Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
A long Sabbatical. A forced Retirement. A Dance with a Stranger. A Cut that wont stop Bleeding. A Bullet that sits and Waits. A bed that remains untouched. A heightened sense of sight and smell. A trigger that makes my finger itch. A rose that rips and scars. A love lost and buried. A hate Cleared and removed. A hunt that goes on and on.
Forever and a day.
Natalia stares moodily at me over her Kalashnikov and Velleius tunes the Cello. He laughs and pays no attention to the silent argument we are having with our eyes. She doesn't want me to go. She thinks i wont come back. She might be right. The last time i was there i ended up in emergency waiting for extraction. But that was last time. I shrug at her and turn back to the task at hand. I cant focus. People i miss. Lilly, Puck, Violet. People who matter a great deal. And not at all. Not one bit. One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.
Velleius gets up and moves to the Door. Cabal wants him. He leaves. But he wont be alone long. Cabal wants us all.
Natalia gets up and walks around the desk. In flawless Russian she whispers to me. "Why, what is so important about this?" She stares at me with crystal blue eyes. I stare straight ahead. I have no answer for her. She Stamps her foot angrily and stalks out the door. Quite a sight really. 6'4" and strong, athletic. She scares the hell out of me. I watch her out of the corner of my eye. The door shuts and i stand. I walk to the window, Stare out across the city. I hit play on the Cd, Heaven's a lie, Lacuna Coil.
Typical.
I am empty. I am supposed to be Empty. What does Natalia want. Me to feel? Or me not to feel.
I assess the power of my will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage.
Set me free. Your Heavens a lie.
Is she angry that i am going? Or that she may have to break in someone new. Irrelevant really. She is afraid of me to. She knows what i am like. What i can do.
Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil.
I haven't written here in such a long time. I wonder who still looks. I like it because it is one of the things that isn't monitored by the techs. They are to busy with Face-book and My-space. I use neither. I haven't the slightest interest. But i know where i can hide. If i so choose.
A call. I suppose i should hurry up. I click off the music. Your heaven is a lie. Walk to the door, pick up my gear and head out. Briefing. Gear up. Off. In that order.
Life, Death, Nothing. In that Order.
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Forever and a day.
Natalia stares moodily at me over her Kalashnikov and Velleius tunes the Cello. He laughs and pays no attention to the silent argument we are having with our eyes. She doesn't want me to go. She thinks i wont come back. She might be right. The last time i was there i ended up in emergency waiting for extraction. But that was last time. I shrug at her and turn back to the task at hand. I cant focus. People i miss. Lilly, Puck, Violet. People who matter a great deal. And not at all. Not one bit. One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.
Velleius gets up and moves to the Door. Cabal wants him. He leaves. But he wont be alone long. Cabal wants us all.
Natalia gets up and walks around the desk. In flawless Russian she whispers to me. "Why, what is so important about this?" She stares at me with crystal blue eyes. I stare straight ahead. I have no answer for her. She Stamps her foot angrily and stalks out the door. Quite a sight really. 6'4" and strong, athletic. She scares the hell out of me. I watch her out of the corner of my eye. The door shuts and i stand. I walk to the window, Stare out across the city. I hit play on the Cd, Heaven's a lie, Lacuna Coil.
Typical.
I am empty. I am supposed to be Empty. What does Natalia want. Me to feel? Or me not to feel.
I assess the power of my will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage.
Set me free. Your Heavens a lie.
Is she angry that i am going? Or that she may have to break in someone new. Irrelevant really. She is afraid of me to. She knows what i am like. What i can do.
Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil.
I haven't written here in such a long time. I wonder who still looks. I like it because it is one of the things that isn't monitored by the techs. They are to busy with Face-book and My-space. I use neither. I haven't the slightest interest. But i know where i can hide. If i so choose.
A call. I suppose i should hurry up. I click off the music. Your heaven is a lie. Walk to the door, pick up my gear and head out. Briefing. Gear up. Off. In that order.
Life, Death, Nothing. In that Order.
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.