Viva Bohemia!
The last months, Iv'e started to feel almost bohemic. Not that I live in a attic in Paris and drink cheap red wine. But I do sleep on a matress in a house I share with two, sometimes four other people. I have almost no money, just enough for rent and internet. I'm unemployed and have not been grocery shopping since June. And today I spent my last money on alcohol and art supplies. Until two weeks ago I got by on the money front by getting back loans from people. I got back money from one friend that I could pay the internet with and so on. Now I'm even out of that kind of favours. It's no joke when I say that I like friends that by me food or invite me for dinner. Because the sad truth is that I don't know if I would eat anything at all otherwise. One part of that has to do with the money situation and the other with the medication I'm on. I'm hardly ever hungry nowadays. Last weekend I went over 50hrs without food. Yesterday I ate half a can of green beans and two eggs, for the whole day. I'm even too fucking poor to visit my girlfriend in Kristinehamn! I can't even afford the fucking bus fee there and back again. No, it's no a fun situation, and no, I'm not trying to brag about it or make people feel sorry for me. I'm just so fucking frustrated that i don't know what to do. I can't even get money from the goverment. I feel ill when I start to think about rent because there's always a risk I cant afford it. My medication's not working. I feel like there's no help to get. I feel like I lost my chance to have a full life, an adult life with work and income. It feels like I'm sinking to the bottom of a black hole. Maybe a grave. i hang out with friends, role play, party and do alot of fun things. But the truth is that I'm in a slump, waiting for each day to end so I have one day less to live.