Even I don't know the purpose with this entry.
I think I've lost the few followers I had. And that's no wonder. Unlike so many of the writers here, my posts are never funny. Nor are they properly spell-checked or even interesting. Ever since I discoverd Livejournal it has been my safe haven. My sanctuary. A place to find peace and happiness when my real life's been kicking my ass. A place where I found people like me and relized that I'm not that strange. Truth to be told, I'm not sure what I would to if LJ didn't exist. So stupid,I know but thats how importmant this site has been to me.
My journal, I don't know how secret it is, but it's the only place I ever write the truth. I'm that kind of person that not even write the truth in my own journal. A journal I threw away a couple of months ago beacuse it was all lies. And that was a journal only I had acsess to. And here, I write the honest to Khali truth. It's strange.
So, what is the truth? If you look at my enteries it's a lot of death. Dark thoughts. Emptyness and insomnia. For some reason I seldom write when I'm happy. I guess my life is kind of boaring. But on the other hand, who's life is exciting all the time? I'm sure Even Paris Hilton has uneventfull days. I study too little, sleep too little, have rounds of eating disorders and read too many fic's. Wait, is it possible too read too many fic's and be too involved in fandom? I hope it's not, because then many of us, myself included would be so screwd. Once I found an icon with the text; Fandom, It's not an interest, it's a lifestyle.
Maybe I should write about something interesting for once? Stop writing when I'm sad or depressed? Never write when the insomnia kicks in? On the other hand, when would I write?
I don't know how to make this journal a happy place. Do i have to make it a happy place? Can't it just be what it is now, a place for me to vent? A place for me to gather my thougths?
I have this rule, when I write here. never delete anything! No matter how awful or embaressing it is. I spell-check the enteries and fix mistakes some days later. But I never delete. Because this is me. And it's for me.
But a change has to come. I need to be more out going. I need to be nicer, friendlier. A better person.
And yes, I acctually Said Better person, the title of a project that's been going on for the last twelve years. Be a good person. Be a good Person. Be a good Person. Be a Good Person. Be a Good Person. I Need to be a good Person. I need to prove that I'm not a waste of space. That my existens is just. Not that anybody cares. Nobody but me. That's the thing. Nobody but me cares if I'm a good person and I can never be good enough in my own eyes. It's like a vicous circle. A mantra that's stuck in my head, all the time. Be happy, be likable, be good. Once again I feel myself spin out of control and into self-destructive habits. It's like I'm sinking or slowly fade. Because of the person I am I will never go out with a bang, but fade away with a whisper.
My journal, I don't know how secret it is, but it's the only place I ever write the truth. I'm that kind of person that not even write the truth in my own journal. A journal I threw away a couple of months ago beacuse it was all lies. And that was a journal only I had acsess to. And here, I write the honest to Khali truth. It's strange.
So, what is the truth? If you look at my enteries it's a lot of death. Dark thoughts. Emptyness and insomnia. For some reason I seldom write when I'm happy. I guess my life is kind of boaring. But on the other hand, who's life is exciting all the time? I'm sure Even Paris Hilton has uneventfull days. I study too little, sleep too little, have rounds of eating disorders and read too many fic's. Wait, is it possible too read too many fic's and be too involved in fandom? I hope it's not, because then many of us, myself included would be so screwd. Once I found an icon with the text; Fandom, It's not an interest, it's a lifestyle.
Maybe I should write about something interesting for once? Stop writing when I'm sad or depressed? Never write when the insomnia kicks in? On the other hand, when would I write?
I don't know how to make this journal a happy place. Do i have to make it a happy place? Can't it just be what it is now, a place for me to vent? A place for me to gather my thougths?
I have this rule, when I write here. never delete anything! No matter how awful or embaressing it is. I spell-check the enteries and fix mistakes some days later. But I never delete. Because this is me. And it's for me.
But a change has to come. I need to be more out going. I need to be nicer, friendlier. A better person.
And yes, I acctually Said Better person, the title of a project that's been going on for the last twelve years. Be a good person. Be a good Person. Be a good Person. Be a Good Person. Be a Good Person. I Need to be a good Person. I need to prove that I'm not a waste of space. That my existens is just. Not that anybody cares. Nobody but me. That's the thing. Nobody but me cares if I'm a good person and I can never be good enough in my own eyes. It's like a vicous circle. A mantra that's stuck in my head, all the time. Be happy, be likable, be good. Once again I feel myself spin out of control and into self-destructive habits. It's like I'm sinking or slowly fade. Because of the person I am I will never go out with a bang, but fade away with a whisper.