Email for Dr Manny
Date: Mon, 14 September 2009 23:46:17 p.m
From: Head Psychic of the SBPD, Chairman and CEO of ~*Psych*~, Shawn Spencer shawn_spencer_@hotmail.com
To: Dr Manny mannyphd_sportspsychologist@gmail.com
Subject: The Yips hasn't gone yet! D:
Dr Manny, dude, the Yips hasn't gone yet!
Don't get me wrong, all our work paid off. My catching and pitching? Superfluous. I'm still thrilled every time I realize that they haven't been this focused in years. But I still have a mental block, man, and now it's transferred itself to my batting technique! I can't even bat in wii baseball anymore! I don't know what to do. Can we have a session over the week? Before Friday?
-Shawn
P.S: I'm attaching a list I've been working on. It's some stuff I've found over the internet and some remedies I've heard of. Will anything in this list help? I'm even willing to start right now with the melon candy diet if that helps to cure my mental block.
METHODS TO CURE THE YIPS
(for Dr Manny's consideration - Remember to send him an email once you're done. Hopefully before Thursday)
-Be one with the ball. Name it. Talk to Wilson. Sleep with Wilson (no, not that way! Get your mind out of the gutter! You're on therapy now!). Let Wilson ride shotgun. Buy him a frozen yogurt and make sure that he shares it with you.
-Massage therapy. At least twice every 4 hours.
-Take a deep breath and hold it until you feel that your diaphragm breaks all physic laws in regards to expanding lung capacity. The Yips should be gone by the time you exhale. Or you could be dead. Dead and un-yiped.
-Check the feng shui force going on around the field. It might be full of midi-chlorians.
- Always have "Eye of the Tiger" in your mp3 player.
-Exorcise your glove. Father Westley could give you a hand with this.
-No more energy drinks before playing. It makes your muscles twitch and they're considered steroids in some South American countries.
-Go to the chinese guy that owns the supermarket with the milk that tastes funny and ask him to cure you with his needles. NO NEEDLES.
-Melon candy.
-Train inside of a freezer.
-Aromatherapy. The smell of grass and hotdogs might relieve baseball stress.
-Herbal teas. Would herbal smoothies work too?
-No more porn before heading to a game.
-Go to Tibet, preferably for 7 years. Befriend a monk and a redhead german guy with abnormally long legs.
-Hypnotizing yourself. Failing that at least you'll cluck every time a bell rings.
-Mix honey with chili pepper sauce and vanilla ice cream. A little garlic may be added for taste. Take a spoonful of the mix. MIX IT WITH GUS' COFFEE FIRST AND SEE IF HE SURVIVES.
-Hypnotizing your arms.
-Touch your nose and hop around on one foot while you say "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers". Repeat twenty times.
-Convince Dad to go back to the park for a little training to try and relive the traumatic moment that ruined your sports career.
-A marathon of sport movies should motivate your spirit.
Of course this motivational marathon should include: * Karate Kid I
* Karate Kid II
* Karate Kid III
* Karate Kid 4 (not the best one in the saga but the young Hilary Swank is adorable)
* Rocky I
* Rocky II
* Rocky III
* Caddyshack
* A League of Their Own
* Field of Dreams
* Space Jam
* Hoosiers
* Cool Runnings.
* Miracle
* Rudy
* Bull Durham
EDIT: NOW YOU NEED TO START WORKING ON YOUR BATTING.
-Name your bat. Wilson is not going to work with a bat. Adam West?
-All of the above. Bat style.
-Train in the Vatican. Is it really the Italian batcave? Ask some italian guy, maybe Ray.