you consider that you could have taken me for a desperate version of Teri Hatcher? I'd like to consider myself closer to a Carol Foster Lambert kind of woman, with a Peggy Bundy touch.

That didn't stop you the first time.

I wonder if someone will. I mean, it's surprising to see how people don't mind swimming among bee or wasp corpses...

[not_the_rodent]

Ohh, Shawn... Is that your way of telling me that you're desperate?

Nooo. No, no. No. You weren't taking any kind of responsiblity for me then. I wouldn't dream of tarnishing your good name.

Maybe a few of his enemies would enjoy it.

[dial_a_psychic]

Nope, that's my way of saying I look great in leggings.

Weeeeeeeeeeeell.... I was also being invited by a convicted criminal who I had accused of escaping prison, because, and allow me to clarify this: he did. That was sort of crapping on my good name and earning me dirty looks from my best friend. Not to mention my Dad keeps passing on me the cleaner's bill whenever I screw up our good name.

Criminal soup. Perfect at this time of the year.

[not_the_rodent]

I can believe that.

I fail to see how anyone's name got even a speck on it there. You said that I had escaped, and I had. It's neither of our faults if no one believed you. Well, maybe a little mine.

Best served warm, hmm?

[dial_a_psychic]

*he can't help but grin at that* Dude, you're seriously forward lately. I should thank that there's no misteltoe over our heads! ... And... You know, the how "deprived of his liberty" concept you're going through.

I'd say that maybe a lot of yours.

Excuse me while I puke a little into my mouth.

[not_the_rodent]

Ah, I was starting to wonder if the psychic clouds had the side effect of making you oblivious... I am very deprived at the moment and I dislike it a lot.

How can I be at fault for the prisons terribly lax security arrangements?

... Charming.